No I never suited up for an NHL game in my life but I've played in some minor pro leagues and ended off with a stint in Europe.

I just have a few tips that I've picked up over the years that I really believe in:

1. Focus more on the positives with your son after his games. As much as you want to turn down the car radio and list each and everything he did wrong in the game stop yourself. All it will do is beat down his confidence and TRUST ME confidence is a HUGE part of a good hockey players game. Tell him what he did well and later on you can go over what needs work. If you yell at the kid for every small thing the next game he's just going to second-guess every move he makes and likely screw up worse.

2. Keep it fun. Regardless of whether you have your sights set on being the next NHL father or simply trying to make the team next year, you have to let the father-son experience remain fun. I've seen fathers at the professional level STILL yelling at their son on the ice. Those are the guys that you can really tell just don't have the drive anymore as the love for the game diminishes.

3. Let the Kid have a life outside of hockey. When it comes tme for training work him hard, but it is extremely important for the kid to hae some sort of life outside of the arena. Everyone needs an outlet to blow of steam and simply relax. If all they get to think about is hockey because you shove it down their throat, they will get sick of it and go crazy.

I love my father to death but I think he got it wrong as I was pushed to the max as a kid. So next time your kid gets out to the car with his head hanging just waiting for that post-game father lexture, Tell him he made you proud and turn up the tunes!

PLAY ON MY FELLOW PUCKERS

Nice ramble. I talk to my son about how he has played out the drivers side window of the car, while he's pushing it home after a lousy game. Maybe you and your pops didn't get it right, but we will. Minor pro leagues are crap anyway. Hanson brothers played there.

You're funny even at this time of night, good for you!

Thanks for the words of wisdom, agree 100%. My boy still plays, fortunately, cuz for the first few years, I did exactly what you say not to do, and it was ruining our relationship and probably his love of the game. Thankfully, I figured it out before it was too late, and for the past few years I've really just tried to build his confidence and let him lead the discussions. It used to be that he'd get in the car and turn up the radio or put on headphones so I couldn't give him all that great advice I had stored up during the game. Now I turn on the radio (not too loud), say good game, maybe mention one positive thing about his play, and let him take it from there, which he does willingly; even tells me things he thinks he could do better. Of course, I still goof up once in a while and say, oh, why didn't you do this or that, and I can instantly tell by his body language that I just overstepped it, so quickly back off. Now we have a great relationship - sometimes on tourney trips he'll just want to go with me for dinner and talk hockey instead of with the other guys, and I couldn't ask for more. All that to say, thanks again OP, and to the other hockey parents, I'll just add, let the great game of hockey be something that brings you and your kid together, not something that drives you apart. Happy Holidays!

Cool 12:46

Thanks to OP and kudos to 12:46 - nice posts.

Wow - two great posts - OP and 12.46 - who knows, maybe just maybe there are some over-enthusiastic parents reading this that will foster a better relationship with their kids because of your honesty. Thank you.

Thanks for that 12:46!

I've always tried to allow my son to love the game first, and generally tried to be positive. He is playing MM AAA now and it often is really tough not to try and give him pointers or a pep talk just before he leaves the car for a game. I've realized he is growing into a man and win or lose, good efoort or bad it is on him.

For the most part, I've done my job and now he has to take it and run with it or not. Either way I'm proud of him, and jealous he has had all these great memories. My parents were immigrants so we could not afford for me to play this great game when I was a kid. This is another reason I've learned to keep my mouth shut, he knows the game better than I do anyway!

The number one thing to remember is to foster his love in the game, the rest will take care of itself.

I don't hammer my kid with too much advice, but I do often initiate the discussion. As per the advice here, I'm gonna start to let it come from him - agree that's the way it should work. Good thoughts, and hopefully an early Christmas gift for all, or at least the basis of our New Year's resolutions! Thanks.

From time to time I do feel the sincerity from people on this forum. Let that continue.
Good posts all around.

Heartily agree, but don't get used to it - Christmas only comes once a year

My experience was exactly as 1246's. Once i let him dictate the conversation his skill accelerated greatly. It was hard at first and there were some silent rides but eventually he opened up. but being in bantam right now with minor midget around the corner I'm feeling the itch to talk more about his negative play after games. Thanks for your post, it helped me remember to stay the course and zip it.

8:56am here. There will be enough pressure next year for your son with all the draft talk from teamates, opponents and just seeing all the scouts at the tournaments and games.

Let your job be to allow him to stay the course and play the game. Whatever happens happens.

Good luck.

Sorry to say,I was an asshole in the car and regret it now and probably a long time to come.As crazy as the hockey world is,just enjoy taking your hockey player to games and practices with a smile on your face.May be hard at times but you can pull it off.

10:14 Well, at least your son does have a good example in someone who can step up as a man and admit that he was wrong. Thanks.

Some good advice people here.

unfortunately it takes most parents, especially fathers until bantam or MM to realize they are doing more harm than good. Try listening to some Atom/Mpw parents and you start to feel sorry for their kids - i can only imagine the rides home. Push to hard and it ends before you know it, enjoy the effort he is putting out, if he is a AA player have him play AA don't pay his way on to a AAA team, it does no one any good, especially not your son. Enjoy, it ends before you know it.

You're right 11:09 - I'll hardly ever get to see him when he's on the planes all the time in the Show A lot of welcome sanity on this thread, but I would add a bit different experience: my son tells me his goal is to get a scholarship. I tell him that the odds are stacked against it for anyone, and make sure he knows that it isn't my goal for him. However, I'll support him and let him find his way and make his decisions to experience success or failure on his own. No sense in killing dreams, as long as he gets realistic advice, as working hard toward a goal, even if the ultimate goal isn't achieved, is a great lesson in itself. So... if someone's son wants to take a shot in AAA, then let them, as long as it is affordable for the family, the parents are honest and realistic, and school always comes first. Just my two cents...

I must admit we have a quiet ride after a loss (dead silent after a bad loss) and a much livelier one after a win. I've learned to accept the silence, but we often talk about the game a day or two later when he's ready to listen. At this point (Bantam) I don't nit-pick about every little thing but he's still learning the game and I think it helps him to review what happened after the sting has gone. Most of the time we talk about his effort and overall team strategy & I think he enjoys it.
I remember asking him a few years ago if he could hear us yelling form the stands and he said "no, I'm focused on the game". I generally shut up after that.

Alot of great posts.The tone of the posts makes me realize how important a father can be.When you say things that you think,are only going to help your boy,we don't realize he already knows,or at least has an inkling he made some errors,and all we are doing is forcing him to relive them,and that never ends good.I would like to think I have done pretty well,but I know there were times,I should have just kept quiet about the game .and found some other topic or perhaps silence,which is not a bad thing from time to time.Best Holiday wishes to all the Minor Hockey families!!

Leave the coaching to the coach, encouragement is the parents job, do your part and if the coach does his part your son will learn and get better and enjoy himself.

I was once told that the only 2 things you should say to your kid after a game is
I love you and what do you want to drink.

Seriously, that's very good, very simple advice - no excuses not to be able to follow.

Less serious, maybe I should tell my wife that those are the only things she needs to say to me at the end of the day!

2.14
Lets not push it,cause it aint gonna happen with the wives.

True. Sad but true. Back to hockey!

I have a young boy playing novice AAA. We have a father on the team that blasts his kid in the room, in the car, in the lobbies... The poor boy broke down to my son and told him he wants to quit hockey because he knows no matter what he does, the old man will blast him... Trouble is, he's the best player on this team, and in our loop...

Eventually the kid will throw in the towel and the old man will blame the boy. Sad.

Get him to read these posts

Call Call Childrens Aid ... Its called abuse !


Why do people put up with seeing this crap just because its hockey ?

December 22 2011, 2:47 PM

I assume you are the coach. Step up and have a chat with the father. you don't need to tell him you know how he treats his boy. Tell him how you think the kid is the best player in the loop and that he is doing great. See what his response is. If he says that he's not doing well, advise him that he couldn't be doing better and pushing him to do so might want to make him quit.

me and my dad used to have one of those bad relationships all because of hockey, even in my first year after every game he would get mad. It really got so bad that i would ask him not to come anymore which only made him more mad. i tried to talk to him about not getting so mad and he would always say okay but then the next game it would start again. It really ruined our father and son relationship and at times tore apart the family. Luckily as i am in my minor midget year and am also much bigger then him he has stopped yelling and screaming and he has actually became very supportive which has made my game play ALOT better. It took a while for him to finally realize how he was making me hate hockey. One word of advice is to get your coach to say something to him, it really helped me

Thanks for sharing your experience 5:00

After a game last year, when we were arriving at a rink, I saw a parent throw his kid's hockey bag in the snow in the parking lot following a game, out of anger. Didn't really know what to do except disapprove, but I was dumbfounded - the kid must have been 10 or 11. Hopefully advice threads like this might help people like that think about it.

Just to let you guys know: my son had his final game before the break in the past couple of days, and I heeded the advice here: I let him talk about whatever he wanted. You were right: he brought up some game stuff, some related to his play, and other stuff that was related to the game in general. We also talked about things that were unrelated to both of these things.

Even though I'm not overly intense, this was still an improvement in the post-game ride home. Thanks sincerely for the advice. Some smart people on here who can share valuable experience, and I'm grateful.

Have a safe and happy holiday!

Let the coaches coach and leave the correction to them. Love you and a drink is your priority. We all think we know so much but we forget the most important lessons the game teaches.
Good sportsmanship. Competitiveness. And of course social skills.

its a competative sport
if you are all warm and fuzzy your kid will be soft
be firm but fair
tahts the bottom line or play houseleague

6:58, you don't get it. It is not your place to be firm, that's the coach's job. Your 'job' as a father is to support and love your child.

6:58 You shouldn't have to do anything. Your kid should be able to handle the competitiveness on his own without you interfering. If he can't then he most likely should play a lower level. Not everyone is mentally tough enough for the highest level. Having you on his case non stop is not fair. Accept your kid for what he is and leave him alone.

Imagine your boss being firm but fair with you every single day or your wife being firm but fair with you on your performance in the bedroom. Not very pleasant is it. You wouldn't want to wake up in the morning or go to bed at night.

well said.