Dang!!!

You mean I passed?! I did?! I mean, I passed!!! Yesiree, I did!!! Yay!!!! Tell the truth now, darlin', wuz you gradin' on a curve? Well, whatta relief an' I don't even have to demand a recount!!! Let's cellybrate!!! Here's a big cy-bar hug anna big, sloppy kiss for my fave teach from her devoted studenty!!! Gee, I passed?! Takes a mite a gettin' used to...Ya see, I've never won anythang before!! Wow!!! Must be my lucky day!! Yippee!!

'Course, now that honesty's the word of the day, I gotta confess, I had a bit of tudoring from my ol'friend Elmo, who's the paint chip man down at the Orchard Supply Paint Depot. Actually, Elmo's my cousin...No, he's my friend, my cousin, my friend, my cousin, my friend....Kinna reminds ya of that scene from "Chinatown," don't it? You know, the one with Nicholson smackin' away at Dunaway..."She's my sister...No, she's my daughter, my sister, my daughter, sister, daughter, she's two, two, two gals in one!!!" Anyways, Elmo and I stayed up the whole night sortin' through all them paint chips to come up with that righty, tighty answer!!! And to think I almost guessed puce!!! Heaven forbid!!! What secret, benevolent forces guided my color palette, I shall never know but will remain eternally grateful.

Now, that I'm an Elmo trained paint chip expert, I'm ready to paint the barn, darlin'! In fact, I'm ready to paint the house, the barn, the car an' the whole town russet with you. 'Soons ya can, empty that scotch bottle 'n gimme a call, will ya, so's we kin cellybrate big time...Ifn' ya knows what I mean...wink, wink...For extry credit, I'll have you know that puce's the frenchy word for flea, and the color's suppose to be a reddish, brownish purple, being the color of a blood suckin' flea. Yup, got one of my 'coon dogs to scratch a few out, so's I could study'um real good by the light of the fly zapper. Oh boy, now I'm gonna prolly hear it from the 'coons!! Taupe, by the way, is another frenchy color word for mole, which are sort of a brownish grey...So, let's hear it from the moles!! Yay!!!

Kin tell, I'm a happy camper. Nothing like the sweet smell of success to go to a man's head. On top of it all, you're tellin' me I'm sexy, smart 'n clever as a 'coon hound to boot. Girl, you keep turnin' my head 'round 'n 'round with such sweet compliments 'n I'm gonna be starrin' in the next "Exorcist" remake fer sure. Of course, I do look tall 'n devastatin' in a tux, even if I'm a mite beatty-eyed...Awwwww, sweet-heart, 'course I 'member your visit to the farm...sun-dress...wide-brimmed hat..pearls, gloves...'n purty as a pitcher...Bet ya kin tell, I'm ready for another test!! Bring it on, sugar, 'cuz daddy's onna roll!!! 'At's right, do yer worst, I'll tell ya whatever ya wanna know...the capital of anywars... presidential trivia...square roots of anythang...ask me 'bout any color you want...jest pop the question, baby, 'cuz I'm all ears!!!!

Now, it's my turn, 'cuz I've got a lil'question for you, Ma'am...Did I or did I not detect a mite of jealousy by that pizza waitress reference?! Awwwww, darlin', you should know by now that no other gal kin hold a candle to you in my burnin' churnin' heart. It's just that you know how much I love pizza and it's so seldom I meet a woman who's got "anchoivies" tattooed on one hand 'n "pepperoni" on the other. I must admit, I was temporarily distracted by that, but I'm all over it now, I promise, 'cuz I've finally figured out that....

If I wanna do right all day's woman
I gotta be a do right all night man

That's right...Take me to heart
And I'll always love you
And nobody can make me do wrong

Takin' me for granted
Leavin' love unsure
Makes willpwer weak
And temptation strong

Yeah, yeah, they say that it's a man's world
But you can't prove that by me
As long as we're together, baby
I'll respect you, you'll see

'Cuz I wanna do right all day's woman
I'm gonna be a do right all night man
Jest you wait 'n see

XO
Bud