I am now a half a century in age. I have done an awful lot in my life. Things I am pleased I had the luck to do. Big game hunting. Fishing. Being catapulted into a lake. Going jousting with real lances on real horses with the SCA. I have traveled cross country several times, well, many times, the two most memorable trips being in my van, the other being on a Jawa 125 motorcycle. I have done things that leave me with memories to treasure.
It's the things I have not done.
After my legs got crippled, I realized the one dream I had in my life would never happen. It crushed me. I have always wanted, since I was but a small child, to go and run with the bulls in Spain. There is something inspiring, incredibly romantic, and filled with the very essence of life in that one single act. I know, I probably sound pretty damn stupid. This one act that has eluded me has caused me no end of grief and frusteration. I have the money. I have the ability to travel. And yet, in a cruel twist of fate, I do not have the means to run. To do so now would be folly. I still dream though. I still have desire.
I have always cheated death. To do so confirms life. It validates your presense in the universe. To deny death his claim is to continue to exist. It makes your life worth while. It makes you grateful for simple comforts. It makes every breath you take mean something, something special, to know that you take that breath inspite of it all. As the old cliche goes, "To taste death is to live life." After such a life confirming event, it makes every sunrise and sunset, every star you see, every time you look at the moon, an intoxicating experience. You live with these memories, and, they come back to you. When you look up at the night sky, and think, you get that shudder, that shortness of breath, that slight rush knowing that you lucked out. All things take on meaning.
And so it is with me. I wanted a shot. Man vs Bull. I know, I have had plenty of chances to cheat death, but, this was the one I desired most. And no matter how hard I squeeze, I still can't get no juice from this lemon.