I find it hard to imagine ever even wanting a relationship again, and especially trusting anyone. Yes, I think today is a good day to LOOK at the ocean (not going in for fear of freezing to death!!!) As for the 5 am sadness, about two months ago I went through my storage to find my baby blanket. So now I can't fall asleep without my Blankie!! I LOVE my blankie though...hadn't seen it in about 10 years before this. It helps at 5am. Anyway, I am thinking of you too and hope you are doing and feeling well, Kira