This is exactly why I think it makes a difference to post your screen name vs. anonymously, because when you see who authored the post you can have an understanding of what may be driving them to their feelings.

I still stand by what I posted.  http://www.network54.com/Forum/634662/message/1326936913/I+think+it%27s+a+normal+reaction

And I completely understand the feelings of Teresa and NancyMN and whomever is new and feeling targeted.  I remember feeling almost embarassed to post that very first time.

I think it's like what Rebekah said http://www.network54.com/Forum/634662/message/1328101189/I+think+it%27s+a+case+of

Except that for some ladies it's a bit different than "she is just still back at stage 1 while you've progressed a bit".  For some ladies, the gap is wider.  They've progressed...A LOT...unwillingly, kicking and screaming and with massive heartache.  You know what highlights this the most right now?  Erin posted a request for roll call.  http://www.network54.com/Forum/209394/message/1328295847/Roll+call-Check+in-+please+respond%21  Looking at #1 through 14, there's only one - #13 SaraQ - whose story I know.  I don't even recognize those other names other than from very recent months.  Granted there can still be other postings to follow from #15 onward.  But the point is that the ladies that responded RIGHT AWAY are the ones that are active RIGHT NOW.  I see so many names missing from that roll call who used to be so active, that for me, it saddens me.  Because I've been on the boards now long enough to know that that means that the ladies have moved on in their journey, or have had their journey shut down altogether.  "Stage 1" is a distant memory.  But no one, at least not me, is taking away from what ladies #1 through #14 are going through or diminishing their fears; we've all been there at some point.

Teresa, apologies if I'm wrong, but it seems that while the original anon post may have been upsetting, your desire to post was triggered by the most recent post by SMRC?  Is that the case?  If so, then I kindly ask that you understand that SMRC has had a tough journey and is just going through some emotions.  In her post she even noted "Argh- just feeling a bit tired/cranky/frustrated after a long drive out to see Dr. C.heck".  Do you know how many times she's done that drive?  Do you know how long she's been trying?  And the challenges she's had?  She is one of those women who's moved on waaaaaaaay passed stage 1.  Sadly, she just recently suffered a chemical pregnancy from a donor egg cycle at C.ornell.  I'm not divulging personal info here, btw.  SMRC is on the DE boards, far removed from "stage 1".  I'm sure that her post was driven by the crankiness she owned up to; a crankiness that is understandable, IMO.  I can't speak for the original anonymous poster but I imagine it came from a similar emotional place.

But to go back to my original opening statement, this is why it's good to put your name to a post, especially when it's one that may be an emotional trigger for some.  Because when you know the author you can understand what may be behind it.

Speaking for myself, I don't think you or NancyMN or anyone else who needs help should leave.  Heck, you're both going to be at C.ooper...you're going to need all of our support! 

I am saddened that the newest newbies are feeling this way. But I am glad you were able to come here and post about it. I don't have much to add from what I posted earlier or what Mrs. A has mentioned here except that long time poster's biggest hope is that newbies tenure here is short lived. Most people believe in good karma and when you believe that, you know paying good deeds and wishes forward is a selfless act to do. But long timers are also human and they error in their ways. Long timers disappoint sometimes and say things out of hurt, jealousy, or shame. And unfortunately long timers tend to have developed a thick skin because they have been at this challenging road a little too long. Don't know what else to say except I hope newbies feel a little better and realize that everyone has a bad day and needs to vent; you just hope in the end the good days out win the bad. People really are good!

Just want to be very clear- it wasn't SMRC that upset me, or triggered me, it was the original post by an anonymous person because they were feeling horrible. The tone of the reference to "barely elevated fsh" -I did find a little hurtful. I dont want to go back and rewrite everything I wrote in my previous post, but thank you to jm who said it best- a diagnosis of high FSH is a diagnosis of high FSH.


I read all the posts after the anonymous posting and I noticed there were several ladies who were sweet, I think AJ said something like "it was probably b/c an RE told them it was high and freaked them out" which was the case with me- twice. I appreciated that.

I personally didn't think it was thoughtful, even if it came from an "emotional place" Ha- the poster obviously didnt think it was thoughtful either, which is why she posted anonomously and as "feeling like a horrible person" (for the record whoever you are, I dont think youre a horrible person but- a little abrasive maybe )

I think we are all emotional. That being said, I also think that sometimes we ought to step back and say "if I post this, am I going to hurt someone?" The poster offended a few others, not just me. I try to keep peoples feelings in mind before I post and I just felt the anonymous poster didn't. I understand the venting but again, they knew people would come here and read it.

Mrs. A- I can see your point where you thought maybe SMRC triggered my response because I posted after her, but It was not, at all. Girlscout honor, it was not why. Let me preface this by saying I'm tired, this has been a crazy week and I'm a little sensitive right now. Most likely you didnt mean it the way it sounded but I feel sort of like you think I'm uncaring by the way you wrote "do you know how many times she's done the drive, do you know how long she's been trying?"

I just wanted to share the perspective of someone whose FSH may not be through the roof, but was devastated nonetheless.


I'm still getting to know everyone here, as we all are, as everyone knows that its hard to keep up with everyone on the boards but I want to assure you, my reply wasn't because SMRC upset me. She didn't. SMRC had the decency to write her name and she admitted to being cranky and my heart goes out to her. I only did the drive once for the first time this week and it was long and we got lost coming home because it was 10pm and DH and I were exhausted. I can't IMAGINE how draining it must be to do that drive for years.

I was up in the air about responding to anonymous's post. SMRC wrote close to when I replied and I had already made up my mind to get it off my chest. I think I wrote a nice post, it was pretty simple explanation- I just wanted to share the perspective of someone whose FSH may not be through the roof, but was devastated nonetheless.

Everyone here is emotional. Everyone is tired, scared, fearful, one day maybe feeling great, the next day feeling hopeless. Everyone has been through alot. I've had 4 losses, I'm terrified some days of even trying to get PG again because I can't fathom going through another loss, another OB visit where the Drs face changes and I know, there is no more heartbeat. Sometimes I stop myself during the day and say "what are you doing, do you want to go through this again?"

The point of these boards, and thank god we have them, is so people can talk, learn, heal, vent, grieve, ask and feel safe. Not "my fhs is 50 and yours is only 13" that's just not necessary. That's all I was hoping to do here, never to offend. Everyone matters. That's all. Have a good night!

No way was I trying to imply you are uncaring!! Sorry if you felt that way;
please do not think that! I was only trying to build the picture/background of one woman to help put in perspective where she was coming from.

But no matter because as you clarified her post wasn't an issue for you.

You are on the cusp of a new part of your journey. If it's all OK with you, hopefully we can move on without you thinking I'm picking on you. Honestly, I wasn't and I'm sorry I made you feel that way.

Thanks Mrs A. I feel better, now. I understand what you're saying too about SMRC's perspective.

Ready to move on from this.

I'm glad that we (meaning everyone on this thread) could have a conversation like adults because I've peeked on other boards (specifically the Bump) and it gets nasty. Something like this would have turned ugly fast. So thank you all for being very nice.

T

I think you said that well, Teresa. I guess I'd also add that the timer doesn't start when we hit this site. Many of us have been dealing with this diagnosis for years, even if we've only fairly recently found this site. I've been dealing with this diagnosis for over 2yrs, and have been on this site nearly daily for 4mos- I'm not sure when I stop being a "newbie" and I left "stage 1" a very long time ago. While we are all insanely emotional (albeit, in different stages, different circumstances, have different reasonable expectations for success...) I do think that we can all be compassionate enough not to post anonymously in ways that we know would hurt others if they saw the post. There are other things we can do when we're feeling at the end of our rope- we don't have to bring anyone down with us. People will slip up and make errors- we're only human- but there's been so much of this going on lately that I felt the need to say something. This is in no way directed at anyone in particular.

I have appreciated the advice of others on this site so much and I think being here has potentially changed how my family will end up- I've felt more like maybe I have a chance with my high FSH, I've become more comfortable with the thought of donor stuffs and perhaps adoption... That's a big "arse" deal!! If I didn't care I wouldn't say anything. And now I will stop talking (I come from a long line of long-winded, big talkers... sorry! ). Good night to all!

Thank you all who have posted thoughtful responses. I just want to add that I respect that everyone will have different emotions at different times and sometimes they are negative and that is totally normal... IF sucks and screws with your head. Just echoing what teresa said about "think before you post".

Kum ba yaaaaa my lord....!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts...it helps a lot! It is really sad to think how much we have all gone through, and I realize some of us have gone through more than others. I know IF is a B*tch and does crazy things to us at times, myself included.

I can't say much more than what's already been said...but I do strongly feel that if you can't put your name to it, then maybe you shouldn't say it? I am with Teresa in thinking the comments didn't come from a thoughtful place either and the fact that some of the comments that followed in support were gripey towards newbies and very unwelcoming, I still think it's wrong. I don't think they were meant to do harm, but they DO alienate people from coming here. That was really my one and only motivation for responding to it...

So as not to fan these flames any further, I won't say too much more except to say THANK YOU to everyone. There are really so many wonderful ladies on this board who have the courage to share their stories and support with all of us. Without you I (and many others!) wouldn't be where I am now! And if I may, feel honored and flattered that newbies have enough trust and respect for you to ask questions! You guys are all awesome, without you we'd be really lost!

p.s. Thanks to everyone for sharing their personal stories, thoughts, feelings, and support. I wish I had the time today to respond individually to everyone, but I was very moved and it brought a tear to my eye reading everything. I just wish none of us had to suffer through this B.S. that is IF.

Hahaha! Kidding! Well, not about the cookies... yummm...cookies....

No I am very sorry this was misunderstood and I am glad it is being clarified.

I was specifically venting about "Breeze-bys". Those "drop by once, get advice, dissipate into the cycber-ether and then come back to say that, with an FSH of 11, they found success.

(11 is called "high" by some Dr.s but we well know it is within the range of hope! )

I think I can say none of us begrudge any woman with a low FSH, really we are jealous! We all know they are scared and need advice. But, the "Breeze-by" ladies are a drain on everyone! People who stick around and join and offer support themselves? LOVE THAT!

I also worry that FSH is such a red-herring to some Dr. and people. Like T, the Dr.s scared you to death when even Dr. C said that your FSH is not the issue, it's fixing the losses! So, you got sent down the FSH path, scared, and worried, all becasue some Dr. (AND I KNOW WHO!) put that in your mind! JERK!

But, if the function of the FSH board is also to give info then it is well doing it's job! You, as a great example, were able to get info and find a new Dr. and a new path. So, mission accomplished!

For me it was about "Breeze-by"s, not anyone who sticks with it... or is around enough to find Thunderdome"! That alone put you in a different category!

(Also that tread was started WAY after you guys joined... don't worry yourselves, OK?)

Hugs to you!
Sara H