But I have a cunning plan.March 29 2012 at 10:15 AM
rex with nowhere to park (Login thestinkiestbob)
Response to booby trap
I can get one of those cheap motion sensors for bike alarms from Maplins and one of their cheap 30w amplifier kits you build on a circuit board and a shitty MP3 player and some sort of crappy small-but-annoyingly-loud speaker and wire it all up into my giant empty headlight shell so that when some little scrote tries to move my bike it sets off a huge amount of screaming verbal abuse and horn honking and flashing lights. The entire street would know about it.
"ALERT ALERT- SOME FUCKING LITTLE PIECE OF DOGSHIT IS FUCKING ABOUT WITH MY BIKE. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS BIKE YOU STUPID LITTLE BASTARD. WHAT KIND OF COMPLETE FUCKING MORON ARE YOU. IF YOU FUCK ABOUT WITH PEOPLE'S BIKES THEN SOME SCREAMING HAIRY MANIAC WITH A CLAW HAMMER'S GOING TO COME RUNNING OUT OF THAT BUILDING ACROSS THE ROAD AND RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK STUMP. WHAT ON EARTH GIVES YOU THE FUCKING RIGHT TO FUCK ABOUT WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S BIKES YOU PATHETIC LITTLE SHITBAG? BY THE WAY, THIS ALARM HAS SENT A TELEPHONE MESSAGE TO THE RIDER WHO IS NOW HURRYING IN YOUR DIRECTION WIELDING A FUCKING CLAW HAMMER, SO IF I WERE YOU I'D MAKE A FUCKING RUN FOR IT BEFORE THAT MAD MOTHERFECKER GETS HERE."