Thank you for your supportive responses. I do feel alone somethimes, knowing that others do not understand what I'm going through. I think I'm having a hard time though because I do not hate my husabnd. I'm not even "righteously angry" with him. Is that wrong?? Am I angry? yes. Am I grieving? yes Do I want him to be held accountable? Yes Do I think he needs to pay the penalty?? yes But it still matters to me what happens to him. I'll love him until the day I die. In my head and heart, I think he must have some awful, evil sickness to have done this and he needs to go through some program. I know that pedophelia is not curable. I know that he'll NEVER live at home again. He'll NEVER be allowed alone with our kids again. But sometime down the road do I want him to be able to see them if he's had suitable counseling and there is appropriate monitoring?? I don't know... I think maybe ~ yes. My heart breaks for our family, for the man he was and for the man he's become. Is that wrong of me?? I know I'm not in denial. I'm very aware of what he's done. I live it every day. I went to see a counselor on Tuesday and she was mildly concerned that I haven't had outright anger against my situation and what he did to our daughter. She said that is healthy to feel that way, but because it's been so recent, that I may have not gotten to that point yet. She said that I have been through the grief and am still going through that but that from what I've said, I've reached a stage of numbness, but that the anger will probably come later when I least expect it. I read what some of you have written about the "monsters" and the crazies who have done this to your children and I wonder.. why don't I feel that way?? If it had been anyone else.. I would, or so I think. I just do a lot of praying that we (my kids and I) will come out the other side whole.. different but whole.
Hope I'm making sense.
Posted on Oct 29, 2009, 8:44 PM from IP address 70.100.188.102
