Back one step

Return to Main Index


June 9 2006 at 10:52 PM
No score for this post
Suttholio  (Login Suttholio)
Religious Reffugee

Response to Existence of God

A fair swap: one version for another.
My personal, individual creation story:
Joy and discovery gave birth to dance which gave birth to the desire to be observer of the dance. The observer wanted to dance as well which gave birth to play. Sometimes the observer dances and sometimes the dancer observes. Sometimes they dance seperately sometimes together. Once in a while the observer would feel fear they could not dance as well as the dancer which gave rise to fear that the observer was less than the dancer and wars broke out between the two until the observer learned it was the the dancer experiencing being the observer and while occassionally it was again forgotten, it always came back to remembering and experiencing the original joy that gave birth to Creation.

I do not believe coming to the point of waking to be lots of work. And this absolutely has to do with ethics, which are based on our beliefs.
Here is why:
First awakening experience I had was as a teen. I was no longer caught up in the story of being daughter of______, subject to the experience of____, or carrying the wounds of growing up. I got a job at the youngest age possible and became completely self-sufficcient. When I experienced it (no drugs involved) I saw nothing in this world that interested me, nothing I truly wanted to be when I grew up. My attachment to the world and wordly goods was non-existant. I saw the hypocrisy of people, the limits, control, lack of being 'real' to eachother. When I experienced the awakening it was seeing everyone around me as distorted reflections of myself: like being in a funhouse with mirrors all reflecting aspects of me in a way not true to my intents or self-perception. It was horrifying, like being mocked. But with it I began to spontaneously levitate and could shapeshift just using my imagination. Scared the pants off a few people but thought it was funny, personally. I was a teen just having fun.
Then I married and had a kid and fell completely into that story. What is a mom? How do I be good one? I need help and guidence, answers, etc. Being spirituallyinclined and seeing counselors whose personal lives were nothing like what they guided others to become, I joined a religious group that believed they had them all, I got the first hug from a woman in my life and the promise of big brothers (something I had felt deprived of as a child). I became a very strong, faithful, dedicated fundamentalist. I lived in the world but was not OF the world. I came to a state of peace and complete self-sufficiency, except for religious beliefs. Once again I awakened but this time I perceived myself to be one of the 144,000, which was not supported by the belief system I was involved in: they believed all the 144,000 had already been called, were all very old or dead and definately not likely to be female. The knowing was too strong for me to continue to deny it, so I left the religion.
I then became wrapped in the story of a former member of the religious group, victimized by a cult, etc. I began to read "Science of the Meme" and cult recovery books, anything to deprogram myself from any and all beliefs. The waking that followed that, came with the knowing that I would never serve a god again, gods and goddeses were but creations of our imaginations initiated by our beliefs, but very real. I believed prayers were answered, and had experienced them being answered regardless of my religion at any given time. I believed prayers and belief in them did create healing, etc.
So, I submerged myself into the story of creator of my own experience and the beliefs that there are indeed many gods and goddesses and I had the sole authority and responsibility in determining how I would work with them. I was their equal, not less than. This led me quickly through the beliefs of Paganism which led me to the lightworker movement. I naturally began to experience all my psychic senses and the ability to affect my physical surroundings (what is it called when one can bend spoons, cause specific plants to grow, etc? I had and do have that ability) as well as spontaneous healing of my own body. I wondered why all Pagans and lightworkers did not manifest similar abilities despite being such vocal believers. I had someone's spirit guide use thier body to email me and ask what I knew because my insights were profound. This reinforced my knowing that just because something is non-physical does not mean it knows more than we do. I appreciated the lightworker movement's bringing attention to the existence of Indigo and Crystal children, but their guidence in reference to them made me sick. I found those in the lightworker movement were just as controlling about what is light as anyone else with their fears of what is dark or wrong. They limit, define, and restrict even things which need expressing for one to be healthy and whole. The lightworker movement led me via a mysterious, out-of-the blue reference to one group that believed "You are God Also". I immersed myself in it.
Next waking was gentler to match my perception of the world. This is when I felt the profound loneliness, knew why mankind would continue to exist and understood what it means that man is the "new creation", why those we consider psychos who claim to be god and kill, are actually correct. Because they lacked compassion for and a sense of sanctity for life, they see no wrong in what they do: difference in effect of waking being ethics, beliefs. In their view, they're just god playing with themselves.
I began to be able to extend via mere presence and touch my body's natural knowing of how to heal as well as the energy to do it with. I awed people by what they believed was me healing them (actually they were healing themselves, but their beliefs couldn't allow for it).I could heal via email. I could channel while fully conscious, present, and aware of what was taking place. People would call to me and I would be there, telepathically teaching, guiding and comforting them any time day or night. Truly I was god to them. I became very uncomfortable with people lowering themselves before me and gazing up at me in very needy, adoring ways. I know they are equal to me and refused to place myself above them, so I basically seclude myself and guide only those I know with an inner knowing are self-motivated and will not come to rely on me, look up to me.
When I came back from that awakening I wondered why I bothered to continue to exist as a human at all. What's the point? Is that not the be all and end all of experience mankind seeks? Don't Babaji's spend decades in meditation just to get here? Don't they say it requires the complete surpression/killing of the ego? Yet, here I am, ego intact and all, definately not a meditator (I even view meditation as an addictive crutch if persuing it too often, though definately a step in the right direction for one beggining to try to reach their true inner selves). I asked to exist each day in the state of knowing just who and what I am. This request was answered. I wake most days with the eagerness of a child and new knowings, understandings of things.
I came into contact synchronistically, serendipiduously, with a Druid who was my twin flame. Because of the group I was being taught by, I knew my spiritual progression did not depend upon a twin flame, it's just a game we chose to play and increase our chances of awakening. Sometimes they have agreed to hold certain keys for eachother, but we do not need them to acces these keys (further experience with him, made clear to me why) I did not have to continue with this person and because I had that self-confidence, I mostly observed this experience as it occured in me. This one is one of the world's top psychics and is the personal psychic of the most famous people in the world. He said he'd never met such an accurate psychic before in his life and he would reccomend me to anyone. He wanted to hook me up so I'd never have to worry about money again. Unfortunately, a distorted ego and some very strong beliefs caused him to leave me hanging on that promise, I threatened his perception of being above everyone else and his ability to maintain clientel. He began to attempt to emotionally manipulate me and abuse me. I had no tolerence for it nor did I have any tolerence for the ethics of being a psychic. I believe they are detrimental to the psychic as well as those who go to them for guidence, become dependent upon them. Under the guise of being protective and only wanting to help, they are psychic voyeurists, energetic vampires, and violate private space without getting permission. Their predictions are believed and thereby created by the person they make them for and thusly made true (self-fulfilling prophesy and group fulfilling prophesy). Our fates are dependent upon our beliefs and choices, we absolutely have the power to change any prediction made about us as well as our world. They read people who don't ask for it, call eachother to read their loved ones and clients without consent. Like a nest of serpents, they twist themselves within creation, whispering words of great influence to the unawares. John Edwards, so far, is the only one I feel remotely comfortable being in the presence of because he encourages each person to become more sensative themselves, though such reliance on dead loved ones for healing of emotional wounds and self approval is not the highest of insight we can gain. If our dead loved one still only perceives themselves as their lifetime identity, they are of near-earth existence, dense, lower vibrating energy. A definate step in the right direction, but not the be-all, end-all of spirituality.
I chose to rise above any psychic abilities (which I believe are inherent in us all, just another sense, but a lower sense). All matter is made up of energy, the faster it vibrates, the less solid or dense it becomes, the more space between particles, the more made of 'light' one becomes. This is what is known as ascension, being of a higher vibration. The higher the vibration, the less one uses senses associated with more density. When one ascends, exists in a higher vibration, they just know, they feel the nature of things for what they are. They can work-multidimensionally but without lowering their vibration and thereby clouding their senses.
Another reason I chose to maintain a 'higher vibration' is so I could maintain my right to self-determination. Existing in the psychic levels, if one thinks of you, your awareness is automatically drawn to them. In one case, a man wanted me, his girlfriend wanted to be the one woman he truly loved. This strong desire in both drew my awareness into her body so I was actually seeing through her eyes while they were engaged in sex. I was home sitting at my computer seeing both what she was seeing as well as my physical surroundings and an overall picture of them in theirs. He knew I was there, she did not. All she knew was that she had had the experience of her life and the melding with me caused an increase in her consciousness. He said she just glowed from then on. Without my permission my energy was taken, as was my awareness. I did not want to be subject to other people's desires and chose not to influence theirs. I took the stand of non-interference unless invited, and even then, I use discernment in who I answer.
Another knowing and experience I came to was how exactly angels, devils, sprites, fairies, gnomes, etc come to be. Before mankind came to understand how children were made, it apeared they were just a side result of man and woman coming together. This is how these enitites come to be. Groups of people come together and non-physical entities are the side result. Our beliefs and energetic vibration create them. If we believe a savior will come, our belief coupled with that of others will create a non-souled entity in human form to fulfill that belief. The Jews created Hitler. The Christians who believe in a physical Jesus coming will create it for themselves. That is why the rest of the world will be impacted in only a limited way by such a savior. They will create the anti-christ if they believe him to absolutely be coming as a human being. Just as the Branch Davidians created their own Armaggedon, Christian groups will gradually each create their own if they believe it to be coming.
Another, most recent knowing and experience I came with was how exactly our children are a part of us. I understand how if one awakens with a belief in the old testament as God's word, they will kill any part of them, any child, they believe is a menace to society. It is their responsibility to do so, and they aren't nuts: just caught up in the perceptions of a belief system, of ethics, at the time of awakening.
I know one young man whose issue upon awakening was the freedom to touch whom he pleased, when he pleased. He is, after all, just touching himself, why can he not just clasp a hand or shoulder, look into anyone's eyes and KNOW them? This conflicted with society's mandates about manners, etc. Because he did hold a code of ethics, he restrained himself, to his own frustration no less, but honored the wishes of others.
So, why do I stay? Why do I exist in this seemingly challenging and conflicting state of knowing who and what I am as well as being just a human being? For the fun of it, absolutely. Love being a woman, love nurturing children, love sharing myself with people. But in doing so, I also have the ability to affect the awakening of mankind, to ease it for those open to it as well as protect those that would be harmed by those without sound ethics or twisted beliefs about god and themselves awakening within the perceptions of that belief system. Is it a "divine mission" to me? No. I do not go around spouting off to absolutely everyone and anyone. My neighbors who live close to me have no idea what I am or what I am capable of. One thinks me just very perceptive. Another sees me as a bit of a guide who allows occasional questions. Some think I'm just a bit wacky and others as amazingly coherent, reasonable and logical. I function just fine in this world, yet not of it. My personal policy of non-interference prevents me from intentionally affecting my environment and the people around me. Though, any area I settle in, the plant life will flourish, even if the state is experiencing a drought. My energies do affect a good sized radius, so things do get shaken up in the towns in which I dwell. Structures of higherarchy rearrange themselves in any group I frequent. I can slow down or speed up my own experience of time. I can sleep through the A+B and only experience the C, when most people must survive the A+B+C. People are drawn to me or repelled by me. I can bi-locate, but my body expresses a fear of translocating (disapearing from one location and apearing in another), so we haven't tried that one yet. While I was called a horsewhisperer when I was young and when going through the psychic phase I could hear and speak with animals, I no longer try to influence them or interact with them on those levels. They do flourish in my care and keeping, but I do not get intimate with them. I have been asked to bless flocks and energetically clean homes, but know that the root cause for any illness is within the person existing in the environment and unless that is addressed, anything I do will be undone. That is why I encourage self-knowledge and understanding rather than any band-aid healing or magical solving of any problems. I know we are not our past lives and any dysfunction from them does not have to exist, nor do we need to play with them to heal ourselves and know oursleves.
So, there you have it as you will it: the hermit psycho who happened into the forum (though I am a veteren of this one), or someone who does indeed know who we are and why we are here. I know what we experience before and in between awakenings are just stories, illusions with very real effects upon us and creation, that everything is just energy and therefore completely within our control (health, experiences, circumstances, etc) and thus, our responsibility. Some just don't want that responsibility. That's just fine with me, but I am in no way obligated to save anyone from themselves. That would be a violation of their free will and a relinquishing of my sovereignty.
Woman in the wilderness of Revelation: Goddess, her children the Pagans, the ‘others’ written about by Oberon Zell (?), of Lilith fame, where Cain got his wife. Having so thoroughly interbred with Adamic man, they are one. Son or daughter of Adamic DNA can have active Pagan DNA, and vice versa. From one group come new souls (Pagans), from the other, the non-souled who by associating with souled gain qualities, though not capabilities of the souled (They are the portals or channels for non-physical entities, aka most usually "possessed" by one of them for the purpose of experiencing human form or feeding off negative energy of fear of humans). With Revelation of, waking up of, mankind to it’s true nature all have full DNA activated, become souled, if survive.
The “New Creation”: Baby soul born with this body absorbs and grows alongside the existence of God within each of us, along with any experiences we perceive as past life, alternate, anything other than this individual human. Because of the melding, being at one with, these other consciousnesses, the new soul becomes what they are in addition to it’s original, individual self. Once mature and having been initiated and experienced in the various levels, this soul is given divine rights, becomes god or goddess (though at that point, pretty much without limit to gender specific interests or activities). The body and experience of this human consciousness is not limited by or controlled in any way by physical laws, whether they be gravity, Earthly laws or Universal laws (horoscopes, birth signs, planetary movement, etc). The body can be let go of at any time, at which point it dies, but the consciousness continues to exist. To go along with this new creation is a new earth in which gods and goddesses can manifest a body of any form at will. We can live forever on a paradise Earth in our present human form or we can play with it, changing it, creating new ones, be in different dimensions, on other planets, etc. Complete freedom as individual sovereign entities.

From the God and Goddes, Angels, me as an individual and all close to us in non-physical after the sharing of this story elsewhere:
Do you think I do not feel you? The proverbial knashing of the teeth. The desire to destroy what one was just exposed to. The sighs of relief. The tears of release. The inner turmoil reverberating out from within each and every one like a sea at storm. The Mother with tears rolling down her cheeks, arms spread wide, empathizing and inviting "My children!". The angels all gathering "Hold tight! Be strong!" Every emotion and reaction passing through me like waves. Energy freed up, passing forth, causing waves of orgasm. Chills as the energy subsides........knowing it will occur over and over again until the last one is freed.

Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts.Respond to this message   

  1. CREATION IMAGIANTION OF GOD - dattaswami on Jun 9, 2006, 11:42 PM
    1. Re: CREATION IMAGIANTION OF GOD - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 12:11 AM
      1. Is spiritual journey full of joy? - dattaswami on Jun 10, 2006, 2:41 AM
        1. I know you - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 4:31 AM
          1. And here you are again, Anil - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 4:42 AM
            1. Truly enjoying that last link! - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 4:49 AM
            2. re; - dattaswami on Jun 10, 2006, 5:08 AM
              1. Thank you! - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 5:16 AM
        2. On families - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 4:57 AM
          1. The Father & Jesus - dattaswami on Jun 10, 2006, 7:15 AM
            1. Jesus did have an earthly father - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 12:56 PM
              1. RE; - dattaswami on Jun 10, 2006, 1:00 PM
                1. I agree - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 1:21 PM
    2. On sacrifice - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 5:03 AM
      1. Family Bond-Responsibility To Family-Bond With God - dattaswami on Jun 10, 2006, 5:10 AM
        1. Another thank you - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 5:22 AM
  2. re; - dattaswami on Jun 10, 2006, 5:27 AM
    1. There are no tests, no devotees - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 1:33 PM
      1. re; - dattaswami on Jun 10, 2006, 7:54 PM
        1. This is what I DO know - Suttholio on Jun 11, 2006, 12:54 AM
    2. On Judas - Suttholio on Jun 10, 2006, 1:59 PM
      1. Betrayal of Judas - dattaswami on Jun 10, 2006, 7:58 PM
        1. Again you limit - Suttholio on Jun 11, 2006, 12:57 AM
          1. veda as reference - dattaswami on Jun 11, 2006, 5:23 AM
Find more forums on Religion and PhilosophyCreate your own forum at Network54
 Copyright © 1999-2016 Network54. All rights reserved.   Terms of Use   Privacy Statement