thank you for welcoming me terrie. i am so glad you have put up this message board. i have a very difficult memory i need to talk about. i am currently in therapy and on meds. i was abused by three cousins from the age of three to maybe seven, maybe ten. i'm not sure. i have this memory of being about five and the oldest one, about fifteen, tricking me into their sister's bedroom. the other two were also in there. they wanted the youngest one to have sex (with?) me. he was nine or so. my memory used to stop at a certain point, not long after entering the room. as i've been in therapy, i've remembered a little bit more. i now remember the oldest one hurting me. i don't want to get too graphic, but he tried to make this possible by..i can't say it. then my memory goes dark again. my fear, since all this started coming back, is that they raped me. it is weird. it's like i think they did, i know they did, but i don't. and i don't want to know. but this is all i can think about. how can i help the memory along? how do i handle this? in therapy i learned the memories can't make me feel any worse than i already do and i believe that, but i'm stuck. i know if it would just come, i'd start dealing with it but it won't. is there anything i can do?
thanks so much terrie. i love your sight. i don't know what i would do if i couldn't come here when i needed to.