I am going to include more info about my case as some of you have asked for it. My ex and I were already seperated and going through a divorce last year whn I learned of the sexual abuse. He had visitation with all three girls, ages 4, 3, and 1 every weekend. That weekend when they cam home, my oldest was very raw and would not even allow me to put a pull up on her. She was wincing and kind of wimpering and I knew that she must be sore or something. So I laid her down on the couch and she fought me as I spread her legs apart. What I saw made my heart drop as she was extremely red and appeared open and raw in her vagina. It was more than being just sore from wearing wet panties or something. When I asked her what happened she said that her dad's girlfirend's daughter, who was also four had touched her there. It was very very late and I waited until the following morning to call her dad. I thought that the other little girl must have had something happen to her in order to have done such a thing. The father avoided talking to the other little girl involved for several days and I got that nagging little feeling in my head. A few days later she told me that "Stranger lays on top of ******(other little girl). Stranger sticks his fingers in her bottom and she cries and no one will help her and she needs to go to the hospital but her mommy won't take her." That's when I knew that this may be way more involved and I called the crisis hotline and reported it to them and also my local CPS. I then took her for an intake interview with CPS where she told them, "Stranger sticks his fingers in my bottom." I was able to retain a temporary restraining order and they (my three and four year old) were sent to an SA therapist to find out further details. Over time they revealed that daddy was the strager when he was being bad and that he was daddy when he was nice. They also revealed more information which included digital and penile penetration of the anus and vagina of all of the girls. CPS also sent the girlfriend's daughter to the same therapist and she said the same things but she told the therapist that it was a secret and wanted to know if she told "will I be free?" My oldest daughter has been able to draw anatomically correct pictures of his penis which she calls his "clock".
When my oldest was fourteen months old she came home from her dad's parents home open and raw just like that. I took her to her pediatrician who said that she thought that something may have occured but couldn't say for sure. I was way more careful after that and never let any of them them go back to their grandparent's house without supervision. Two years ago both of my oldest ones were red and raw again at the same time after I was gone from the house for a period of time and I took both girls to the emergency room. At the time my oldest said that boyfriend "stick his finger in my bottom". However, the case was never properly investigated and again they told me that neither girl ahd been penetrated but that they may have been fondled that they could not say for sure as it is very hard to catch. I thought that I was just an obssessive parent and was being very crazy . . . if only I had known.
The state police recieved the case and issued a polygraph which their father passed. Because he passed the polygraph, they did no further investigation. That was rediculous to me as he is on all kinds of medications including blood pressure medications and also many sex offenders are albe to pass a polygraph because they show no remorse. I was never interviewed by the state police and neither was he except for the polygraph that was issued.
My CPS worker is crap. Spineless in my opinion. He came to my house for an interview and pretty much told me that he had investigated their dad but had not been able to get anywhere because he had his lawyer present. He told me that the girls' statements were all very disturbing but that his suspicions were unfounded without physical evidence and the fact that the state police had closed out the investigation. He told me that he did beleive that something had occured "but had no evidence to back it up".
I am about to pull my hair out. They finally have a guardian ad lidum who does believe them and recommended that they have an independent evaluation with a forensic psychiatrist. The whole family was required to be at the evaluation but we were required to go separately, girls included, and were kept in separate rooms the whole time. What do you know? They put the girls in the same room as my ex so that they could video their reaction. My oldest one went ballistic. She screamed and screamed and they had to escort him out of the room and bring me in to calm her down. Then, the psychiatrist said that he believed that the girls should be kept away from their father not because something had neccesarily happpened but because they "perceived" that something had actually occured. What the heck?
The only thing that interview served to do was make the girls' guardian ad lidum side a little more for us but without a lot of backing from CPS and state police, I don't know how long I will be able keep the other side at bay. I don't have a very good attorney because she is court appointed. I honestly don't have the money to hire anyone else and I feel like I do not have very good representation. We were in the middle of this whole mess when election time rolled around and wouldn't you know that the judge that was most familiar with our case got voted out? She favored my side and then I lost her. Now the new judge has only seen us once and we have a final hearing set for next month. I have had a harsh dose of reality about our legal system. It is all so broken and I honestly have lost faith in a lot of it. It makes me really sad because I feel like I have done everything right but I just keep hitting my head against the wall. I have journaled everything - all of their statements to me and my feelings. The SA had fantastic records with so much detail that it just amazes me. I am still stunned I guess that none of that is considered evidence. I think now that my oldest is suffering from PTSD. She also was hospitalized a couple of months ago with a severe constipation disorder that I didn't catch. She told me that she didn't want to poop anymore because her father stuck his finger in her bottom and she pooped on it and he gave her a spanking. I am exhausted! Always new info coming out and it feels like it will never end and that we will never be normal again. Anyway, so much to write but that is our story in a nut shell. I have so much more detail but would literally take hours . . .
Posted on Aug 25, 2009, 12:00 AM from IP address 173.81.175.36
