Pre-Class Rules: Please do not post until you see the word QUESTIONS posted. Please don't chat during class. Please stop posting question when you see CLASS.

Welcome to After the First Draft, Class # 3.

A few opening notes:

After spending time in chat with people who were starting their very first round of rewrites, I realized that it wouldn't hurt to reiterate what I feel is the most important part of the editing process.

The worst problem with editing, in my opinion, is the attitude many writers take going into it. Starting the edit of a piece with the feeling that you hate the idea of editing, that the manuscript is horrible, that you've told the story, why do it again... all of those things will only make it more difficult.

For some reason, writers have been led to believe that they should dread and hate this part of the work. That's another part of the ridiculous angst-filled mythology of being a writer. Editing is far easier than plotting and writing the entire piece, and it gets easier the more often you do it.

Part of the problem is, of course, the feeling that the writer will never get it right. Or they'll overlook some stupid mistake and people will laugh at them. Or, the worst of all fears, they'll never make the story good enough for publication.

But if you are going to succumb to this angst, you'll never get anywhere as a writer. You cannot be published without having to deal with rewrites. Once you learn to accept them, and make this a regular part of writing, you'll have a lot more fun with it.

And as long as you have fun, you will continue to be inspired to write more and to submit more material. The harder you make any part of writing, including rewrites, the less likely you are to actively seek inspiration.

And now on to the next steps in the process of beating that story into shape.

Step 10 -- Rewrite Tricks

Here is a trick to help you make it through rewrites. Give yourself daily (or weekly) goals just like word counts. It can be in X number of pages have to be read/edited. Or X number of pages equals X number of new words.

Some people set this up on a straight count -- 10 pages of editing equals 100 new words, for instance. Others do it as a time factor -- if it takes them two hours to write 1000 words, then they will count two hours of editing as 1000 words.

However, it's far easier to waste part of the time, relax, not take it seriously and say you worked for two hours. I feel using the 'pages equals words' is a far better combination because it doesn't allow for much backsliding.

One of the most frightening things a new writer will face is the first time they receive rewrite instructions from an editor. If you have already made rewriting and editing a part of your regular work, you'll have far less trouble than those who haven't.

One more trick -- read your material aloud. The mind will gloss over problem spots where the tongue sometimes stumbles. Make your words flow, even if it means sometimes 'ruining' a wonderful peace of prose.

QUESTIONS

Ari and Robert-- Thank you for the attitude comments! Zette, for me it was a matter that a lot of my rewrites came out worse than the rough.
Ari and Robert-- If I had the skill to *count* on it being better in the next draft, every time, it would be fun like you said.
Catherine/splodge-- with me, I think I just get discouraged rewriting material that is bad
@Zette-- Robert, you keep saying that -- but I think you're using it as a shield against just getting in and doing the rewrites.
Julia-- I must be doing something right -- I read aloud as I go sometimes (grin)
Gayle-- personally I'm finding editing/rewriting exciting as I catch all my 'common' words
Steven-- do you find that a lot of people change things just to say they "rewrote" because they think they have to change _something_ (even if it isn't necessary in that spot)?
@Zette-- I always know there's a story in there, Catherine. I just work hard to find it.
Ari and Robert-- Actually, I think I'm overcoming it because sometimes it does go well. I'm facing the fear by admitting that - since I am better at it than I used to be.
@Zette-- Yes, Steven, I have seen that.
Catherine/splodge-- I think I'm a bit bogged down at the moment, so I've had a few days break and am going back to it tonight
@Zette-- And I see it especially with critiques even more than rewrites.
Emily-- If you're rereading a part and it makes you wince, what's the best way to handle that? Skip forward and go back to it later? Delete that part and try writing it again from scratch?
Ari and Robert-- So when I say "this is a fear" I'm also saying "this is only a fear, I can get over it. It's not fact."
Steven-- so i guess sometimes you just have to trust your instincts and say "no, this part is fine. leave it alone."
@Zette-- Find out what made you wince. The story? The wording? You can change both of those.
@Zette-- Exactly, Steven.
Ari and Robert-- You think sometimes people suggest changes in critiques just because they ought to make a suggestion?
@Zette-- Yes, I've seen that happen.
@Zette-- But we're going to cover rewrites and critiques in another class. Let's get on with this one.
Gayle-- I'm finding that the parts that I'm cutting are unnecessary backstory that got wordy
Steven-- ok
@Zette-- The next section is going to be long. That's a warning.

CLASS

So, now we'll move on to the next phase of the rewriting work. In the first class we discussed the first reading and finding the big problems. In the second class we dealt with how to shore up some of those sagging plot lines, how to add subplots, etc.

Now -- Print and line editing

Okay, we are finally down to the harder parts. You've done all of the major, huge fixes. Now you need to start working on the smaller bits. This is where I usually print out a copy of the story and sit down with a nice red pen and start doing the dreaded line edits.

Step 11 -- Nitpicking # 1.

This part is easier to do on paper because you can instantly see changes as you flip back through the work. Having changed something like a name, you can easily find the alteration. It also allows you to easily change your mind a few pages down the line.

If you are doing the edits on computer I strongly suggest you either make the changes in another color or, even better, use something like Microsoft Word's Track Changes feature. This tool will mark out the old version rather than delete it, and write in the new. Then, when you're done, you can view each change and agree or disagree with it.

Now, what sort of changes should you look for? The most common are grammar and punctuation problems, of course. If you have trouble with those two subjects, I suggest you pick up Grammatically Correct, by Anne Stilman (ISBN 0-89879-776-4). It's a Writer's Digest book and you can find it at most big bookstores.

If you are unsure about some point of grammar, try posting a question about it at the Forward Motion Writing Questions and Answers board. http://www.network54.com/Hide/Forum/68955 This is a very good spot to get answers.

I'm not going to try to teach either of these subjects. They give me far too much trouble to pretend to be an expert. Just be aware of them. Here are, however, a few items you can keep your eyes on (all cribbed from Grammatically Correct):

The use of 'a or an' with abbreviations -- All caps abbreviations can be either read as an acronym or as individual letters. The acronym is easy -- you can read the word -- NATO, for instance -- and know that it will be "I am going to a NATO meeting."

However what about NBC? You see a consonant (N) and think it should start with the article 'a,' right? No. In the case of abbreviations read as individual letters, if the opening letter starts with a vowel sound, then it uses 'an.' NBC sounds liked En Bee Cee. So you would write "I am going to an NBC meeting."

Pluralizing numbers and letters -- Use an apostrophe to indicate plurals if there is a chance that not using one will cause confusion. Write 'To put the program into 'insert' mode, type two I's.' Otherwise it will look like the word 'Is' at the end of the line.

In other cases where it's not a problem, but be consistent. Both "The school is strong on the three R's" and "The School is strong on the three Rs" are correct.

Plurals and sibilants -- In most cases when writing possessives of nouns ending in 's' or other sibilant sound (ce, x, z) or a silent 's' it is proper to form the possessive of the singular just like any other, but for the plural, add an 'es.'

The box's contents for singular, the boxes' contents for plural.

However, if it sounds awkward to have two 's' next to each other, you may drop the second one. Rather than writing 'Dickens's novels' you can write 'Dickens' novels.

There are dozens of these little things that can trip a writer up. Sometimes you won't even know until someone points out a problem. Read a book like Grammatically Correct and then do your best to catch all you can.

QUESTIONS

Ari and Robert-- How about Strunk and White "Elements of Style" - since I own that one.
Catherine/splodge-- I have that too.
Gayle-- or the handbook of good English?
@Zette-- That's a good one, but I find it better for nonfiction than fiction writing. But it is always good to read. I've read a lot of them. Grammatically Correct was the best of the group.
@Zette-- I could actually read that book and enjoy it. I'd never enjoyed a grammar book before.
Steven-- cool
Ari and Robert-- Coool
Catherine/splodge--
Steven-- I enjoy grammar books. but then, I'm weird. That's normal here, right?
Julia-- _The Transitive Vampire_ is enjoyable, too... (grin)
@Zette-- Handbooks are good, too -- but they are not enjoyable to read. This one was.
@Zette-- I didn't like The Transitive Vampire nearly as well.
Julia-- I'll have to get Grammatically Correct, then. Sounds like fun!
Catherine/splodge-- If you think that's weird, what about my husband? He enjoys reading the dictionary
@Zette-- But that may have just been my mood. There is nothing outstanding about this book. It just taught well, and wasn't too heavy in it.
@Zette-- Oh, you don't know what Russ and I read. (grin)
Steven-- gee, such a compliment.
BarGnat Mary-- .
Julia-- weirdness is a gift, Steven (grin)
@Zette-- Let's just say that we have two sets of Britannica's Great Books...
@Zette-- There. It froze up on me for a moment.
Ari and Robert-- Ooh cool. I used to own that, many long years ago... so much fun.
@Zette-- Okay, on to more stuff....

CLASS

Step # 11 -- The Dreaded Passive Voice

Don't worry. This is going to be very short.

I'm not going to try to teach you everything about passive versus active voice, which is something that quite often catches me. I do know to watch out for it. And as 'stupid' as Word's Grammar checker can be, it is sometimes a good way to find passive voice.

Having a program catch it for you will help you start recognizing the problem yourself. Much like spellcheckers can teach the writer spelling through repetition of the same correction, the same is true with the Grammar Checker. The tool just has to be used cautiously.

Here is another example out of Grammatically Correct. In active voice the subject is the doer -- Bob caught the Frisbee in his teeth. The subject here is Bob. Bob is actively doing something.

However, if we change the sentence -- The Frisbee was caught in Bob's teeth -- the subject becomes the Frisbee, and the person doing the action is no longer the focus. This is passive. The Frisbee is not actively doing anything.

Active voice is usually the better voice to use, especially in fiction writing. It creates stronger images, and moves the story forward with more precision. It tightens the writing as well.

However, I still have a horrible problem with this one. Holly has threatened to remove the letters W*A*S from my computer. I have begun doing a word search for 'was' (which is not the only passive construction, but a primary one) and seeing how many of those sentences I can rework.

QUESTIONS

Yvonne-- Should you try to get rid of 'all' passive voice?
Steven-- That's true that passive voice is not encouraged, but there are places where it is useful.
Steven-- No.
Ari and Robert-- I agree, Word is great for catching passive voice. I use it for that and decide per sentence on that and long sentences.
@Zette-- No. Sometimes it can be useful.
Ari and Robert-- What I also noticed is that people who are waffling will write or speak in passive voice.
Steven-- the thing about English is that all the rules have exceptions, and this isn't any different.
@Zette-- But I am blind to 'was' constructions. I use them all the time. I've found pieces with 'was' four or five times in one paragraph -- and I had never noticed.
BarGnat Mary-- Sometimes, passive voice works well for comedic stuff. e.g., The Frisbee was caught in Bob's teeth
Gayle-- sometimes the only word to use is W*A*S ...after attempting to rewrite the sentence over and over again without it
Ari and Robert-- Corporate excuses were presented in a timely passion using passive voice to defer responsibility from the speaker, hopefully forever.
Catherine/splodge-- that's because passive voice sentences are longer, Robert
BarGnat Mary-- If you follow that passive sentence with "and he had one helluva time getting it unstuck:
Gayle-- that's my problem word too zette
Julia-- lol
@Zette-- Exactly, Gayle. I look at a sentence, and give it a very short time to sort itself into something else. If it doesn't, I'm fairly certain nothing simple will come out of a change.
Julia-- .
Gayle-- also learning about other words for 'look' and 'walk'
@Zette-- I just rewrote an entire novelette for Fiction Inferno, only days before it is due to go up, because I looked at the copy page he sent me and couldn't stand it.
Steven-- I find that 90% of the time, when I used passive, I should have used active. but there's always that 10%
Steven-- your percentages may change depending on how prone you are to passiveness.
@Zette-- That's true, Steven.
Catherine/splodge-- Of course, "the Frisbee was caught in Bob's teeth" can also be an active construction
Ari and Robert-- Yes. Sometimes very spooky suspense passages can benefit from passive voice.
Catherine/splodge-- if you are looking for the Frisbee
Ari and Robert-- Especially if a couple of atmosphere sentences are broken up with "Bob shot Jim." Or something that short, violent and simple.
@Zette-- Sometimes you just have to know what you're writing and carefully check it over. I'm lousy at this, but I'm starting to catch on.
BarGnat Mary-- I just had this mental vision of poor ol' Bob when she posted that example. G--
Steven-- me too
@Zette-- Hey, that was straight out of Grammatically Correct. It's part of what makes it fun.
@Zette-- Okay, off we go!
BarGnat Mary-- lol

CLASS

Step 12 -- Repetition

The one thing that I strongly recommend you do is look for repetition in your work. There are two things that will bore a reader very quickly -- repeating the same words and phrases, and using the same pattern of sentences over and over again. (grin)

First let's look at repeating words. A very common problem is in repeating a pronoun: She went to the store where she picked up the bread. Then she came home where she cooked dinner. She was very tired when the monster came to the door.

That's 'she' five times in three sentences. And yes, I have seen material like this. It's rather obvious in this set, but it still points out the problem. It's very easy to overlook the use of pronouns and names.

Marisa hurried to the store where she picked up bread for dinner. The meal took too long to cook, and she felt tired and irritated when she opened the door and found a monster staring back at her.

You might also find yourself including unnecessary words as your mind flitters around description, trying to find the right one. That doesn't hurt in a first draft. But now is the time to hone those words into the images that you really wanted.

Use a thesaurus, either in book or computer form. These books are great inventions, and can often get you through a 'stuck' spot before you begin tearing your hair out trying to think of just the right word.

Also look at the places where you use several words of description to make certain that they are all needed. Or perhaps now, standing back a bit from the writing, you can see better words. In general, it is better to contract sentences to make them stronger:

The cats sat without a single movement, and made no sound at all, on top of the dry, dusty shelf.

The cats sat still and quiet atop the dry, dusty shelf.

A different sort of repetition comes in the pattern of sentences. This one often induces a sort of singsong quality to the writing.

On the third day we climbed the lovely, towering mountain. By sunset we found the placid, cool stream and there we camped among the sweet, tall pines.

You'll notice a pattern there. Read a few pages of that and you'll be going to sleep early. This not only points out the trouble with the arrangement of sounds, it shows another of my most troublesome problems. I tend to describe everything in pairs.

On the third day we climbed the towering mountain. At sunset we camped by the placid stream among the sweet, tall pines.

Break up the length of sentences. Use occasional fragments for emphasis. Be aware of descriptive words that you might use too often, and don’t be afraid of a thesaurus.

Another useful book to help expand the words and description is Random House's Word Menu, edited by Stephan Glazier (ISBN 0-679-40030-3). This lists out words, usually with short descriptions, in related sets.

For instance, under Nature is a listing for The Human Body, and subsection of it is Physical Appearance. This is broken down into even more categories like Aspects and Components of Appearance, Physical Attributes, Small/Large, etc.

Each of these sections has several entries, and Small/Large is even further broken down into groups of Small, Short, or Thin and Large, Tall or Fat. It also includes a 'See Also' listing which includes Anatomy -- Hair and Grooming, Personality and Behavior, and even Insults, Slurs and Epithets.

Nor is this book limited to nature. Under Domestic Life is a section on The Home that includes buildings, exterior structure, interior structure, furnishings, and more.

Under Nature/The Earth/Weather and Natural Phenomena/Weather Conditions we find Clear Weather (azure; blue skies; clear; cloudless; fair; high visibility; shiny, sunny, sunshine), Wet Weather (deluge; downpour; drizzle; freezing rain, inclement; etc.) and much more.

On the same page is Forecasting and Meteorology, with several listings and definitions. Air pressure -- weight of air pushing down on Earth's surface. Anemometer -- instrument for determining wind speed.

A book that is something like a thesaurus and word menu in one is the Writer's Digest Flip Dictionary, edited by Barbara Ann Kipfer, Ph. D. (ISBN 0-89879-976-7). While not as extensive as Word Menu in some areas, it is a handy book when you have a specific word you want to replace.

QUESTIONS

Steven-- AKA Department of Redundancy Department
Ari and Robert-- Cool! There's something like that I watch for in crits and rewrites. My big thing is "the."
Catherine/splodge-- zette - can you post a bibliography along with the transcript?
Ari and Robert-- If I can replace "the" with "his" or "Jane's" or something like that, I do.
@Zette-- These will be in the transcript, but I'll pull them and put them at the bottom. If I don't, remind me.
Julia-- "and" is my downfall...
Catherine/splodge-- LOL
Steven-- I also try to avoid the monotony of using the same name to refer to the character endlessly.
@Zette-- Ah, there it goes! Froze on me again!
Gayle-- was, look, walk are my biggies
Catherine/splodge-- I have problems keeping characters of the same sex straight
Steven-- Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. arrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
@Zette-- The trick isn't always to replace, but to make sure that you have a good balance of the pronoun/name/descriptive tag.
Steven-- Jim Miller, Jim, Miller, etc.
Catherine/splodge-- I mean LOL! Keeping track of them
Ari and Robert-- The hair stood up crooked and untidy on Bob's head. Bob's hair stood crookedly.
Emily-- But you can fall into a trap with that, too--the readers can start getting confused about whether "Satomi" and "the shrine maiden" and "the high school student" are all the same person.
Gayle-- oh you mean she was thinking of her...when you don't say what she and what her Catherine?
Julia-- (please see Russian authors for examples of such confusion...)
Catherine/splodge-- By the way - can I recommend http://www.thesaurus.com
Emily-- "He was his father."
Steven-- Yes, Emily. You can go too far with it. I try to keep some part of the actual name in the description.
Catherine/splodge-- a very good site
@Zette-- Yes, that's why you have to be careful with it, Emily. You have to make certain that the descriptive tags are very firmly in place before you use them alone.
Catherine/splodge-- yep, Gayle
Steven-- as much as possible anyway
@Zette-- Oh yes. I like on line places like that, especially since I have a cable modem.
Emily-- Names become transparent to me when I'm reading. "The" and "And," too. If I have problems with those, it's usually more a problem with repeated sentence structure that repeated words.
@Zette-- This can be a really tough area to get right. But worse yet, I see it ignored by many writers -- even some who should know better by now.
Ari and Robert-- If I repeat a character's name more often, he becomes more memorable though. Right?
Catherine/splodge-- the associated site http://www.dictionary.com is good, too. They have multiple dictionaries, different ages, etymological, etc. Very cool
@Zette-- Not always. I think actions speak louder than names, so to speak.
Ari and Robert-- It's like I'm looking for specifics. Galiera picked up the spellbook. Galiera picked up Anton's spellbook.
@Zette-- I can repeat the name of a character throughout a book, but if that character really doesn't do something, he's not going to be as memorable as the guy in the first paragraph who jumped in front of a car.
Ari and Robert-- Right. Got ya.
Ari and Robert-- So maybe it works best to use the name with the grabby car dive. That way later we remember who Dave was.
@Zette-- Julia -- on the Russian authors, sometimes it's just the translation. Unfortunately the languages are not laid out the same way, and that can make a real mess.
Julia-- my classmates and I got looooost for a while in _Crime and Punishment_. Just my editorial comment.
@Zette-- I understand Julia. Though I liked Crime and Punishment. But then, I'm crazed.
Emily-- It's the same in classical Japanese, where sometimes an author will refer to "that person" for several pages without mentioning his name.
Julia-- I liked it once I figured out that these three names all = the same guy
@Zette-- LOL!
@Zette-- Okay. Only one more main section to cover, and then we'll discuss any problems you guys have with your manuscripts.
Ari and Robert-- Zette, if I am dealing with a nameless sorcerer or bad guy, who's deliberately dodging name magic, are dramatic events enough to distinguish him?
Emily-- Or "the thing that was supposed to happen did not happen for several months, and when the princess realized what had happened, she started to cry."
Catherine/splodge-- isn't that because the Russians have standard nicknames and patronymics?
Steven-- Robert, most people like that have some sort of "use name"
Emily-- It's important to make sure it's clear what's going on.
Julia-- Catherine: I think so
@Zette-- Events? No. Description. People will have to have some tag that can be used as a name. The Grey Mage, for instance.
Ari and Robert-- Well, one of them was The Nameless.
@Zette-- We name things. We can't identify with anything unless we can name it.
@Zette-- That works.
Steven-- that's a tag
@Zette-- Okay, on to the next section!

CLASS

Step 13 -- Talking heads

Following is a long stretch of story that I'm going to use to illustrate the problems with talking heads:

Marisa, Edward and Tom sat in the living room, watching television, until she got bored. Nothing else moved in the house. Nothing else seemed to breath. Even the world outside had gone silent after the pre-dawn noise of a thousand birds.

"I want to go for a walk in the woods."

"No, that's not a good idea today."

"Why not?"

"Tell her why not, Tom."

"No, you tell her."

"Not me! It wasn't my idea!"

"Someone tell me what's going on!"

"Okay. You can't go to the woods because we're going to have company."

"Then I really want to go! I don't want to see anyone! Are you both crazy? You know I hate company!"

First drafts are often rife with talking heads of this sort. In a case like this, where there are three people in the scene, it can get downright confusing. Who wants to go for a walk in the woods? And who finally told that person that they expected company, anyway?

The trick here is to get the feel of what you want to convey in the scene. Silliness? Anxiousness? A few descriptive lines can completely change this scene.

"I want to go to for a walk in the woods," Marisa said. She stood, crossing to the window and looking at the distant trees.

"No, that's not a good idea today," Edward said softly, as though afraid of her reaction.

She didn't look back at him. The allure of the trees held her too well. "Why not?"

Marisa could hear movement behind her, and smiled at the thought of her two brothers trying to decide what to say to her, and who should have the honor. Marisa knew her temper got the better of her sometimes. And she knew they had reason to fear it.

"Tell her why not, Tom."

"No, you tell her."

"Not me! It wasn't my idea!"

Enough. She turned back to them, and they fell silent and still, two sixteen year old twins looking at her with the same dread mirrored in their faces. For the first time she felt worry start to edge around amusement. "Someone tell me what's going on!"

"Okay," Edward said. He looked up at her and didn't flinch from her look. "You can't go to the woods because we're going to have company."

"Then I really want to go! I don't want to see anyone!" Her hand instinctively moved to the scars on the side of her face. "Are you both crazy? You know I hate company!"

I could easily redo the same lines and make them silly. The trick with long stretches of dialogue is to make certain you have just enough descriptive narrative in them to keep track of everyone and to give the flavor of emotion.

Too much narrative can kill the flow of a fast moving discussion. Too little and you not only risk losing the emotion, but also the tags telling us who is saying which line.

There is no set rule. Each story, and each piece of the story, will require its own arrangements. Look at all your dialogue and decide how best to present it.

One more note on dialogue. I'm going to give you some examples of correct punctuation for writing dialogue. Please note that this is American Standard. If you are going to submit to the American publishers, you need to know how to best present your manuscripts.

1 -- "She went out before noon," Tom said, looking at the clock. "I'm afraid she won't come back this time."

2 -- "She went out before noon," Tom whispered, looking at the clock. "I'm afraid she won't come back this time."

3 -- "She went out before noon." Tom looked at the clock and shook his head with worry. "I'm afraid she won't come back this time."

Please note that in one and two, I placed a comma between noon and Tom, but in three there I used a period. The first two sentences use dialogue tags -- Tom said, Tom whispered. However, in the third I used an action to break up the two parts of the dialogue -- Tom looked.

There are two other ways you might write this sentence:

"She went out before noon!" Tom said, looking at the clock. "I'm afraid she won't come back this time."

"She went out before noon?" Tom said, looking at the clock. "I'm afraid she won't come back this time."

In these cases, where you are using an exclamation point or a question mark, you do not also use a comma. Commas only take the place of periods in this type of construction.

QUESTIONS

@Zette-- Ah! One more section after this.
Ari and Robert-- Thanks for that fine point, Zette! I've avoided question marks and exclamation points in that structure. G--
@Zette-- Just one of those things that is often overlooked, and is easy to figure out once you realize it.
Steven-- yep
@Zette-- I suspect most of you know this stuff and won't have a problem with it.
Catherine/splodge-- Its easy as a new writer to go from said bookisms to talking heads g--
Ari and Robert-- It probably wasn't too bad, since I usually replaced 'he said' with action.
@Zette-- But that can just drop you into a different sort of pattern, Robert. There is nothing wrong with 'he said.'
Steven-- right.
Emily-- I have lots of talking heads. The analogy I've heard is that you're not just writing the script for a play: you have to furnish the props and the scenery and the actors as well.
@Zette-- Yeah. I had meant to cover bookisms, but I figure most of you really know that stuff.
Steven-- the real problem is using something too much. :P
@Zette-- Good analogy, Emily!
@Zette-- Okay, one more quick little section!

CLASS

Step 14 -- Hunting Weasel Words

Some words are just natural weasel words. These are words that worm their way into our writing and add nothing to the tone. They may, in fact, bog the writing down.

Some common weasel words are now, just, even, really, hope and again. Now we can just hunt for these words using the word search option in a word processor program. (We can hunt for these words using the word search option in a word processor program.)

Notice that taking 'now and just' out of the sentence tightened it up. Neither word added anything that helped better explain the process. You will not need to delete every instance of these words. Examine each time you come across a weasel word and determine if you really need it.

Weasel words can also come in sets, like 'to some degree' or 'it may seem likely that.' If you find yourself repeating phrases like these, they are likely weasels. Cut them out.

Be aware that you may have created your own weasel words -- phrases that you use too often and you can change to something better. One editor pointed out to me that rather than using a name for some characters, I would often use 'the man' as a descriptive tag.

I stopped watching Mod Squad episodes. I think it helped. (Some of you will be too young to understand that joke...)

You can find lists of Weasel Words on the Internet by doing a search for them.

The next class will include more detailed tricks for adding description, how to deal with critiques, rewriting with a specific publication in mind, and rewriting after rejections.

If you have any other rewriting questions you would like to see addressed, email them to me at zette@sff.net. If I have any clue how to deal with them, we'll discuss it. (grin)

QUESTIONS

Steven-- All right what's the deal with the Mod Squad?
BarGnat Mary-- hehehe
Ari and Robert-- I remember it, man...
Yvonne-- is it okay to end a sentence with a preposition?
@Zette-- Sometimes, especially in dialogue. It's the way we speak sometimes.
@Zette-- It depends on how formal the piece your writing is.
Ari and Robert-- Is it okay when you're not sure about semicolons, to just break the structure and do shorter simpler sentences?
Gayle-- it was a late 60's police show....the first one to use 'young' cops
Steven-- And they referred to each other as "man" all the time?
BarGnat Mary-- Was it Winston Churchill who said something about "literary prejudices up with the which I will not put"???
Steven-- yep
Emily-- If you're not going for a formal style, "He went back to where he came from" sounds a lot more natural than "He went back to there from where he came."
Ari and Robert-- Actually, Zette, could you please do an example of a good use for a semicolon? I need a semicolonoscopy.
Gayle-- one was white, one was female and one was black
Steven-- hee hee
@Zette-- Mod Squad ran from 68-73. The referred to any male in authority as 'the man.'
Steven-- ah.got ya
Steven-- Is that where "you're the man" came from?
Ari and Robert-- I think so, Steven.
Catherine/splodge-- "He went back from whence he came"
@Zette-- Robert, there is a huge section on semicolon and colon use in Grammatically Correct. I almost copied some of it for this class, but it would take a lot to get it all here, and taking parts of it won't help a lot.
@Zette-- Try doing a web search for that kind of stuff Robert. But... use a semicolon for separating elements when a comma would be insufficient or unclear.
Emily-- You're right. My brain's fuzzy this morning.
@Zette-- And use it for linking elements, as an alternative to joining them with a conjunction or breaking them into two sentences.
BarGnat Mary-- A semicolon is also helpful to separate two clauses that could be separate sentences if they were longer.
Catherine/splodge-- Don't worry Emily - you're quite right about sentence arrangement
BarGnat Mary-- oops. Independent clauses
Catherine/splodge-- a lot of sentence rearrangement is unnecessary
@Zette-- Say you have a line like this: I came away from class with a list -- books, pens, paper, and eraser, notes from the previous class, and homework.
@Zette-- It reads a little differently if you write it like this: I came away from the class with a list -- books; pen, paper, and eraser; notes from the previous class; and home work.
Emily-- Semicolons are also used if you're listing titles with commas in them:
@Zette-- Even more so if you have groups with man commas in them that have to be put together.
Steven-- yep
@Zette-- Or rather kept together.
@Zette-- Yup, Emily. Any time where a comma would not be clear, you can use semicolons instead -- but use them throughout the sentence then. Don't mix and match.
Emily-- I read "Cry, the Beloved Country"; "another title with a comma in it"; and "another title."
@Zette-- Right!
Steven-- exactly
Ari and Robert-- Thank you!
Ari and Robert-- I'm serious, it's a mental gap that I'm working on. Sometimes Word suggests them. But it helps to understand why.
Catherine/splodge-- I think some English punctuation rules are different from the American
Steven-- A book that might be useful is "Index to English" by Ebbitt & Ebbitt
@Zette-- Since I had originally meant this class to be just a discussion on how to approach editing (not the actual work of editing itself), I think we're doing quite well. Everyone has different problems with editing. I can't cover them all. I can't even cover all of mine. (grin)
Steven-- I use it in my Usage of Language class and it's really good.
Catherine/splodge-- I get confused, especially given my very strict (and very good) high school english teacher
Catherine/splodge-- But then I am writing for the American market, so I have to be careful
Steven-- It just explains what things are and how to use them.
Ari and Robert-- Zette: does it help to keep constantly rereading books that struck you as having vivid, polished style?
@Zette-- I've had very little education in English. We moved far too often as a kid. I went to a new school every few months, so I missed a lot of the solid background I should have.
Steven-- it also explains how to mark up a MSS for changes - explains the customary editing marks, etc.
@Zette-- I can't see where it would hurt, unless you find you are doing nothing but copying that style rather than letting yourself go with your own.
Catherine/splodge-- I *don't* find reading good writing helps. I don't notice good style
Steven-- I really cannot recommend that book too strongly.
@Zette-- That's neat, Steven, though fewer places use those marks these days. Most publishers, even print, seem to be going for electronic submissions.
Steven-- That's not a big part of the book, but they do show the marks when they talk about those things.
@Zette-- I love that stuff myself.
Ari and Robert-- I used to be a typesetter. I grew familiar with them at work.
@Zette-- Any more big major things? I think I see about one more class to cover the basics of editing.
Yvonne-- .
Catherine/splodge-- I think that's everything I can think of...
Ari and Robert-- Will you discuss editing to length? Market One had 5,000 words maximum. Story is 4,000 words. Market Two has 2,500 word minimum.
@Zette-- I think if I ever redo this class, it will be as a single 'this is what I do' class. And then a class or two discussing what everyone else thinks is important. (grin)
Gayle-- nothing that I can think of
Steven-- I'll shut up about the book now. I really do like it, though. It's on my "keep" list for when I go thru my books after I graduate.
@Zette-- That's part of the next class, Robert.
@Zette-- Although we did cover that a bit in the last class, I think. Or the first one.
Ari and Robert-- That's what I was asking, if you'd cover that under "editing on request for changes."
@Zette-- Yup!
Ari and Robert-- I have a personal goal. When I can adapt a short story to a novel or boil a novel down to a short story, I will really know how to rewrite.
@Zette-- Okay people -- one more class, with luck next week -- though that may be a problem with Vision due out the next day.
Ari and Robert-- Yikes!
@Zette-- And then, if you like, we can meet on Tuesdays to discuss specific problems.
BarGnat Mary-- good luck, zette
Julia-- good luck with Vision!
Catherine/splodge-- like a "Rewriters think tank?"
Ari and Robert-- Ooh, thank you! This has been great, Zette!
Gayle-- that sounds good zette...talking about specific problems
Catherine/splodge-- Thank you very much, Zette!
Julia-- thank you for another wonderful class!
BarGnat Mary-- Yes, indeed
Emily-- Yeah. I'm feeling much better about tackling the novel now.
@Zette-- LOL. Yeah, something like that. I think it will be better if you can bring in problems. Or email them to me and we'll discuss them.
Steven-- "rewriter's thinktank" ??
Gayle-- thank you zette
Ari and Robert-- Cool! I'm really looking forward to it.
@Zette-- There are a lot of problems I just don't see. Not that I don't have them, but I don't see them.
Ari and Robert-- Thank you so much for this. And for Vision.
@Zette-- So, I'm off to go edit some Vision stuff. Talk to all of you later!
Julia-- Vision. Highlight of next week
Ari and Robert-- See you later, Zette! Happy editing!
Steven-- later zette
Gayle-- night zette...
BarGnat Mary-- night, zette, and thanks again!
Julia-- adios, Zette
Catherine/splodge-- Bye Zette, thanks again!
@Zette-- Hope it helped. At least it gives you stuff to look at!

Lazette Gifford
My Inner Editor died of fright and my Muse is suing for overtime wages.

Assistant Site Host
Managing Editor, Holly Lisle's Vision (http://lazette.net/vision)
Home Page: http://lazette.net

Transcript: After the First Draft, Class 3

A few opening notes:

Step 10 -- Rewrite Tricks

Now -- Print and line editing