Thank you thank you for this forum. This is the first time since learning of the terrible news that I haven't felt so alone.
Last November my whole world literally fell apart...I learned my husband of fifteen years had been abusing our thirteen year old daughter. It was a double loss in one instant. The shock, pain and betrayal was tremendous. I cannot over-state it. For csa to touch my happy little life, at all...for someone to have harmed my precious, only daughter, was bad enough...but for it to have been her own father...her flesh and blood, the very one who should have been her protector..my husband, my partner, my mate, whom I all unknowing slept next to every night...there are no words. In an instant everything came crashing down. My marriage was over, I was alone, with no job and no money and no idea how to best help my poor suffering girl. Terrified does not cover it. Devastated begins to...but there are so so many facets to this pain. It's almost crippling. But I don't have the luxury of falling apart...my children need me. I fear I cannot rise to the responsibility...that I will fail. But all I can do is try.
My three boys know nothing of the abuse. They don't know.why dad had to go away. This has of course wrecked their childhoods, too. I am a faithful gal, I gave my marriage my all, and would not have split the marriage for any other reason. But it's a no brainer...he cannot be allowed near her, ever again.
She is struggling. She has refused counseling, she only went once. She is on medication for anxiety/depression. She has ptsd, agoraphobia, extreme social anxiety, fear of men, insomnia, nightmares when she does sleep, regression, hasn't attended church or school in months. I'm so afraid for her. I'm so scared and afraid and worried and oh, just everything.
The deep, tearing pain of the wreckage of my marriage is not to be underestimated either. My daughter comes first, and I would lay down my life for her if I had to. But this hurts...just dealing with a divorce alone is enough to derail people, or just dealing with csa itself is enough to shake us to our core...but this, coupled together, both...I don't even have a spouse to lean on, he is the bad guy here. I must navigate a broken marriage and an abused child. It's just too much. Even though the marriage was already abusive, with verbal/emotional abuse upon the children and me...I still never dreamed he would do THIS...and it's still such a shock, horror, and betrayal.
I haven't lived with the abuser for seven months. I and the children are moving far away from him, to be near my loving supportive family. I now have a good job lined up there. Daughter is so very happy & eager to go...I know it will be a fresh start for her and all of us. So there are happier days on our horizon.