Sitting outdoors, I could hear the wind rustle the leaves as I closed my eyes. It's such a pleasant sound. Almost as nice as waves when they crash against gargantuous rocks, the tide rolling in.
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WARNING ABOUT CONTENT BELOW
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I think about you little one. I know your name and I've seen your photos. Your home now is in heaven. Dissociation was not something you could manage.
"Don't go across the lot into the field, there are snapping turtles there," was what my mother used to tell my brothers and myself. We snuck anyways, searching for the sweetness of wild strawberries, which always stained our clothes and gave us away.
A small bunker, covered with grasses and weeds, wildflowers and snapping turtles also claimed it's position in that field.
We've opened the door now and there you sit. Your eyes are glassy and stare ahead. I believe you are not even three years of age yet.
A small white shirt with a navy blue jumper over top, white shoes and socks all dirty with age and dispair.
Pigtails in your white hair, messed up as your head lay against the side of the earthen bunker.
One of us climbs in with you and stares, watching as you starve without a single noise or whimper. Animals of all kinds find their way in and as she watches, she brushes them away the best she can.
It's no use. They've been there and you are long gone, it's only your shadow we see as your spirit remains. All of this because you didn't understand the miracle of leaving the bad and entering into a land of lies.
As I listen to the wind, I often wonder, were you the lucky one or am I? Did you ever have the chance to listen to leaves rustling or waves crashing? It's something I can only hope for now.
I'm not sorry my little sister and I'm also not glad. I only wish we were together, outside here tonight, the bad behind us now and a life together filled with only good. Because that is what I would have given you, what I wish I could have given you.
I'll not say good-bye yet as I'm not quite ready to let you go. I only just found you recently as someone crawled out to join you. And my mind remembers now, a little sister named you.