I understand, I am feeling a lot like that now myself. But giving up just doesn't seem to be an option so I keep plugging along. Every other time it has been this hard for us it got better. Sometimes it gets all the way better. So how about if we sit here together and hope that for each other?
I hope you will post more again. We all need each other and we need to be needed too.
BTW, don't be so hard on yourself about what your emotions made you do. Laura will be OK. It is you who needs to forgive yourself. No one is perfect. We all do things at times that we don't like to look back on. Go forward from here and remember how you felt when you did that, you may never do it again. But there is forgiveness in the world for such things.