Maria, zat you?! Ain't seen ya in a coon's age,gal!!

Buenos natchos yerself, Sinnarita! I jest loves it when ya talk Spandex to me, Deanie darlin'! Guess that means yer channelin' "West Side Story" agin. Bein' a man who 'preciates a mite a variety, I always enjoys it when ya take a turn bein' Maria, tho' them folks back at the 'sylum used to git mighty spooked at yer singin' 'n dancin' widda imaginary friend inna Puerto Rican accent. Good thang I ain't the jealous type, or else I'd be demandin' to know all about this Tony fella. Havin' seen the movie 'an knowin' all 'bout Tony's bad end, I ain't 'bout to make a sad endin' any worse by such boorish behavior. Ya know doll, I'm always here fer ya. I may not always unnderstan' ya, but I'm always willin' ta take ya on love-fueled faith.

Yup, I'm a steady hand widda garden hose an' an even steadier heart for my lil'darlin'. Guess it takes one ta know one 'cuz I know yer every bit as steady whar this ol'red-neck's concerned. Yessiree, I've been readin' all yer sweet, 'dorable letters 'n takin'em to heart. Why, I even takes'em to bed every night, slippin' under my pillow as careful as you'd tuck in a baby. 'Course I thought a ya while hosin' down that lil'humminn'bathin'beauty. Yer the one who mentioned "critters great 'n small," in one a yer letters from awhile back. The phrase jest stuck in my head 'til the lil'birdie popped it out again. See, I'm larnin' all kinds a thangs, on account a you. Yer a great teacher, jest as I knew ya would be.

Still can't git ore yer lustin' after this pot-bellied ol'red-neck, tho. Lucky fer me thar's no accountin' fer taste. Yer so right 'bout one thang tho'....'Least I ain't no she-male, perish the thought...Ain't no hermafroditty, neither. Still, the whole concept a you a lustin' after me'll take a mite a gittin' used ta. Pass the pitcher a Mai Tais darlin' 'cuz I needs a good, long drink myself. Trust me on this, I t'weren't plannin' on gittin' ya all lickered up jest ta have my way wid ya. Nope. I know full well that "licker's quicker" but darlin' I plan on takin' my sweet time, all the time in the world, wid ya. I'm never in a hurry where yer concerned. Somethangs jest can't be rushed 'n yer one of'em. In fact, sweet-heart, yer all of 'em.

Actually, darlin', I didn't mean to lower the bar where that Turducken question was concerned. It really was the hardest dang thang I could think up. But it ain't that I'm so dumb, it's jest that yer SO smart! Butta course yer smart, ya wouldn't be the teacher if'n ya wasn't!! 'N I'm astounded to hear 'bout them cow p'luters tho' it 'plains ALOTTA thangs that've been happenin' 'round the barn lately...strange thangs...like when the roof blowed off....'n we thought it wuzza mystery tornedo!!!

Well, darlin' time fer me to let ya git back to bein' Maria. Ifn' ya don't mind, I'll be Tony fer a spell 'n we can sing a lil'romantic, late night do-ette medly on the fire-'scape...

Thar's a place fer us
Somewhar a place fer us
Peace an' quiet an' open air
Wait fer us somewhar
There's a time fer us
Some day a time fer us
Time together with time to spare
Time to look Time to care Someday
Somewhar we'll find a new way of livin'
We'll find a way of forgivin' Somewhar
Thar's a place fer us
A time an' place fer us
Hold my hand an' we're halfway thar
Hold my hand an' I'll take you thar
Somehow Someday Somewhar

Tonight, tonight, the world is fulla light
With suns and moons all ore the place
Tonight, tonight, the world is wild an' bright
Today the world was just an address
A place fer me to live
No better than all right
But here you are an' tonight
What was jest a world is a star

Tonight...Good-night, good-night
Sleep well and when you dream
Dream of me
Tonight

XO
Bud