I agree with Terrie. Just because you laughed doesn't make you a twisted person like your abusers. Allot of people express their anger in different ways & yes I know people who do that by laughing. But, that never makes you or them bad. We have all been through so many bad feelings we are afraid of our own emotions I think at times. I know I am & I get so mixed up. I have had so many people hurt me I am afraid to just have a good time with a friend & laugh because I am afraid of being hurt. Afraid of getting too close & the trust issue is still hard for me too. You know though just because we were abused doesn't mean we will ever turn out like our abusers. I have heard people say the same thing. NO WAY! They were sick & I have become the type person since my abuse as a child to stay back. I don't want to even say anything to hurt anyone's feelings. I just hate to see people hurt. I've seen enough pain in my life. When I watch movies about abuse all those feelings are so real. It's almost like I am the little girl in the video. I have so many things that triggers my memory. Pictures, rivers, picnic spots, all kinds of things. My nightmares are so real too. I understand though that people express anger & fear in different ways. I also had a friend that laughed when she would get scared I guess to get her mind off it. Anyway, we can see from your letter you are angry because of your abuse & hurt just like allot of us. Don't put yourself down because of what happened. It's normal to have mixed feelings & laugh to cover up other feelings. Nothing wrong with that. You are not the bad person so don't be hard on yourself. Ok? We understand & care. Take care. Tam