I can totally relate to not really having a full memory and not being sure what parts are real and what parts perhaps are not. My view of it is that it doesn't so much matter what is "real"...what matters is what is real to you. Even if we create part of a memory that is not "real", that doesn't mean it was not a part of our own experience. We need to heal from it as if it happened, because we are healing from the inside injuries, not necessarily the outside happenings. Can you share some of the irrational thoughts and feelings that you spoke of, that you would like to be able to combat? Perhaps I or someone else can give you some feedback on how to start to conquer them. In any case, you CAN heal, with or without the full memory.