I am so sorry for your situation! I think there are a few separate issues going on here, and I'll address them one-by-one:
--Legal system & perp: From my perspective, the half-brother has been shown some pretty serious consequences to his actions, relative to what often happens with juvenile offenders. As Gina says, he probably was arrested, if a felony charge was involved. (Charge may have been dropped/lessened though.) That doesn't mean the punishment is "enough," though! I can understand that you might not want to involve yourself in the legal stuff, but I think it could be helpful to you to find out what exactly the terms of his probation are, to see what the consequences for this actually have been. Could this be something a friend could look into for you, if you can't handle looking into it directly? Things like sex offender registration, whether the record will be sealed or not, etc.
One thing I would encourage you to find out is whether the probation prevents him from having any contact with your daughter... because if there is family that is minimizing his actions, I worry that they might "allow" visits with your daughter (if the ex has any visitation with her, especially). Actually, even if the terms of the probation provide for no contact, I would want to formalize that in a family court order with the ex, as well -- so that there would be consequences for him, too, for failing to protect your daughter from further abuse or emotional problems via visitation with the perp.
--Daughter's behavior: You need a new counselor, immediately. Child therapists especially know that they need to work around school, so it should not be hard to find someone who will accommodate your daughter's schedule. I would be looking for someone with experience dealing with young CSA victims, who places an emphasis on reinforcing healthy boundaries. Play therapy could be helpful. I would look for someone with less of a touchy-feely approach (that kind of therapist might be inclined to pass off your daughter's behavior as okay, normal stuff -- I think you need someone to help you provide a consistent message about how not ok this is).
I'd also put some steps in place to stop her acting out on other children -- supervise all play time, and don't be afraid to talk to her teachers about it.
--Family reactions: It is VERY common (and VERY sad that this is the case) for the family of an offender to minimize, justify, or prematurely "forgive" the perp's actions. Denial is a powerful motivator... and yes, he probably DID know it was wrong, but that isn't always "enough" to prevent a child who has been abused from acting out. Abuse does really terrible things to a child's boundaries and sexual behavior. I hope he had the opportunity to receive good, consistent therapy for the abuse he suffered... and good offender therapy since he made the terrible decision to act out? This isn't really your problem though.
ok I wrote another novel... sorry.
take care,
b
Posted on Jun 29, 2009, 2:43 PM from IP address 198.179.173.2
