Hi Brookie, I'm so sorry for all you and your daughters are going thru. I don't know that I can give you legal answers, but I wanted to let you know that you have come to a good place for support. We all have felt some degree of shame or guilt for not knowing that the abuse was happening. But the truth is that the perps are very good at doing it when no one would ever expect it, and they are very good at getting the victim to not say a word. It is commendable that your daughter disclosed to you, good for her! I'm proud of her. She did absolutely nothing wrong, and neither did you. But it is important that she knows that you believe her wholeheartedly; it's so important to her healing.
Regarding what is being posted online about you and your daughters, print it out so you have evidence of it and give it to the prosecutor, and let him/her know about your past mistakes and that you feel your ex is trying to use it against you; the prosecutor needs to know anything s/he may be up against. I don't know what state you are in, but the laws about child sex abuse vary from state to state, and it's good to know exactly what they are where the abuse occurred. Do you have an attorney? If you do, give him/her copies of the online comments, and reveal your past mistakes for the same reasons you would tell the prosecutor. If you don't have an attorney, you may want to look into getting a consultation (you should be able to find one for free) and opinion about how to handle what the perp is doing and saying, and how your past mistakes may affect the case. I would imagine it would not help the perp's case, you have sought help and successfully moved on without repeating the mistakes (good for you!) and it was a very long time ago, so my gut feeling is they are a non issue. Any online defamatory and slanderous comments may be a separate case for the prosecution, and a civil suit later on for you if you so choose. It's always best to gather as much info and education as you can about all aspects of your situation, and just have it "in case..." But as for what he's saying and claiming, try not to let it get to you. Try to treat it as part of a business assignment--get the evidence, give it to the proper people, and try to put it out of your head so it doesn't distract you and derail your efforts in getting help and justice for your daughter. You need to gain control of your situation and not let the perp have any more than he's already taken.
There's a book that's geared especially for teens who have been sexually abused that your daughter may benenfit from. I bought it for my son and we both read it and found it very helpful; it's called How Long Does It Hurt by Cynthia Mather, and it's very thorough about feelings, the law, the legal process, healing, etc. There's also a website that is very comprehensive about this whole issue, it's www.mosac.net , Mothers of Sexually Abused Children. It helped me understand things and be more informed, and I strongly recommend checking it out.
My heart goes out to you for all you and your precious daughters are dealing with. I'm glad you came here, ask for whatever you need--advice, support, or just to vent, we are here for you. Read alot of the past posts where you'll see lots of different stories, good advice, and caring words. Be strong, and make sure you take good care of yourself thru this. You're all in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted on Feb 29, 2012, 9:58 AM from IP address 126.96.36.199