I feel so lost and broken. My triplets weren't due until June 6, 2009. I went into labor February 16,2009 @ only 24 weeks. I had to have an emergency c-section. I cried so hard and prayed. All I kept saying to myself was my babies are going to die. I didn't understand how this could of happened. I did everything I was told and still two of my babies left this earth. My son, Michael, passed in 16 hours, and my daughter, Annessa, lived for a week. Emmalynn, my surviving triplet, is still in the NICU in Chicago. She is beautiful, and getting stronger everyday. Her weight has tripled, they are weaning her off the vent, she's doing remarkably well. She amazes me everyday. Yet, I still feel lost. Why would God take my babies or any baby for that matter. I know he has his reasons, but I feel as if I am being punished for past mistakes or something. I am angry, hurt, empty and sad. How am I going to tell my surviving triplet about her brother and sister and when?
We still haven't had the memorial service for my babies. I can't say goodbye...because then it would be final...they I would have to face the reality that they aren't coming back...I will never hold them, or sing to them, or get to watch them grow. I love Emmalynn soooo much but I feel like I am in a tug of war with my feelings. People have told me that i can still have more children later, but the truth is I don't want to go through anything like this again. This emotional roller coaster, no one should have to go through...ever. If anyone has any advice please email me. I don't have any family to turn to, I need someone.