For the first time, I got up the courage to seek out forums regarding Parents of sexual abuse victims. I was hit with a double whammy that not only was my child sexually abuse, but my husband, her father, whom I adored, was the abuser. I found out almost 3 months ago, Aug.4 to be exact, when my daughter who was 4 at the time, said something that sent a red flag up. After further discussion, I realized my husband had been sexually abusing her. I immediately called CPS and he called me shortly after in which I confronted him. He admitted it and turned himself in to our local police department. I'm still in the process of going to courts.. both criminal and family, going to social services to get aid since he was the soul bread winner and carried our insurance. I have run the gammot of emotions from feeling like someone had died, to utter betrayal. right now I'm in a numb state of mind, but I'm surviving. My son who is 3 1/2 thinks Daddy is dead, although I've tried to reassure him that he's not, that Daddy made some bad choices and has to be in time out for them and that he's "sick in the brain" and had to go somewhere to get help and we won't see him for a very long time and that he's never going to be able to live at home again. I felt no need to be graphic or to say EXACTLY what is happening to his father or to say where he is. I'm trying to protect them from that side of it as much as possible. I'm taking my daughter to see a counselor tomorrow for the first time, but know that we're all going to need it. I think I'm in a state of confusion right now. I'm confused as to how.. my family that I THOUGHT was perfectly normal, well adjusted upper middle class HAPPY family, could.. with in a space of 5 seconds, be destroyed. I love/d my husband with all my heart and had every intention of spending my life with him raising our wonderful family?? How could he do this?? Why?? There was never any indication or sign that anything was going on. Then I find it had been going on for a couple of months minimum. He told her that if she told their "secrets" that the police would come and take him away and she'd never see him again. I had been trying to reassure my daughter, who turned 5 last week, that Daddy made the mistakes, that he was the adult and should have known better. Her response was.. "Daddy turned off his brain before he did those things.. huh mommy??" He did not physically assult her, he had her help him masterbate, taking turns. I won't go into detail. HOWEVER, this past Tues. she asked me.. "Mommy, you keep saying Daddy made the mistake and he did something wrong and that I didn't. But, if I did it with him, how come I didn't do anything wrong too?" I told her Daddy was the grown up, he knew better and she didn't, but that we were going to talk to someone who could answer her better than I could. This is just the surface of what we're going through, as many of you probably can understand. My friends and family have been well meaning, but they say things that are often hurtful and I know it's unintentional. I just needed to hear from others who have been where I am standing. Thanks for reading...Martha
Posted on Oct 26, 2009, 10:19 PM from IP address 70.100.188.102
