I wanted to say hello. I wanted to tell everyone some things I have learned.
I want you all to understand and know that God watches over all of us and keeps track of what is done by people against us - sort of in an account-like manner.
I hope everyone has found some peace in the tragdy that accopanies CSA.
Some things I've learned over the course of the past few months:
I want you all to know that not everyone who professes to be a friend truely is. Trust in people must be earned by them over time. If they show you that they are not worthy of friendship, don't keep trying, they don't want it. I had few boundaries and trusted many. I trusted some people mistakenly. And for some reason, some people enjoy hurting others because it makes them feel power over others when truely and in reality only the Lord possesses the right to that power.
Those who disbelieve in God's ultimate power over us all and use the wonderful gift of power God has given them (a blessing) to harm others take on sin; but not just their own, they also acquire the sin of the persons they hurt - parents as well. This is what I have gotten from reading both the Bible and the Quaran over many months. If anyone knows different, I would like to know. I am still learning and welcome any thoughts.
Children are free of sin, that's what make them the ultimate in transgresson for the souls of those who choose to hurt them. Hate is a motivator for evil.
But God sees the truth, knows what is in our hearts, and equals the score in the end. Did you know that according to what I've read in scripture that when our souls go up to heaven and someone has wronged us and not repented for their sins or continues to transgress, that we are actually able to see them and look down at them? What more justice do we need than to see the people who harmed our children, look down on them as they suffer horrible retribution for what they've done?
Always remember that as you strive for justice in this world where there's often little to none. It may lighten your heart to know this and make our situations easier to bear. I look forward to the day I can face ALL the people that chose to transgress a very sacred boundary.
In my case, my nationality made some people uncomfortable with me, so uncomfortable that I was harmed for it, which did't need to happen. I was never a racist but I failed to see that others are. It was too painful of a thought after years of suffering as a child with racism - I thought these people would "outgrow" their hate. Lies were told about me in order to influence others to help in a scheme to hurt innocent people, some very powerful people used, and some average people who thought they were doing something good to protect others. I want to forgive. One day I will. I've learned that now is the best time to start so I'm trying and will continue.
I want all of you to know that striving for material things is not the way to happiness. Living humbly and having "just enough" is always better. I was on the path of trying to acquire more and more to provide my family things I thought they needed, things I didn't have as a child, things I thought would make up for the lack of self-esteem I held as a child because of teasing again about my nationality and appearance. Really, I had what I needed all along. Most of you know this already and follow this rule of life but probably could use a reminder as some of us are constantly on a rat wheel, it seems, with work and our everyday lives - we all want the best for our kids and strive to attain it - but there's a point that more equals less for us.
Remembering to help those who are more unfortunate than us (there is always someone) even when we ourselves seem to be in the worst place at the time, helps us and others. That's why this site was so important to me in the beginning, it helped me to help others, or at least try, until I learned that it was not by mistake or oversight that my children were hurt. That's when I stopped writing here.
Ultimately, though, forgiving people who harm us, leaves us in a better position to receive God's grace. I'm not there yet, but trying. I want peace and I'm striving for that now and will be for the rest of my life. 11 years of my life turned out to be a lie and now I know the truth and I am free.
I'm not a bible thumper, Quaran thumper or anything in between, but I know now that there is evil in the world (I chose to live my life with rose-colored glasses on) and the only way to avoid evil is to never stray from the path that God has given us, predestined by Him, and it's easy to know what that is. Just follow what's in your heart and know that people will manipulate the truth to suit their needs against you when you stray from that path, which ultimately opens yourselves up to the evil that is out there.
Remember that protection comes from God and no one else. Control of our lives is limited, we can always be vilgilant, but protection always defaults to what He has predestined for us. If someone is going to harm you and you end up helpless to it, in the end the harm that they do to you and your children or child and the sin they acquire is hard to erase. God is forgiving, but always remember there is a point beyond which God no longer accepts repentence when the person/people continue to do harm and laugh in the face of humanity after they engage in sin and scheming for personal gain or pleasure.
Above all, know that God sees what is in our hearts, he knows the truth in everyone's lives and is always beside you during times of adversity.
Love,
Dena
Posted on Sep 30, 2009, 12:39 PM from IP address 24.217.239.118
