I'm so tired. I cannot sleep; cannot stop crying. I'm so tired of being depressed and afraid.
It's been about a year since my daughter disclosed that her step-father, my husband molested her. She seems to be doing well. I, however, am still a wreck. I'm still devastated and in shock that he could have destroyed our lives like this.
He is not in jail because it was merely her word against his; he did get 2 weeks before the state dropped the charages though. He lies to everyone and says it was a "misunderstanding," but I'm not an idiot. And he will NEVER have opportunity to harm her again.
However, I have been thus far unable to sever ties. It's not that I still love him; but I fear that I NEED him, and he does help me out with car repairs and household repairs. I have no other family. Just me, him, and my daughter. I do have some close girlfriends though, who are supportive, but it's not the same. I'm afraid to be totally on my own, even though I feel it is what is best for my daughter. I feel weak and like a terrible mother.
I have also, over the last year, developed a deep and abiding mistrust of men. It doesn't help that right before this happened my older brother disowned me because I still say "hello" to his exwife on facebook sometimes (honest), or that both my father and my son are dead. It just seems that abandoning and hurting us is what men do. I'm trying SO hard to not let my daughter see my feelings. She's going to have enough trouble with relationships without adopting my skewed attitudes too.
Posted on Jun 14, 2012, 1:15 AM from IP address 18.104.22.168