I don't know how to handle this

by Katy

Hey there...

Yesterday, my almost 19 year old stepson who is still in high school and still lives with us, told his dad and I that he was sexually abused when he was 14 by the father of a friend of his. I'm honestly just not sure how to handle this....how to treat him now.

Up until yesterday, we were really on his case....because he is very close to not graduating high school.

A little back story. He came to live with us last summer because he wasn't going to graduate high school due to bad grades, back where he was living with his mother. So he came to live with his father and I and started school with everything in place to graduate.

All year he's been totally blowing off his school work. Only hanging with friends, playing video games, and other stuff. Now we're down to 5 weeks left of school and he's currently got two f's and is in danger of not graduating. He's been telling us he's been working hard to make up assignments and test so that he can get his grades up, but we found out a couple of days ago that that's not true. Him and his dad had a huge fight two nights ago about the whole situation, and then yesterday he came home from school and dropped the bomb about him being sexually abused.

Other than being very angry at the man who did this to him, I don't know how to react to this. I don't know how to treat him. I don't know what we're supposed to expect from him now. Should we still be pushing him to get his schoolwork in so he can graduate? Are we supposed to have any expectations of him at all anymore or are we just supposed to feel sorry for him because of these things that happened to him back when he was 14.

I don't mean to sound cold, but he's not a little kid. He's 18 years old and I can't help feeling like he suddenly decided to tell us this now, just to take the heat off of him and the whole failing high school situation.

I love him, but my gut tells me he's just trying to get out of doing what he needs to be doing to graduate. Instead of working on all the past assignments he has to do this weekend, he's now sitting in his room watching movies on his iPad and texting his friend. I'm I just being cold and insensitive?

Posted on Apr 28, 2012, 11:30 PM
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  1. understand. kim, Apr 29, 2012, 1:50 AM
  2. Re: I don't know how to handle this. Laura, Apr 29, 2012, 2:31 AM
  3. Re: I don't know how to handle this. SpinningInCircles, Apr 30, 2012, 8:56 AM
    1. Stand by your daughter. Kathleen, May 1, 2012, 7:29 AM
  4. Re: I don't know how to handle this. blurrrb, Apr 30, 2012, 3:16 PM
  5. Thanks for all your advice.. Katy, Apr 30, 2012, 6:35 PM
    1. Re: Thanks for all your advice.. blurrrb, May 1, 2012, 7:12 PM
    2. mho. gina, May 2, 2012, 6:15 PM

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