Cassandra, I'm so sorry I hurt you, it was not my intention. I understand that when your child starts saying this stuff, you try and figure out what exactly is going on--did he hear it from another child? Did he somehow see it on a video somewhere? Did he see photos in some magazine somewhere? And especially at his age it takes time to realize the unthinkable-- he's saying it happened TO him. I didn't mean to accuse you of not reporting soon enough, I meant that the defense and the court often choose to see it that way and so I wanted you to be able to plan accordingly. Also, the defense and sometimes the cps case workers often may look for anywhere you may have put thoughts in your child's mind, or words in his mouth, so it's just something to be mindful of--make sure they can't find anything that they can claim is your influence on your son, not his own true experience. If they ask your son "how do you know this" you don't want him saying "mommy said that." It can be so draining to have to always be thinking of how to beat them at their own game, and it's ridiculous you have to do that, but it's all efforts to protect your kids.
Looking up and becoming familiar with the law in your state may really help you in your approach and in what you include in your documentation. It's so confusing-- states differ on what is contained in the laws on CSA including age ranges for victims and perps, whether the perp is related or not, definitions, length of abuse, etc, and the penalties are even more involved. We really need a federal standard. Any attorney that you may be able to get appointed if you qualify (it's worth looking into that too--some people who thought they wouldn't, did qualify) really needs to be familiar with how these types of cases are handled in your state.
Most states have a victims of crime compensation office, where there is funding for counseling either free or at greatly reduced fees. Usually you do not need someone charged to be eligible, you just need a report. In our case, the ADA's office gave my son a list of participating counselors in our area, and when one saw him a few times and felt he needed different treatment, she sent him to another for EMDR for the severe flashbacks (my son's abuse started at age 15 by his adjunct band instructor who was a family friend), and it helped him alot and was all covered. At your son's age, the usual activity they do is play and art therapy--nothing too heavy or upsetting, just to see what he offers or creates (which sometimes turns out to be good substantial evidence).
Please know my intent is not to accuse, blame, or cause further pain in this for you. None of this is your fault. Your son is so brave to have said anything, and he did absolutely the right thing, and you are doing all you can too. My only intent is to give info that you may not have that can possibly help you, and to support you if I can however you may need that. Coming here is the right thing to do--unfortunately there are many people here, and there are many different stories and experiences with this, so you may hear many different perspectives and courses of action. Hopefully you can get some really helpful ideas here. I posted a list of books and resources that was originally twinkle's list (haven't seen her here in a while--hope she's OK!!!) and as I found some more I added to it. Some of the books for younger kids have been highly recommended, and maybe one or two could be helpful to your son.
Again, I'm so sorry I offended you, I truly only want to help. Come here whenever you need for advice, support or just to vent! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted on Sep 26, 2011, 10:03 AM from IP address 22.214.171.124