It feels like a dream right now. I took my kids to a child molester and left them there. It feels like he gets to play with my mind. Does he molest them tonight or tomorrow? What time will it be when His girlfriend wakes and he is not in bed? Will she wake up? Does she care or is she just as sick as he is? I catch myself starring and a few hours will go by. I can't tell you what all I did today because the days run together. I know it is time to sleep because it is dark outside. I watch endless youtube videos and go and read websites on child molestation to maybe email a website that says they help defend children just to get referred to the child advocacy center located across the street from his company that never helped us to begin with. What is the answer to saving my children? Why does the judicial system not care? Why do they expect me to be fine with this decision? I am the most honest person I know. Why me? Why can't I have the normal family? I want my life back. Sometimes I think working trauma is the only relief I can get because trying to keep a person alive takes my mind off of my ex ******* my 10 year olds vagina tearing it like he did my other child. I long to see that stabbing victim in front of me to try and keep him alive or keeping a child alive who is bleeding to death from his leg being cut off from a lawn mower. I want that in front of me right now so I can have something to work on and I can fix! I have tried to die many times and it didn't work. I tell people if I jumped off a 30 story building, I would probably survive but be a vegetable the rest of my life, But I do have to say that in order to feel relief, I pretend like tomorrow I get to die. Tomorrow I get to leave and not have to feel like this ever again, tomorrow it is someone else that has to deal with this, not me! I wish in a way it was true that I get to die but I know, in reality, I will wake up tomorrow and I will have to face the silence with the distant cries that are muffled by my ex-husbands hand being placed over my babies mouth while the other hand is fondling them but this time a wall doesn't separate us, it is miles my children must run to for safety.
Posted on Nov 27, 2013, 1:38 AM from IP address 22.214.171.124