Dang el, muchachas!

Maria! Deanie! Maria! Deanie! Can ya hear me gals!? Can ya hear me now!? Well, whichever of youse picks up the line, a right good evenin' to ya! Take a letter, Maria! Naw, jest jokin'! Wuz really wunnaful hearin' from ya two darlin's! Nothin' like havin' two, two, two gals in one!

If'n ya thinks I'm always sayin' sweet nuttins' ta youse, imagine how I must feel!? I ain't used to such sweet lovin' - 'specially in stereo - 'n 'ats the honest truth. Ya gots my ears burnin' 'n toes curlin', ladies! Dontcha dare worry a teensy bit 'bout addressin' all them thangs mentioned in my letters, 'cuz jest 'tween you 'n me 'n you, all that stuffs jest foreplay. Yup, true confessin' time from a gennelman widda bit of a guilty conscience. First comes the addressin', then the undressin', ya see. 'Ats how it works. Yup, it's jest the natural progression a thangs, if'n ya wanta lil'insight inta how the male mind works. Convoluted as a califlower, ain't it!? Now, I gotta good question for you, Professora: "Cuando es usted que va a volverme? Maria kin help ya widda Spandex, I'm sure.

Oops! My best milker, Clover, jest corrected me 'at it t'weren't Daisy Miller ya channel from time ta time, but Daisy Clover. So sorry fer the error. I'm downright mortified! Like I said, nobuddy's perfect, leasta all me. But I honestly think we git along great, ladies. Y'all have the ability to make me real happy 'n that's no small thang. Happiness is usually a sweetness that passes inna instant, like cotton candy inna wet mouth, but whar yer concerned it's a steady, glowin' feelin' that jest keeps fillin' my heart with gladness. Merci buckets agin ta youse!

Guess we always git along great, which is more than alotta folks kin say. 'Course we've never had all that much to do with one 'nother but on the other hand not too many people can say they've had the kinda friendship we've had. Don't believe most people kin even imagine the kinda relationship we enjoy so much. Think we deserve double credit fer uniqueness. I do agree that we're a good influence on each other. Ya have no idea the jails you've kept me outta!

'Course I'd love ta spend more time with ya, darlin', 'n I'd give my left nut fer a chance ta git ta know ya better. Sorry to be so rude 'n crude, sweet-heart. 'Ats jest guy talk fer wantin' somethang in the very worst way, ta make my point. On t'other hand, I could already light up a city 'til kingdom come with the fire you've lit in me, so thar's no hurry 'bout reportin' fer active duty. Jest knowin' yer thar in the reserves keeps me sleepin' real secure at night - crinkle, crinkle. If Heaven kin wait, then yer ol'Bud's the 'pitomy a patience.

Anyway, anytime, anywhar we git together, it'll be a helluva doo-ette 'ats fer sure...Move'ov'r Marie 'n Tony, Tony 'n Cleopatra, Liz 'n Dick, Dick Tracy 'n Hepburn, Bonnie 'n Clyde, Bugsy 'n 'Nita, McCabe 'n Mrs Miller...'Ats right! We'll channel uppa storm, jest ask the Gypsy..."Wharever I go, I know she goes...Wharever I go, I know he goes...No fits, no fights, no feuds and no egos...Amigos...Together...Wharever we go...Whatever we do...We're gonna go thru it together...We may not go far, but sure as a star...Wharever we are, it's together!

Now, I'd like to send ya ladies off ta beddy-bye with summa my very best commas...

Comma my house, my house
I'm gonna givva ya candy
Comma my house, my house
I'm gonna givva ya apple
Anna plum anna apricotta too, eh!

Comma my house, my house a comma
Figs 'n dates 'n grapes 'n cakes, eh
Comma my house, my house a comma
I'mma gonna givva ya everyting!
(Rosemary Cloony version)

Comma my house, my house a comma
How ya make-a my spirit climb
Comma my house, my house a comma
Bet yer ass yule havva real good time!
(Tom Petty version)

Sweet dreams,
sweet-heart
XO
Bud