I would love to make a 78 record of some of this.

My mum had an old antique wind-up record player and about a hundred old records that us kids were not supposed to touch, so naturally I'd sneak in and fuck with it at every opportunity because that's just the sort of horrible little kid I was.

I used to love the whole palova of putting the nail-like needle thing in it and cranking up the handle and swivelling the thingy down onto the rare and irreplaceable recording and watching the old records shred themselves as weird tinny music from The Past wafted out of the sound hole and bits of ancient record shavings fell away under the sheer weight of the needle ruining them forever.

That's how I found out about stuff like Cab Calloway and shit when I was a kid. Songs about drugs and prostitutes and stuff! But I had to keep it a secret because I wasn't supposed to be messing with this fine antique record player.

I've always wanted to do a 78 record on Bakelite or whatever and sell it with instructions on how to make your own record player out of cardboard, rubber bands, and a nail or something.