I wonder if I can tell this without getting into all the side stories? My 14 year old son is awesome, everybody loves him, he is an honest, caring, and very attractive boy. This past Saturday, I read an article about a man who admitted to molesting at least 12 boys. The name sounded familiar so I asked my son what his friend's stepdad's last name was, and as I feared it was him. I didn't ask my son if he was a victim, but I asked him if he wanted to talk to a counselor to which he replied "why would I? I'm not a victim... I feel SO bad for the boys that were though!" He spent a lot of time by himself for the rest of the day and a little extra time with his father and myself and a time or two he mentioned how bad he felt for his friends and for his friends mom, the perps wife. (I feel HORRIBLE for her and the kids as well, this is the SECOND man she's married who turned out to be a sexual offender)
Anyway, today I had a phone call from a sherrifs deputy letting me know that my son's name came up as not only someone who had spent time over there, but as a victim. Of course a flood of images and flashbacks have been washing over me all evening and night. I swear I thought I was being "on top of things". I talked with my son about my concerns regarding this guy (his father and brother are/were both registered sex offenders and I thought there may be a family "problem", I knew his father lived close to him and wanted to keep my son away) I think I did all I could to be sure he wasn't alone with him or spend the night at their house. I talked with my son off and on about the family and the step-dad and he told me this guy had "creeped him out" on occasion, but "don't worry mom, I don't go there when he is home... Don't worry mom, he's around but I don't see him ever and if he did try anything, I can take care of myself... and I'd never let anything happen to (the youngest kid)" "You know I know I can call you and you'll come get me no matter what, don't worry, don't worry, don't worry..."
I didn't like that that this man was attempting to get close to my son over the past couple years, offering him expensive video games, asking him to help out with the youngest son, telling him he'd pay him to mow lawns on properties he owned, offering him a job cleaning out the house his dad had occupied (I don't feel bad thinking the dad is in Hell right now, because i hope he is) My son didn't take him up on the offers, but once last summer he did go to hang out with his friend and I got an intense phone call from my son asking me to come pick him up ASAP! When I got there both my son and his friend were outside and my son said his friend was going to another friends house because the stepdad had been drinking... I guess we'll find out the rest of the story sometime now.
Anyway, last year, my son's grades were in the toilet, he got in trouble for fighting, and though his teachers said he was always honest about disciplinary stuff, he really wasn't his usual easygoing self and I was really worried because he didn't seem to care. I was worried about highschool for this reason, but he is LOVING high school...his grades are A's and B's, he has a great group of friends, he likes his teachers and seems to be enjoying his classes and sports and he still spends time with his father and myself. He's just a great kid and I'm SICK about his allegedly being victimized. Sorry this is so long... i just don't know how to deal with this. Maybe he was victimized and has already moved on and just wants to put it behind him and be happy in his life. In fact, i'm positive that is true.
But the detectives want him to talk to a 'neutral' counselor who has a ton of experience in these cases, the cop asked me not to talk to him about it before the "interview" and I can understand why, but I've talked to him already since the news story,my immediate gut reaction was that my son was VERY LIKELY one of the twelve boys this man admitted to being inappropriate with but I haven't pushed him because he insisted that he wasn't a victim... I know he knows the other boys and I'm sick for the mother in all of this (... what do I say to her?) I just feel like it's wrong to blindside him with a counselor interview and I'm going to talk to the counselor myself tomorrow to see the best way to handle it. I don't think it's lying to him to at least tell him that they'd like to talk to him as someone who spent time over at the house... but he also seems to have "moved on" into his high school life and though I'm sure he'd like to see the pervy perp go to prison, I get the feeling he wants the other boys to put the guy away without his input. I just don't know what to do... i feel guilty and sad and numb and I love him more than anything :)
Posted on Oct 27, 2009, 2:02 AM from IP address 72.174.54.159
