I know most of you know this from Facebook, but for those that dont know, I lost my baby on Monday.
Booger was throwing up off and on Sunday, and after a horrific night, the vet diagnosed him Monday morning with a condition called "mega-esophogus". Booger's esophogus was the size of his spine on the xray, when it shouldnt have even been visible at all. Food and water wasnt going down and getting to his stomach properly and it was causing him to throw up. He aspirated and had a ton of fluid in his lungs. Aside from it being very touch-and-go with the pneumonia, I was told that all of Boogers food would have to be liquified in a blender from now on, and very slowly drip-fed from a small syringe I was given, four times a day. Water too. Small feedings, four times daily. After each feeding, he would have to have his head held pointing straight up for 20 minutes. This would have to be done the rest of his life to help keep him from aspirating in the future, and even with doing all that, it was still bound to happen from time to time. He would have an on/off battle with pneumonia the rest of his life- IF he survived this time, which was not looking good. Also, he would have to live the rest of his life in my bedroom, away from too much excitement, because he would then get worked up being a Bully and need water that I couldnt let him have but a few drops at a time. I took him home with me and sobbed while doing as much research as possible. My husband came home, and we made the decision to go back to the vet to let him go. Some dogs live with this condition, but being a Bully and with it being so severe, it made it so much worse. I couldnt sentence a dog to a life like that, knowing he was never really comfortable unless he was at my feet. I couldnt even go to the bathroom without his company. How was I supposed to make him live that way and not expect him to think he had done something wrong?? He was so sick and so weak and hacking to the point of shivering from the pain.
I know I made the right decision. I know I did. I just would never have believed his life would end this way, and so young. He was my heart and soul and nothing feels right without him. I feel so cheated. He would have been four years old next month. I happened to visit a breeder/judge I discovered lived near my parents when I was in town to visit, and she had had a female with a litter delivered that morning. I met Booger on the day he was born, and spent 6 hours in the car every other weekend to hold him and play with him from that day until he was ready to come home. Booger was my heart, my shadow, my best friend and my angel when I have needed one the most. I loved him and needed him more than I ever thought was possible. The house feels empty and its so quiet at night its just unbearable. Im doing really good during the day, unless I see pictures of him- which are everywhere- and at night I cant keep from crying. How could I have fallen soooo deeply in love with a "DOG"?!?!? I am completely lost.
Posted on Mar 14, 2012, 5:17 PM from IP address 188.8.131.52