Feeling closeted

Well, I am writing a paper for a presentation on sexual abuse and it is bothering me. It's not the first presentation I've done on abuse, but I guess because I'm paying more attention to my own issues and reactions I'm very aware of how strange it feels to be writing about "survivors" and talking about how "they" deal with this and "they" need to be treated with respect and on and on and on when I'm really talking about "we" and "me". I just want to write in some sentence "and this includes ME and it means so much more than some academic presentation and theory so listen up!" It's impossible to separate my own life and thoughts about it from what I'm writing, of course, because that's where a lot of my thinking on this subject comes from. So I'm telling bits of my own story, but I'm doing it from the viewpoint of others - talking about "them, the survivors." It feels almost hypocritical, and very artificial. But it's hardly safe for me to get up in front of a conference and say "oh, by the way, I'm a survivor" - at least it doesn't FEEL safe. So it has to be in this "once removed" form and it's frustrating to me. Again, it just frustrates me so much to have to hide something that was not my fault. To have to act in a secretive way about someone else's crime. Oh well sigh. Thanks for listening.