Thank you Gina for your words, you have struck a cord with me when you asked the ages of my boys (they are 13, 10 and 7) because every time I post and then read a response I always feel like I wish they knew this or I wish I could explain that. Every situation is so different and yet so alike. I am hopeful that because I have sheltered my kids (I believe due to my own csa) that my oldest is on the immature side and he really thought it was just a game (i.e., playing post office). I always wanted my kids to be kids and not to grow up to quickly. For example, every child in his class has a cell phone and he does not. I felt that there is a phone in the house for his use and if you are going out to a dance at school you can take my phone or your father's in case of an emergency. I always had play dates for my kids at my house so I knew what was going on at all times, my kids do not go outside with out supervision, I have taken every precuation known to man and yet I agree I feel "fooled" that this happened under my nose. I feel like a failure as a parent on my worst days and on the better ones I feel like I have let my youngest down. I do not want to let down my oldest if these incidents were curiosity and not mean spirited. As far as we know at this time, there was no penetration and inappropriate touching is as far as it went. If I were to find out different this week at the forensic interviews I am sure my plan will change. I have wanted counseling all along and that is how reporting came about. I tried to get them into therapy and interviewed many therapists and could not find one with the background I believe they need to help my kids. I decided to go to what is known in my county as "Mission Kids" it is a childrens advocacy team and with that it has snow-balled, now everyone is involved., from the police to an appointed attorney for my youngest. I am having a hard time with the detective because I feel like everytime I question sonething or ask a simple question I am threatened with welll we will take all your kids from you. This would be devastating to all involved. I keep reminding them I am the one that came forward and wanted to get help. I have questioned and kept open communication with my children. I might be looking through this with rose colored glasses so to speak but I cannot send him away until I have all the facts. I had a horrible childhood and certain memories cut to the bone and I do not want that for him because if I am wrong he would never forgive me and rightly so. You guys are also correct with how tiring it is to keep 100% supervision at all times, but that is what I do and that is what I will continue to do. I believe that because he is a good kid, honor roll student, liked by all his teachers, is involved with the church and choir he deserves the benefit of the doubt for now. It almost broke my heart when I read an email from his coach saying he is getting the award for most inspirational player on his basketball team. Because I am so angry with him and god help me at times hate him for what he has done to our family and more importantly whjat he has done to his brother. I try to have faith and then my raw emotions come into play and I loose it. Believe me when I say I am putting my youngest first in every way possible, but I have to follow my insitict and pray to god that I am correct and that I caught this before it was too late. Yes, I absolutely understand it was abuse but I am torn with the responsibility to all involved and the hope that this can be salvaged. In my case there was no salvage I will dance on the grave of my brother when he dies (as I hope for a painful death), my mother did not even tell my father when she caught him in the act, she swept it under the rug and back then 40 years ago kids did not realize they had rights, we at least in my home, did not. We lived next door to a police officer and I was best friends with his daughter and it never occured to me to say something to him. But that is then and this is now and I hope that I can help all involved. My days are consumed with thinking of this and it has helped to pour it out at this site. Thank you for listening once again and i am truly happy that your girls are doing so well. May I ask how long it has been for you and how old your boys were when this occured I believe you mentioned you daughter was four (which is unforgivable for a brother to violate his baby sister that way) and I certainly understand your emotions and decisions and I believe if it was my little girl that would also make a difference. Being an older boy does not excuse anything but I am hopeful this week the forensic exams will confirm my suspicions and if they do not then that hard decision is already made and he will be gone. Did you keep tabs on the boys as they grew up and were they with relatives, because for me that maybe the only thing to get me through that decision that maybe I can place him with a family member. I am afraid if he were to go into a group home that he would be the one that would becomne a victim because he is not a "tough kid" and I do not want that to happen. I could not live with that guilt. As it is my guilt plate is really full. Thank you once again, everyone, for allowing me to vent here. My prayers are with all of you and your families. Gina thank you again.
Posted on Feb 25, 2012, 4:29 PM from IP address 184.108.40.206