I remember playing in the backyard with my father. He called me over and asked if I wanted to make love. That sounded nice, I wanted to be loved. As he pulled me to his lap, his hands went under my dress. I didn't understand. He started pulling off my underwear. He unzipped his pants and pulled his penis out. As he scooted me towards him, I realized I didn't want to do this. As he pulled me, he kept rubbing his penis on me. My head was spinning, I didn't mean to say yes! His penis entered me and he started pushing harder. My mind is screaming, begging not to go through this agian. I feel my head spinning, the blood rushing through my body. I feel his shirt that I am gripping as he rips me. I feel his hands under my dress pushing me toward him and his hot breath on my neck as he kisses me. Why did his love hurt? Would he have loved me if I wouldn't have let him hurt me? Did he do this to me because that is the only way he showed his love? Was that/Is that the only way I can get someone to love me? If I did that to make my father love me, why did it make my mother hate me?
I know these are stupid questions; but I just had to get them out! Something in me keeps asking them.