At this point I think the best thing you can do is request that your sons go to counseling. If he doesn't agree then ask for it in court. Have the names of a few therapists who are respected by the courts who work with children of this age. Have three or four names and then you can let your ex choose which of those. Pick therapists that work with young children, have some experience with sexual abuse victims, but also experience with family dysfunction...that way you can market the counselor request as helping the children cope with the divorce of their parents. Whether he admits he abused them or not....he certainly can't claim that the divorce is not hard on the children.
So then your best bet will be that one of the boys will disclose to the therapist. It won't happen the first time you go or the second so be patient. Also don't tell the boys to disclose....it will only come back to bite you in the butt. I know that is going to go against everything you want to do ... but you absolutely have to keep that to yourself. When one of the boys is disclosing something to you say....that's interesting...maybe it is something your counselor can help you with. Nothing else. Then document the conversation.
Document what they say and how you respond. Sometimes you will have to document that you didn't do absolutely 100% what needed done but if you try to make yourself out to be flawless then they will believe little of what you say.
Posted on Sep 22, 2011, 9:19 PM from IP address 220.127.116.11