The real world aplication of trust.June 4 2002 at 8:29 AM
|Doc (Login Dr_Douglass)|
from IP address 220.127.116.11
Response to Rigor? Or Rigor Mortis?
Rather than go off on a tangent descibing ideal settings for trust, I find real world examples to be so much more effective.
I chatted with my wife about this one first before hanging it out in the public. She agreed that it would be ok to share this.
As I have mentioned many times, my wife has a disibility. She has ADD. And for a long time, she has taken medications. Medications that make her sick. Every so often she gets a high level of medication in her system that produces toxic spells. The only option to deal with these is to stop taking the pills for about a week and have somebody give her Tigan shots to reduce the nausea. I don't know if you have ever seen somebody in the throws of the condition known as toxic poisoning, but, it ain't pretty.
Shorty after being married, the trust card came into play. She talked with me and told me she can't be my wife on this medication, it was not fair to me to be her care taker. She made it clear she wanted me as a husband, not a nurse. She wanted to quit taking the pills and see what would happen. She wanted to try and live a "normal" life for a while to see what it would be like. We talked to her doctor together. We discussed the pros and cons, spoke with the doctor about the environment in which she would be living, we talked a great deal about my secluded property. He agreed it was the ideal place for her to try to make some sort of "normal" life for herself, a place of recovery, a safe place. When the time came to make the choice, she could not. She was so afraid of letting people down by failing that she asked for the doctor and my self to make the choice for her. She wanted to see if we believed in her enough to support her, and, give her a good shove off to the right start. I was the one that made the choice. I respected, and trusted in her idea of freedom enough to make the decision.
She had a very rough period of transition, and, this was a time of building trust for both of us. There were some moments of hysteria, on both of our parts. There were a few freak out moments. She went into a nose dive for a while that really made me worried if she could handle this. But she pulled up. She righted her self and finally figured out the controls, and, she has been free to fly ever since.
She is a little more flighty now. A little more hyper than most folks, but, it is not so bad that it is crippling. She says for the first time in her life that she can remember that she feels normal. Oh don't get me wrong, she has her moments where stuff breaks down for a moment, just like I do with my PTSD. But that's ok. We are the nuts and we run this asylum. And we know how to take care of each other. There is a trust there, a trust that is hard to explain, it can not be defined as point a, point b, and point c.
And for me, that is the essense of real trust. Realizing that people and things are flawed. There is bound to be snags. Hell, some times, there is the whole crash and burn episodes, but, trust is knowing that you were free to crash and burn, and, knowing that somebody will come to clean up the wreckage. My wife is finally free to be her own person now. A person that giggles and is a slave to what ever whim strikes her at the moment. Much like my self. I don't take pills either, and I made that decision a long time ago all by my lonesome. I too, am a slave to certian things, things like panic attacks and sudden feelings of total dread that I have no control what so ever over. I am prone to fits of terrible depression that it takes an extreme act of will to dominate and seek some sort of control over. She is the high, and I am the low. And we trust one another in such a way to balance each other out.
For me, trust is sorta like driving a car where you have the breaks, but, the passenger has the gas pedal. Or vice versa.
- Destruction and Creation - Sirian on Jun 4, 2002, 12:34 PM
- A reply - Doc on Jun 4, 2002, 3:34 PM