Hi Michael, I love your site. I am an aspiring novelist. I have written all my life it seems but have never felt strong enough to take the plunge. I am not interested in doing the ebook route but I have been asking for opinions and advice where I can get it. Here is a few paragraphs from my first novel, up to now I have only worked on short stories. If you have time and don't mind I would love to hear what you have to offer. I know there will undoubtedly be grammatical mistakes, I have not gone through and checked for any as of yet. I'm just at the point of pouring my thoughts onto good ole notepad. Thanks in advance. I apologize for the length, this was the first segment I worked on.
Melissa
FATE'S CIRCLE:
Sarah Kingsley blindly reached for the snooze button on the blaring alarm clock. One of the kids must have fiddled with the volume control yesterday she thought tiredly. The alarm had only seconds before jolted her wide awake with the screeching of an electric guitar. Her husband enjoyed heavy metal, Sarah did not. Waking up to Ozzy hollering in her ear only set her teeth on edge. "one of these days sweetie...." she mumbles under her breath, tossing off the covers and dragging her tired body from the blissfully warm sheets. Her husband continued to snore away. Did nothing wake the man? Maybe if she dropped some ice down his back, hmmm, on second thought she probably wanted to avoid starting him off in a nasty temper. Sarah was the morning person, her husband David was most certainly not.
Sarah shuffled to the bathroom, rubbing her eyes blearily to clear the sleep. Morning person or not, 5am was just to early. She turns on the water and catches a glimpse of the face in the mirror while reaching for her toothbrush. She never felt she had a bad face, not gorgeous but she was happy with it. Her skin was fair and rarely needed make up, her hair was naturally curly but she knew it could be worse. It was a nice auburn shade that complimented her green eyes. Thankfully she had inherited her mother's high cheekbones and her fathers thick head of hair. Sighing tiredly she splashes some cold water on her face, needing the extra wake up routine this morning. Not even Ozzy had shaken off the thick mantle of sleep today. Sarah knew she needed to make an appointment with her doctor but it was always tomorrow. This mind numbing fatigue was not letting up and it had been a few months now.
"Honey, would you shut the water off please?" David pulled his head out of the pillows just to ask, then shoves his head back under, trying to block the noise and light for another thirty minutes of sleep. "Sorry..." Sarah flashes a sneaky grin, she isn't truly sorry. Why should he get to sleep in longer while she has to go out and run? She thought it was hardly fair that he could eat and drink anything without changing a bit while if she missed a few days of running the scale would tattle on her for her laziness.
"I'm leaving now sweetie, will be back in about 45 mins" Sarah bends down and kisses Davids peeping face from among the pillows. "s'okay" comes the muffled reply. Tossing on her sweatshirt over the tshirt, she creeps out the front door careful not to wake the kids. The morning is brilliant, the sun is slowly rising above the earth setting the sky aglow with a myriad of dancing colors. Sarah takes a deep breath, inhaling the morning scents that surround her. When she had begun this exersize routine she had hated every moment of it but as the days turned to weeks and weeks to months she now found this to be her favorite time of the day. The world was still and peaceful, the day untouched by what may come. Everything felt clean and renewed including Sarah. She jogged down the street turning onto the nearby jogging track. They lived on the outskirts of Anchorage, away from the tall sky rise buildings and clogged highways. There was a new jogging track around the neighborhood and it wound its way through the forest on the edge of the subdivision. Her mind was lost in thought when she heard a noise ahead of her. This was considered a safe area, low crime rate and upscale housing but still Sarah slowed haltingly, yearning to hear and sense more of what was up ahead before running into a potentionally dangerous situation.
"help, please, is anyone there...." A weak cry was coming from around the bend. It sounded like a man, not terribly old but he didn't sound very young. Sarah clenched her hands in fists, thinking desperately wether to risk going forward and being caught in some trap or turning around and risk being responsible for someone in danger.
"damn it!" Sarah surged forward, her mind made up. Saying a quick prayer to God she rounded the bend and to her relief found it truly was someone in need of help. A man who appeared to be in his forties was stretched on the path in front of her, clutching his chest relfexively.
"Sir, are you having a heart attack?" Sarah knew it sounded stupid to ask the obvious but it could be something else. Not likely, but it could. The man grunted with pain and nodded yes. Sweat was beaded on his forehead and his face had a ghostly pallor. She knew this man was in serious trouble and she had to do something fast. How far to the nearest home? "Sir, I hate to leave you but I need to call and get help." The man nodded wordlessly, to far into his world of pain and fear to say anymore words. Sarah took her sweatshirt off and propped it beneath the mans graying hair. "Hold on, please, just hold on" She muttered and took off at a fast sprint across the woods straight towards the road. Every second felt like minutes and every minute felt like hours. She reached the nearest home and banged on the door loudly. It felt like an eternity before an older gentleman opened the door.
"Please sir, call an ambulance! There is a man on the jogging path having what seems to be a heart attack!" Sarah leaned over trying to catch her breathe in between telling the man. He looked stunned and didn't move. "NOW!" Sarah bellowed, trying to shake them man out of his shock. The man shook his head in surprise and turned, rushing to the phone. The mans wife came sleepily around the corner, "Rodger, what is it...." her voice trailed off as she took in Sarah's appearance and what her husband Rodger was saying on the phone. "Oh Lord, what can I do to help?"
"M'am, could you please point the ambulance where to go, I need to get back to him. I had to leave him all alone to get help. Its straight through the woods, I didn't turn or veer at all. Just tell them to walk straight through where I go back in, okay?" Sarah felt fear crawling down her spine, would the man still be alive when she got back?
"I can do that, yes" The woman answered gently, she seemed overwhelmed but Sarah felt she could get the crew to the right spot so turning quickly she dashed back to the woods and ran straight to the man. He was there lying deathly still. Sarah could see that his breathing had become almost nonexistant. How long till the crew arrived?
"Oh God please, please don't let this man die in front of me" She pleaded desperately. Kneeling before the man she checked his breathing and pulse again. No breathing but there was still a weak pulse. She had taken a CPR course just last week to refresh her skills. She started breathing for him only to find now his pulse had gone as well. Tears fell down her eyes, she couldn't beleive this man was dying on her. She began doing CPR frantically. The sirens screamed in the distance and all Sarah could think of was please hurry, please hurry. It was only minutes since the call was placed but Sarah felt like a year had gone by waiting and performing CPR. The EMT touched her shoulder gently and she pulled back while they moved in to work on the man. Another EMT guided Sarah aside and began asking questions.
"Do you know him?", Sarah shook her head numbly, "no. I was jogging and I heard him call for help. He was all ready on the ground when I found him and he was clutching his chest. I ran for help and when I came back he stopped breathing, "she took a ragged breath, "and then I lost his pulse. I started CPR but....." tears ran down her cheeks.
The EMT gazed at the young woman before him, "M'am, you did everything right. If this guy makes it, it will be because of what you did. If he doesn't make it then you can still rest knowing you did everything that a person could do." His eyes spoke the truth to Sarah and she nodded absently, glancing over to where they continued to work on the man.
"We've got a pulse!" came an exultant shout. The EMT's hurried him on the gurney and packed the equipment up around him. "Let's go, move it!" They rushed the man into the waiting ambulance and then they were gone. Sarah sat down, shaking. A policeman came and took her statement which she gave mindlessly. "M'am, I think you should go home, do you need a ride?" Sarah could only nod. The officer helped her into his cruiser and drove her to her home. She observed the well manicured lawn and flowerbeds, the hanging pots and landscape lights. Everything looked perfect, but Sarah felt far from perfect. Having an animal die on her was bad enough, but as a veterinarian she learned to cope, but having a human being die on her was something she did not want to face. That was one of the main reasons why she had opted for veterinary school. She loved medicine, loved to heal and help but found it hard to cope with people dying. Kids, mother's, father's, husband's and wives. It was so hard watching the families go through that pain.
Her husband met them at the door and she heard the officer explaining the events to her husband. He looked at her surprised, concerned by her condition. "Thank you officer, let me know if you hear anything" and David pulled her in the house, steering her towards the breakfast nook. "honey, come inside, lets get you a cup of coffee ok?"
David fixed her a cup of coffee, sugar and cream just like she preferred. He sat with her and they sipped their coffee slowly in silence. The kids were up, getting ready for school now, but it was if somehow they sensed the somber mood and went about their business with more care this morning. Sarah was quiet for a while before finally speaking, "David, his face....." her voice broke as she remembered the mans look when she left him to get help. "It was as if he knew, knew he was going to die."
David pulled Sarah closer, "Sarah, you don't know if he died, do you?"
"No, they got a pulse back before they loaded him away......maybe......" she couldn't finish. "David, I've never been so scared in all my life, it was as if all those years of school and training just flew out the window. I know I am a vet not a human dr, but you would think I could handle it better!" She ran her hands threw her tangled hair angrily, angry at herself, angry at the man for putting her through this and angry at the world because she couldn't cope with losing that man's life while it was in her hands.