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I Left Islam

February 20 2009 at 4:45 AM
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Zvek_Zivi  (Login Zvek_Zivi_Cetinjanin)

 


This testimony is long. Dont read it if you have something important to do because once you start you wont be able to stop.

Abdul Quddus explains how Muslim propagandists lie and portray a peaceful image of Islam in order to make the unwary westerners fall into their trap, and then they slowly brainwash him and inculcate in him the hatred of everyone, particularly the Jew. He talks about the double standard and the hypocrisy of virtually all the Muslims, including the so called moderates, who on one hand rejoice every time a Jew or an American is killed and on the other hand, despite having seen the videos of the Jihadis bragging about the 9/11, brazenly deny that it was the work of Muslims and accuse the Jews for it. He explains how, once he converted to Islam, he was so brainwashed that he contemplated joining the jihad, to kill innocent people and becoming a martyrs.

This testimony is an eye opener for anyone contemplating converting to Islam. It is a must read for anyone who wants to have a glimpse of Islam from inside. If you have teenagers at home ask them to read it. This testimony could save their lives. Please spread it.

As I have always said, Islam will be dismantled by the pen of ex-Muslims.

Ali Sina


I Left Islam
16 03 2007

Journey Through Islam
The testimony of a former convert to Islam
By: Abdul-Quddus
[Final Draft: 03/16/07]


Im often asked, despite knowing the pros and cons of Islaam, why would a Westerner embrace a religion they hated? Though surrounded by believers, while growing up as a child, I was essentially an agnostic. I pondered that, if this Creator actually existed, an unbiased investigation was needed to discover who He was and what He wanted from me. The following testimony is a trustworthy account of a journey through Islaam.

I was raised by non-practicing Christians who immigrated to Canada from an anonymous country near the Caribbean. In the beginning, our family would occasionally attend Sundays church services. However, my mother later realized that her husbands inattention and sons rebellious behaviour during the sermons conveyed an undeniable expression of disbelief. Considering we had more nominal believers in the household, our church visits as a family unit slowly withered and then finally ended abruptly.

To my adolescent mind, the deity of the Judeo-Christian faith baffled me. I would curse the Biblical God, who although was once supposedly involved in human affairs, for now being idle during all the injustice and suffering I saw rampant in my world. However, following the blasphemous utterance, Id immediately reprimand myself. To battle my agnosticism, during age twelve, my parents gave permission for the public school to have myself proselytized to by a Christian minister. In an experiment that would likely be illegal today within public school walls, a few other parents consented and we children were in the library being handed a red book labeled The New Testament. This book I would soon abuse with a black-ink marker with obscenities and my scissors. Without any guidance or education, I was left confused about God, albeit, the Judeo-Christian interpretation of the being.

Beside from my almost quasi-religious upbringing, early in my youth I had close contact with a conservative Christian family that would subsequently influence my behaviour and thinking. One of their boys was my age and I would never find a closer companion and friend in life like him. Originally from Newfoundland, the father was a minister and both husband and wife had a zealous demeanor towards their sons. To my shock, even uttering damn in their home was reprehensible and would bring chastisement. The mother always fed me as if I were her visiting nephew, even though we were not related by blood. Aside from my immediate family, from these people I perceived love and friendship. Although disciplined and strict, the warmth and compassion received from this God-fearing family I would consider ideal and exemplary in a world void of.

As a teenager, an encounter with a Jehovahs Witness introduced me to another kind of believer. While waiting at a bus-stop, standing beside myself was a woman who suddenly began preaching to me from her copy of the Bible. Throughout the pages, her penned notes around the verses, which accumulated over the years, caught my interest. In order to approach a complete stranger in this manner, she must surely have believed in her religion, I thought. The sense of purpose and spiritual fulfillment she seemed to receive from her religious practice would plant a seed on my own spiritual path.

During my mid-teenage high school years, I developed a severe clinical depression that would endure for many years affecting my religious perspective. My social and academic life became strained and eventually I found myself dropping-out of high schools repeatedly. During one early morning, I came across Nightlite Live, a call-in television show about prayer, repentance, and salvation. The messages of hope from the counsellors were candy for the downtrodden folk and I would frequently view the program. I resonated with the despondent callers. This Christian-owned television station CTS was balanced and tolerant enough to allot program space for other religions faiths in order to reach their adherents. The hope I was receiving from these Christian ministers watered that planted seed given earlier by the Jehovahs Witness preacher. My clinical depression would become propellant for a now unequivocal spiritual endeavour.

Browsing through a CD-ROM encyclopedia, I came across the section on Religion and would gravitate towards the entries on Buddhism. The biographies of the worlds religious figures was a favourite read but I then attempted to educate myself on doctrine and theology. An upbringing of Christianity could not motivate me, however, the gnostic perspective on the Gospel almost renewed a passion for Christ. The Bahai Faith, being fairly new compared to other organized religions, was difficult to view as anything but a cult eclectically borrowing from a multitude of sources. The idea of a direct and transcribed communication with God, along with a photograph of the Arabic verses, ignited an interest in Islaam but my agnostic mindset squashed it within days. Hinduism offered nothing that Buddhism couldnt deliver and, to my knowledge, even absorbed many elements of Buddhism. From the outside, Sikhism appeared steeply cultural and as a hybridization of Hinduism and Islaam. Daoism intrigued me for a brief period, but I later discarded the philosophy because it seemed to lack direction and purpose. From a comparative analysis of the world religions, the path of Buddhism and its founder resonated with me deeply and seemed closest to an absolute truth Ive been searching for.

I would return to the character of Siddhartha Gautama, who I resonated with personally. According to my comprehension, his character was impeccably ideal and his dispensation faultlessly moral and rational. Buddhism had profound wisdom, encouraged independent thinking, discouraged blind faith, was not exclusive but inclusive for all humankind, and could be practiced without the superstitious beliefs abound in other religions. With an agnostic and/or atheistic temperament, and a leaning towards scientific inquiry than blind faith, Buddhism seemed befitting. Influenced by my discoveries in the encyclopedia, I would pursue a devout Buddhist practice that would last six years.

However, for reasons and causes unbeknownst to me then, the Buddhist practice that once filled my life with meaning and purpose would meet with disenchantment. I would perform quadrupled fasts each month for uposatha, an occasion dedicated for intense discipline, doctrinal study, chanting and reflection. The duration of each fast spanned from noon until the next day, with a break in between for plain tea. Although most Buddhists partaking in this observance would be at the temple, I eventually chose the confines of my bedroom in isolation. My withdrawal from public life and anti-social behaviour would be the result stemming from a surging illness of clinical depression. The total lack of guidance from engaging mentors, and sole reliance on inanimate books for my religion stifled my inspiration and I began to experience disenchantment.

In retrospect, if it were not for a family member converting to Islaam, I would likely have not embraced it myself. Having a lost loved one unanticipatedly reappear and noticeably dedicated to this Arab cult would spark my curiosity. Recent terrorist campaigns overseas by Muslim extremists were escalating and the need to understand the Muslim perspective was paramount. My obligation to reconnect with my sibling would contribute Islaam to affect my own religious experience.

Out of curiosity of Muslims, belief in Islaam, and fear of Allaah, I considered the process of converting to Islaam to become Muslim. Beforehand, Id been a mild opponent of Abrahamic religions. After an exigent probing of Islamic websites, inconceivably, I was mesmerized. Islaam wasnt a cult, but a rich faith tradition that rivalled all others. I highly regarded the comradeship of the ummah (Muslim community), clarity of the Quraanic text, and simplicity of the religion for the adherent. I brought myself to open the Quraan, beginning with page numeral uno, Soorah al-Faatihah. Islaam seemed created in a competently organized fashion. Allaah (Arabic; lit. The God) was distinguishably one and without partnership. Understandably, all those sincerely contemplating on converting to Islaam have already accepted theism over atheism. The primary attraction to Islaam was not in geometric Arabesque art, Islaamic-inspired calligraphy and architecture, the constant argumentatious fights over Middle Eastern politics, nor the latest innovative model of hookah. No question about it, on the minds of all sincere converts to Islaam was tawheed (monotheism, affirmation of the Oneness and Uniqueness of Allaah).

In the past, I had encountered some uncompromising critics who vigorously presented explosive accusations on Islaam and the character of Prophet Muhammad. I was not unfamiliar with the charges of pedophilia, genocide, thievery, rape, and murder. Supposedly, Islaam was a barbaric cult stuck in seventh-century Arabia bereft of human rights and with a disavowal for advancement. Initially, as a kaafir (unbeliever), I had accepted some of the charges as true and was perhaps an Islamophobe. However, once I held a belief in Allaah and an admiration for Islaam, any propaganda or criticism could easily be dismissed as an undertaking to discredit the religion. I bared in mind that all organized religions harboured objectionable and disagreeable content, at least in the eyes of some. I was given a sanitized version of Islaam by moderate Muslims and read merely segments of the Quraan in English translation. Naturally, I felt compelled to fully trust the Muslims explanations since a selected few had the monopoly on this Arabic revelation from God. I decided to reject any subconscious Islamophobic mentality, ignore all anti-Islaamic subject matter, and solely submit myself to brainwashing

Despite having close friendships with Muslims, my initial exposure to Islaamic subjects was via cable television. Airing on VisionTV, a nationwide Canadian multifaith and multicultural television network was a program called Journey Through Islam. Using material from the Islamic Information Service (IIS) based in California, this one-hour show featured conversion testimonials, documentries, interviews with scholars and thinkers (Maher Hathout, Muhammad Asad, Muzammil Siddiqi, Jamal Badawi, John Esposito, Yusuf Estes, Yusuf Islam, Hamza Yusuf, etc.), and snippets from Harun Yahyas cunning videos on Creationism. Another program was Let The Quran Speak by Shabir Ally which featured mostly Quraanic lectures and interviews. Reflections on Islam by Ezz E. Gad and Call of the Minaret by Steve Rockwell also were influential to my indoctrination. Besides the wealth of Islaamic programs on VisionTV, the Christian CTS network aired Islam Today with host Bashir Khan and The Muslim Chronicle hosted by Tarek Fatah. Both programs featured local interviews, documentaries and educational material. With this wealth of Islaamic education, my heart and mind was won.

But by far, the most stimulating and persuasive piece of all was footage of a talk (titled: Glorious Quran, The Liberator) delivered in 1987 by Yusuf Islam (formerly the pop singer Cat Stevens) at the University of Houston wherein he spoke of the Prophets and their struggle to present the same revelation to mankind. With a pointed index finger and green Quraan in hand, he spoke with profound meaning, contentment, spirit, composure and enlightenment. His gift left me in awe and craving what a billion Muslims possessed; a sense of purpose.

With assistance from cunning Muslim proselytizers, I deprogrammed my acquired beliefs and swallowed the dawaganda. After one converts and embraces this religion, all previous sins will be blotted out. Even the name Islaam (submission, to the will of God) seemed truthful and posed actual meaning; the other religions were either named after a man or tribe. Apparently, the Jews were strict monotheists but had rejected Jesus, while the Christians accepted Jesus but then rejected Muhammad. At the time, Islaam seemed a sure option as Judaism was for Jews and Christianity had the polytheistic Trinity. One common point delivered repeatedly to me was how only in Islaam had a revelation been absolutely preserved in its original language uncorrupted. No brilliant criticisms of Buddhism were given; no Muslims knew what the Buddha actually taught. As I became increasingly impressed with the Islaamic position on theism, Buddhism seemed odd with its absence of an omnipotent Creator God and obscure purpose for mans existence. I saw the superb design pervasive throughout creationism that pointed to a higher intelligence. Coupled with clinical depression and a loss of conviction, I became disillusioned with Buddhism. Vegetarianism became too strenuous to endure. If Allaah willed meat for our consumption, and I disagreed by being a vegetarian, it would put me with the munafiqeen (hypocrites) since I would be protesting to have more knowledge than Allaah al-Hakeem (the Most Wise). With Islaam, I could return to succulent meat-eating dinners and abandon my daunting dream of becoming a monk. However, now that I was admonished with threats by al-Quraan, I was fearing Hellfire for believing yet denying the revelation simultaneously.

Harbouring an aversion for a decadent Judaeo-Christian modernity, believers born into Christianity began to search for meaning elsewhere. The prevailing vehicles facilitative to escaping a sinking Western society were usually Buddhism, Islaam, and secular humanism. Islaam, the fastest growing religion, was an ubiquitous mantra. The vast majority considered converting to Islaam following a relationship with a Muslim. When an empathetic accord with a Muslim peer ensued, exposure to Islaam increased in addition to curiosity while submerging into a foreign culture. The medias popular portrayal of Islaam would be contradictory with a first-hand experience with Muslims. Western society seemed to degrade women as exploitable objects while Islaam offered a woman security and respect. When juxtaposed to our Christian environment, adherents to Islaam exhibited uppermost consciousness of God; they appeared pietistic to the halaal (permissible) and apathetic to the haraam (impermissible). The foremost decisive factor captivating soul searchers to Islaam was aversion for and disillusionment with the West or dunyaa (this temporal world, as opposed to the Hereafter).

While home alone contemplating and pacing repeatedly back and forth, I sensed my existence in jeopardy and so decided to plunge into Islaam wholeheartedly. I rode my bicycle to the local masjid (mosque) with the ulterior motive of requesting books. The Islaamic building was a fortress, surrounded by concrete and brick walls and metal gates. Since the main entrance was sealed off by a barrier, I attempted to access the masjid through the car entrance. The buildings rear had an entrance for Sisters Only so I ran away with lightening speed. Through another entrance, I wandered about searching for the masjid office. Inside that office, while looking at the security-camera monitors, I awaited assistance while noticing the unclean and disorganized mess. A middle-aged committee member approached me, a man that would later order me to come to the masjid everyday. I received some moderate Islaamic material and a Yusuf Ali translated Quraan. Out of fear of Hellfire, and with a growing belief in Islaam, I confessed that I wanted to say the shahaadah (declaration of faith). It was either during Asr (mid-afternoon) or Maghrib (sunset) prayer that I sat on the floor and viewed the men prostrate in prayer. Just as the speaker announced a statement, someone grabbed my hand and then guided me to the front. The Pakistani imaam asked if anyone was forcing me to convert, to which I replied negative. He recited with me, in Arabic and English, the shahaadah (declaration of faith - There is no deity but Allaah, Muhammad is His Messenger). An individual yelled Takbeer! This signalled the congregation to chant Allaahu akbar! (Allaah is the Greatest) two more times. A procession formed wherein everyone anticipated to hug the new Muslim. After the ceremony, I felt frightened, extremely drained, and disorientated.

At the end was a fully bearded Muslim in Islaamic wardrobe who asked the committee member of my previous religion. When told of my Buddhist past, he scorned twice, So hes a loser? So hes a loser? After mocking my conversion, he offered a hug. I later learned that he viewed me as an idolater that could never make it to jannah (paradise). According to al-Quraan, Allaah will never forgive shirk (associating partners with Allaah) and And whoever seeks a religion other than Islaam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers. (3:85) On my first day as Muslim, even before taking my first steps, I encountered fitnah (trials, tribulations, sedition). The Muslim that chastised me, who was perhaps of the Salafiyoon, never was seen again.

I was led into the masjid office to sign a document testifying to my Islaamic faith, in case I wanted to perform hajj (pilgrimage) and needed verification in Saudi Arabia. Then, I was given a prayer mat, many Islaamic books and Syed Abu-Ala Maududis Arabic-English Quraan with his famous commentary. This was a totally different ideology given to me before they knew I was with them and not simply interested in studying the religion as a kaafir (unbeliever).

My parents reaction to the conversion was tolerant, to say the least. After two days as a Muslim, I approached them in our living room and uttered, Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. You wont get angry, will you? When they said no, I replied, Im a Muslim. The excitement from their faces quickly vanished. Regardless, they responded with tolerance and acceptance, saying, Are you sure? If its what you want, its your decision.

With Islaam my only obligation, the following year after my conversion was devoutly productive. As a high school drop-out without employment, all my energy was dedicated to worship Allaah and learning the deen (religion, way of life). Day and night, I resided at the local masjid. In my Arabic class, the teacher remarked about me, Ive never seen anyone learn it this quick. I grew my beard unshaven like the Prophet, studied the Quraan and ahaadeeth, would pay zakaat, give sadaqah, sawm during Ramadaan, walk by foot to the masjid, perform all the fard, sunnah, waajib, nafl, duaa prayers, and basically do everything right down to Islaamic toiletry etiquette. Successfully, I gave dawah (missionary activity to invite others to Islaam) and converted people to the religion. My conversion testimony was being read on Islaamic websites. Most reverts were often paraded around as tokens. As trophy Muslims, our conversion to the religion apparently was validation for the insecure Muslims born into the faith that Islaam was true. Before going to sleep, I sincerely yelled, Ya Allaah (Oh Allaah)! I am a Muslim. Alhamdulillah (Thanks to Allaah), I am safe and secure now. Dont you dare ever leave the deen, boy! Youre going to jannah (paradise)!

Over time, certain individuals were introduced to me that changed the course of my journey. Being a revert (convert) and impressionable, I was vulnerable prey and acquainted with predators. After taking shahaadah, I was given many telephone numbers for contacts. The first contact being from a brother named Yusuf eagerly seeking my attendance to reinstate a revert support group dismantled after the founder left the country. Id encounter numerous brothers attempting to recruit me into their organizations. My hesitation to partake in many activities perhaps saved my life. The claims by brothers who left us for Arabic studies or humanitarian work overseas caught my suspicion. Some actually went for jihaad; one brother returned very depressed from qitaal (warfare, fighting) in Iraq. Yet, even with all precautions, the dreadable risk of having tea with terrorists supervened. When over a dozen Muslims were arrested on terrorism-related charges, we discovered one suspect was from my close-knit clique of brothers, passing his house hundreds of times while he plotted using three metric tonnes of ammonium nitrate fertilizer. Reverts were wandering sheep that had to be extra cautious of acquaintances.

The only way for the non-Muslims to consider Islaam was by proving our Quraan superseded previous revelations. To establish the immaculacy of the Quraan to Christians, it was imperative to expose the fallibility of the Bible. Once the Christian had encountered inconsistencies in the substructure of his faith, he became more open to the possibility of Biblical errancy. Faced with numerous contradictions, the keen recipient would be guided to a more agreeable theology found within the Quraan. They knew not Arabic, so we provided selected material to them. In specific cases where Christianity and/or Judaism lacked in subject matter and Islaam had the leeway, I took advantage to prove the superiority of the Islaamic religion and its honor by staying true to the previous revelations with Ibraaheem (Abraham), Musa (Moses), or Isa ibn Maryam (Jesus, son of Mary). To convince atheists and agnostics, we exposed the loopholes in evolution and modern science, presented the finest examples of Islaamic creationism, and perhaps mock their presumption of the universe existing merely by chance. Once the non-Muslim was eagerly reading the Quraan and Islaamic material, I would present Muhammad as a prophet of God no different from the accepted Hebrew prophets. Guilt and fear were common tactics used to pressure the conversion process. Just as the Jews denied Jesus, so did I admonish the Christian for rejecting Muhammad. If they recognized monotheism and Muhammad, I seized the opportunity by recommending the individual to embrace Islaam and take the shahaadah (declaration of faith - There is no deity but Allaah, Muhammad is His Messenger).

As I gained experience as a Muslim, I sought a more literal interpretation of Islaam closer to the pristine deen of Prophet Muhammad. Without equivocation, the notorious Yusuf Ali Quraan was a translation that pandered to Western liberal values attempting to lure non-Muslims to Islaam. Although I used Syed Abu-Ala Maududis Quraanic commentary as a reference, I closely adhered to Muhammad Taqi-ud-Din Al-Hilali and Muhammad Muhsin Khans translated work The Noble Quraan which offered a summarized version including the efforts of At-Tabari, Al-Qurtubi, Ibn Kathir, and Al-Bukhari. Tasawwuf (Sufism) and modern progressive movements conniving to reform Islaam were not considered the real McCoy for they presented serious drawbacks and discrepancies that revealed an intentional divergence from Sunnah (the sanctioned practices, sayings, or actions of Prophet Muhammad). The Saudi-based movement of Salafiyyah, heavily influenced by ibn Taymiyyahs call to renounce innovation and return to the genuine Islaam, seemed to be a viable option. However, concluding that being Muslim was sufficient, I rejected any labels of sectarianism that would consequently divide the Islaamic ummah.

Guidance and companionship from my brothers in Islaam gave me a sense of belonging. Being a revert signified the reversion to a state of fitrah (the inherently pure disposition a being was created with). Everyone adopted an Islaamic first name, shunned music, and only ate halaal. We new Muslims delightfully welcomed a brainwashing since years in kufr (disbelief, ungratefulness to Allaah) left us feeling filthy. An unadulterated Islaam was difficult for the kuffaar (unbelievers) to digest so deviants evidently had a higher success rate in their propagation of Islaam (dawah) as they modified principles to suit the nafs (carnal self) of recipients. The moderate and sanitized version of Islaam that initially brought me to conversion had to be reassessed. Through the local masjid (mosque), always available was a handshake and anticipated hug. This was a comfort unavailable at home, especially from a mother always unsatisfied with my performance and father unconcerned with my progress. Encouraged by my Muslim brothers, I desired to excel in my religion; possibly get married, master the Arabic language and be a mujaahid (partaker in jihaad) and shaheed (martyr).

We viewed contemporary Muslims as crippled by colonization and far adrift from the straight path. In much insecurity and drifting, I found fundamentalism a perdurable anchor. We romanticized the early generation of pious predecessors and sought to capture their vigor by imitation. To revive the Islamic spirit for a fresh renaissance, we propagated a fundamentalist version of Islaam to unite Muslims under one refined but exemplary model. Unislaamic programs such as communism, democracy, socialism, and capitalism were thought as destined for the dustbin. The ideal of freedom was vehemently rejected as implausible, even in a democracy; the latter we ridiculed as democrazy. The plan we envisioned was a homologous Islaamic ummah comprised of compliant Muslim nations willing to accept this nostalgic ideology, followed by a pan-Islaamic government. Funded by Arab petroleum sales, this jihaad could be sustained because Muslim countries held approximately 80% of the worlds readily accessible reserves of crude oil. This would enable the restoration of the Khilaafah, and thus usher in a Khaleefah. The military defeat of an emasculated mujaahideen brought about some promising perspective and reformation. Our focus was needed elsewhere, besides Chechnya, Kashmir, Mindanao, Pattani, Palestine, etc. We chose the alternative frontier in jihaad, Islaamic dawah, to rectify the decadent affair of present-day Muslims. However, from the very get-go, politicized Islaam was a dud that failed to launch. The Salaf (pious predecessors of the first three generations of Muslims) of seventh-century Islaam were far from exemplary and their ummah was riddled by schism and assassinations. With a religion that advocated jihaad and casus belli, it was inevitable to have infighting factions. We had never achieved an Islaamic utopia and, without an appropriate method for reformation of Islaam, the future seemed not promising without a strategic platform to alleviate the plight of Muslims.

With hindsight, I perceive the quintessential factor sustaining my Islaamic faith to be fear. I had buckled under the coercion. After embracing the notion of a Supreme Being, anxiety ensued while receiving admonishment from Allaahs Book. A substantial amount of aayaat (verses) of the Quraan are intimidating threats against your personal well-being. Consequently, after departure from the masjid as a new Muslim, I sensed regret and remorse. By taking precautionary action, I had determined the expected value of submission to Allaah overweighing the value of punishment in Hellfire or emptiness of non-belief. This erroneous and biased wager sought the necessity of considering God for personal convenience, without considering the necessity of truth for the sake of truth itself. There lies Pascals Flaw. When emotions took precedence, in dire desperation, I abandoned my most cherished opinions and chose to surrender voluntarily as Allaahs slave.

Surprisingly, the greatest challenge that threatened my servitude to Allaah came, neither from criticism by Islamophobic orientalists nor polemics by Neo-conservative Christians but, from Muhammads holy book itself. Muslims may interpret my doubt as possession by the whispers of Shaytaan (Satan). Prior to my conversion, I had read merely a third of the Quraan accompanied by a minuscule amount of ahaadeeth. Since Arabic is foreign to the majority of non-Muslims, conniving proselytizers with impunity can expurgate a compromising interpretation of the Quraan. Conceivably, had I examined Islaamic subjects more thoroughly, I likely would have never walked in a mosque, let alone convert. From my sincere study of al-Quraan wa Sunnah, at an occurrence when my credence to Islaam and servitude to Allaah was culminating, I would become disillusioned with an apparently incongruous Quraanic text.

Once acquainted with a bona fide Islaam, I reevaluated my commitment and questioned whether or not to continue an adherence to the religion. A Muslim eventually stumbles across contestable matter in a Quraanic aayah or hadeeth. Paradoxically, we questioning Muslims had to use the very scripture under scrutiny that advises us to seek the people of knowledge (16:43), or the Ulamaa (religious-legal scholars) for tafseer (Quraanic exegesis or commentary). As one brother put it, you either believe in it or you dont. Now exposed to unadulterated Islaam, I would encounter a crucial test of submission. A decisive decision would follow; whether to blindly believe or independently scrutinize a book wherein there is no doubt. (10:37)

The strongest evidence and proof for Islaam was al-Quraan (Arabic; lit. the recitation). As Muslims, we spuriously believed Jibreel (archangel Gabriel) was sent by Allaah to bestow the revelations to Prophet Muhammad. In fact, empirically speaking, the Quraan definitively disembarked from the vocal cord of Muhammads larynx to be heard by his companions eardrums. If Muhammad was truly illiterate, without the ability to read nor write, then he couldnt adequately supervise the written compilation of the Quraan nor proofread. Our faith was reliant upon the fallible sahaaba (devoted companions of the Prophet), whom were not scholars, to manufacture the Quraan and preserve it. Devastatingly, most of the companions memorizing the Quraan were also illiterate and an enormously significant number of companions died in battle, before and after the death of Prophet Muhammad. Although our Quraan was transmitted, memorized, and later written by men, I pondered, could it also have been tampered by them in the process? Religion being the machine and believers the automatons, while avoiding the monumental task of thinking hard, many Muslims would ignore any possible inconvenient truths and say, Allaah knows best. Instead of a cold-blooded answer, the evasive responses Id receive from the Ulamaa were unsatisfactory. With the discovery of the Arabic Quraanic containing foreign linguistic influence, I doubted the claim of its preservation in pure Arabic (16:103). Our Quraanic text claimed to be an exposition of everything (16:89) and the Book explained in detail (6:114). Yet, the actual implementation of Islaam necessitated the assistance of ahaadeeth (narrations, the sayings or doings of Muhammad and his companions). Without a hadeeth, we could not properly perform salaat. Regardless if the creation of al-Quraan occured by Allaah or in the confines of Muhammads cerebrum or cerebellum, an unbiased exegete would conclude that nothing new arrived with seventh-century Islaam. Likewise, we Muslims postulated the Islaamic belief that Islaam had the same message revealed to previous Prophets such as Ibraaheem (Abraham), Eesa ibn Maryam (Jesus), or Musa (Moses), all of whom had the same religion. Truthfully, I found nothing revealed by Prophet Muhammad that couldnt be influenced by or plagiarized from existing sources, especially from the Judeo-Christian tradition (Tanakh, Talmud, New testament, apocryphal works). Everything Islaamic could be traced to pre-Islaamic origins, from theology to pilgrimage rites. Islaam attempted to abolish idolatry when Muhammad, like Ibraaheem (Abraham) who was once an idolator (6:76-78), became disillusioned with idolatrous pagan rituals. Prophet Muhammad beseeched the monotheist deity of the Jewish constituents in the Arabian Peninsula but not without undertaking a reform of their Hebrew religion. Evidently so, Musa (Moses), considered the greatest Prophet to the Jews, is the most mentioned Prophet in the Quraan. Disdain for the Jewish people permeates throughout al-Quraan and ahaadeeth for, when the Jewish people eventually rejected Muhammad as a possible Prophet, he vengefully sought against them in heartache. This is why Islaam harbours considerable disparagement and hatred for the Jews, a people exceptionally monotheist, rather than Christians or Zoroastrians who apparently commit shirk (polytheism, aligning partners with God). With the epiphany that al-Quraan was not Allaahs infallible speech, subsequently, I would approach certain aspects of the religion as man-made.

My expectations of a Supreme Being was in contrast to the conventional god of Prophet Muhammad. I yearned for a deity that was transcendent, incomparable, and an indefinable holy unable to be conceptualized. To my discovery, the Islaamic deity was actually the generic anthropomorphic Sky Father abound in popular mythology. He was afflicted with psychological infirmities such as megalomania, melancholy, and malevolence. Allaah suffered from ambivalence, claiming to be ar-Rahmaan, ar-Raheem (The Most Merciful, The Most Beneficent), while simultaneously being malicious or fastidious. As an omniscient entity, he should have exhibited irrevocable authorship in his scripture, instead of acting capricious by amending and abrogating revelations like a fallible redactor confused about what He should have written initially. On the one hand, there is the incapacity of man to grasp the nature of omnipotent Allaah, yet His Will can be altered by exterior forces such as the affects of human prayers. I could not worship a God that changed. As just another idol, Allaah was depicted and contained in the literary work of al-Quraan. According to one hadeeth (Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 74, Number 246), the Islaamic God created Aadam upon His soorah (form, shape, image), sixty cubits in height. Allaah rested upon His Throne (arsh) near His Footstool (kursi). He claimed to have an Eye (20:39), a Shin (68:42), a Face (55:27), a Foot (Sahih Bukhari: Volume 9, Book 93, Number 541), even both Right and Left Hands (39:67). Surely, there were many comparable unto Him. (112:4) Discovering Allaah to be as mythical as the elephant-god Ganesha or temper tantrum Yahweh was a devastating blow to my heart. Relying on tawheed, the initial attraction to Islaam, was ineffectual for I now discerned Allaah as fictitious like the rest of the idols. The god of Islaam, likely just Muhammads alter-ego, displayed masculinity, anger, indecision, misogyny, and other moral weaknesses unbefitting of a majestic deity. Between Muhammad and Allaah, there was an uncanny resemblance in personality. Similar to the 1939 musical fantasy film, The Wizard of Oz, I realized that the Wizard (Allaah) was a fabrication concocted by the man (Muhammad) behind the curtain.

My withdrawal from Islaam occurred suddenly as I studied the Quraan and ahaadeeth. The same disillusionment I experienced as Buddhist and Christian began to now emerge while a Muslim. I found it difficult to believe in angels, jinn, or talking trees. My mind clustered with doubts and objections as I raged with discontent. The deity was fictitious and cruel, the founder deplorably barbaric and sinful, the scripture mediocre and uninspired, the laws primitive and unjust. I perceived Muhammad as a fraud and Allaah as his imaginary friend. Instantly, while holding the Quraan still open, I slammed the covers shut. I tossed the book across the room and ran downstairs. With two garbage bags, I eagerly erased Islaam from my life. This included every Quraan, Arabic course tutorial, hadeeth book, dawah pamphlet, tape, and paperback book on Islaam into the trash. The texts nearly burst the bags. My prayer rug, favourite woolen kufi caps, thobe, and compass followed next. I stored the garbage in our garage until night in order to dump near a neighbours curb for pick-up in the morning. Never had I eagerly renounced an attachment with such certainty and resentment.

When I accepted fundamentalism and uncovered the unadulterated religion of Islaam, I eventually became unimpressed. Besides tawheed, what the religion offered wasnt much. To the naive, Islaam appeared divine with the hypnotic recitation of the Arabic Quraan, captivating Middle-Eastern architecture, and stunning Arabic calligraphy. Our Western culture and Judeo-Christian traditions just paled in comparison. However, just like in art, it only seems creative when the influences and sources are left unknown. Once you uncover the plagiarism, what remains is tediously pedestrian. Reverts from a Christian upbringing, because of their dire hatred for Christianity, were blinded to the core principles as taught by Jesus. The grass seemed greener on the other side. But the reality is, where Christians sought forgiveness for sinners, Muslims sought punishment. Muslims prayed towards an inanimate object (i.e., the Kabah at Makkah), while Christians prayed towards the heavens. Ahl us-Sunnah proudly ate on the floor with their hands like animals, while the kuffar used chairs and utensils like rightly guided people. As for the corpus of Islaam, unable to find a shred of originality, I concluded the Quraan as the most unoriginal composition in religion. Ive read beautifully written books without any errors, but that doesnt mean theyre divine. Judaism was actually more Islaamic than Muhammads religion for Yahweh forbid angels and humankind from bowing to creation, whereas Allaah commanded the angels to bow before Aadam. Religion should have man change for God, not vice versa. Allaah would make changes to suit the whims and desires of Muhammad. We reverts were lied to, though none admitted it. Islaam did not mean peace but submission. Even those religious groups - the Jews and Christians - which share theological similarities with the Islaamic faith are not to be taken as auliya (friends, protectors, helpers). There was a legal hatred for the Jews, fully sanctioned by our scripture. It was a very politicized religion pushing much propaganda. The longer I was Muslim, the more ahaadeeth and less Quraanic aayaat we would receive. Sunnah became the obsession as man-made laws and traditions basically replaced Allaahs revelations.

For an unbiased investigation, I examined the veracity of Islaamic Creationism. Muslims claim that the perfection of creation implies intelligent design. According to creationists, certain natural systems are too sophisticated to be adequately explained without help from an intelligent agent. Using their logic, for the sake of my argument, I will claim that Allaah (subhanahu wa taala) al-Mutakabbir (The Supremely Great, The Majestic) is greater than any evidence found in creation. The Quraan agrees that not everything has a cause. However, since Allaah merely exists Himself in arbitrariness, without any given antecedents, given purpose, nor given meaning, so can the universe itself. If the anomalistic existence of Allaah al-Kabeer (The Most Great) can just be without cause, no logical explanation should be required for the lessor entities in the universe such as bacteria, planets, cells, or DNA. This is their logic. Ironically, instead of perhaps concluding that the universe always existed, Muslims create the idol or anomaly of God in partnership with the universe. No longer impartial by blind faith and delusion, I rationally dismissed the Islamic assertion of a Creator in their absence of compelling evidences.

Although the non-zero probability of the existence of God was and will remain present, the same probability exists for gods, ghosts, monsters, and boogie-men. The stated entities have been encountered in every civilization during every time period throughout history. Primitive man once believed everything from trees to rocks contained a spirit. Animism is still practiced today by native populations around the globe. Even the Islaamic tradition has kept a few spirits, such as angels and jinn. Eventually, two spirits remained in mainstream belief, because of atheism. Those two are God and the human soul. No reason surfaced to suggest Muhammads Allaah was any more significant than the other quadrillion gods contrived throughout human history. Like all theists, Prophet Muhammad approached the chicken or and egg dilemma by guessing that a motherless chicken once upon a time created everything. The whimsical being of Allaah, the epitome of arbitrariness and fortuitousness, exists superficially and accidentally by chance with no given purpose or meaning. He is the fiction of imaginative hope. The Islaamic understanding conclusively bypasses the probability consideration and boldly begins at a mind-boggling refutable truth: There is no deity but God.

Certain rituals and conditions required by Sunnah for the ibaadah (worship) of Allaah actually were a distraction from worship itself. One must be in a purified condition for acts of worship, and to facilitate this, a ritual of purification known as wudoo (partial ablution) or ghusl (full ablution) must be conducted. The wudoo would be rendered nullified if, for example, the Muslim defecated, urinated, bled, fell asleep, or passed gas. Since Sunnah allocated a limited time frame for each of the five prayers, the result would be disastrous. If you completed al-wudoo to begin an obligatory salaah, and suddenly released gas, the entire cleansing ritual had to be redone. This entailed getting semi-undressed, making niyyah (intention), doing recitations (e.g., bismillah, shahaahah), washing the face, neck, arms, head, nasal cavity, mouth, ears, feet, including the repetition of each act three times. By desperately undertaking to postpone flatulence and the call of nature, during prayer, a worshipper would experience consciousness of ones own bowel movements, rather than consciousness of God. Instead of praying to God alone, we Muslims were submitting to the automatic prayers constituted by mere men. During worship in jamaaah (congregation), especially for Eid or Jumuah salaat, you had to prostrate behind men. This position gave one a view of the carpet below, the masculine buttocks of the worshipper in front, or the holes in his socks. For any heterosexual revert, this was an uncomfortable predicament. Truthfully said, for this reason is why brothers came early to reserve a spot in the front row. If a Muslimah was allowed in the masjid, shed unfortunately be behind a mans behind or in an enclosed section separated by a screen. Islaam was vehemently against idolatry, yet when we Muslims performed salaat, there was always a figure before us. And if you traveled to Makkah following the qiblah (direction of worship), youd discover Muslims prostrating, touching, caressing, and even kissing the Kabah. During hajj (pilgrimage) at Mina, hundreds would be killed and thousands injured following the idolatrous ritual known as the stoning of the devil. Al-Jamaraat, the three symbols representing the devil, have been since renovated into 26-metre-long walls in the hopes that more Muslims dont die trying to make an impression on the idols. The Arabic Quraan, believed to be incarcerated Truth and the literal speech of Allaah, also became an idol for Muslims. With washed hands, we held our Holy Book and many would actually kiss it. For Christians, Jesus was the Word of God made flesh, while Muslims held the Quraan as the Word of God made text. I questioned the necessity of prayers and Quraanic recitation being reserved only in Arabic, simply for the pleasure of Allaah. Clearly, we were following traditions for the sake of Arab supremacy. Most Muslims were not fluent in Arabic, so instead of reaping the benefits in our native languages, we recited in a foreign tongue what many could neither articulate with nor understand. If Allaah was omnipotent, he could understand English. In Islaam, instead of being Muslim for Allaah, we had to become Arab to be Muslim.

The Islamic world was a catastrophe for we Muslims were unable to reconcile the discrepancies in our religion, the bedrock of all predominantly Muslim states. In the Quraan, particular Madinan revelations conflicted with Makkan ones. Our foundation was an incomplete sacred text quite ambiguous, inconsistent, and without chronological order. With the Quraan lacking proper substance to be a constitution for a civilization, we implored man-made ahaadeeth to help a divine revelation. Although this combination provided substance to implement Shareeah (Islaamic law), it brought more discrepancies into the religion. According to the Quraan, all men and women are born in a state of fitrah as Muslims. However, the Sunnah demands the adhaan (call to prayer) and shahaadah to be yelled into our infants ears at birth. While the Quraan commanded worship in neither aloud nor in a low voice, (17:110) Sunnah instructed a Muslim to scream at pedestrians the adhaan (call to prayer) from the top of buildings. Allaahs Creation is perfect, but Sunnah mandates that Muslim infants should be corrected with circumcision. The Quraan says to make no distinction between the Prophets, yet, the hadeeth-inspired Islaam with Allaah and His Messenger was awfully similar to the Father and His Son in Christianity. Islaam has elevated the Prophet Muhammad to an infallible hero with almost godlike status. However, when Allaah commanded fifty prayers a day in the night of al-Israa and Miraaj, Muhammad could not submit and disobediently sought to reduce the amount repeatedly until it was down to five. Women could legally have no more than one husband, while the Prophet Muhammad could and did have several in one day. Allaah created everything perfect, especially the Quraan which is considered to be the ultimate miracle (17:88) proving Islaam by containing aayaat (signs, verses, proofs, evidences, miracles). Non-Muslims who doubt the Quraan are challenged by Allaah to produce a soorah like it (2:23). Yet, throughout Muhammads prophetic career, Allaah would abrogate verses to substitute one revelation for another (2:106, 16:101) as if the Truth needed correction. He claimed throughout the Quraan to be the The Most Merciful and The Most Beneficent while simultaneously threatening man in detail the prepared punishments and tortures awaiting him in Hellfire. Although the Quraan claimed to be the best hadeeth (39:23) and contained Sunnah, fundamentalists were not satisfied with the Quraan. Indeed, they abandoned the Quraan in the process as the Prophet Muhammad said of his people (25:30). With such inconsistencies, no wonder a schism in the Islamic ummah occurred immediately after the Prophets funeral.

The evolution and behaviour of a Muslim revert has always been predictable. Soofiyyah (Sufism) was what attracted the ample majority of todays converts. In fact, without a military conquest by the sword, this has basically been the endorsed ideology for the amicable expansions of Islaam. Indeed, Islaam wasnt completely spread by the sword but was welcomed by many. However, to be downright and straightforward, Sufism isnt Islaam but a deviation from it. Tasawwuf or Soofiyyah ingratiated Islaam to the kaafir by accommodating a rigid theology into a compromising spiritual mysticism. Islaam almost took the backseat for some individuals. Instead of pursuing the Muslim identity, many reverts would become obsessed with their Arab wardrobe, the Arab language, and Arab politics. If they converted in a predominantly South Asian neighbourhood, youd notice the reverts mimicking desi culture in an attempt to assimilate. Its a daunting task, especially for Muslims, to rectify the confusion of Islaam with culture and culture with Islaam. From firsthand experience, Id generously estimate that merely a quarter of all converts actually remain Muslim by their first year. Oftentimes, a serious revert would exhaust him/herself to the point of burn-out and would slowly disappear into apostasy. The latter individuals were never spoken of as we ignored anything that could possibly jeopardize eemaan (faith) and taqwaa (piety, fear of Allaah). Judging by their facial expression and physical posture, I could differentiate between a now moderate Muslim and a timid apostate trying to go undetected. Those Muminoon (faithful believers) that actually kept their Islaam, now keen on fundamentalism, eventually disowned their native culture and decidedly lived and dressed as seventh century Arabian Muslims, even in a North American metropolitan city. The first turban I actually saw was on a Canadian, a Caucasian convert trying desperately hard to be one with his Pakistani congregation. These particular reverts - ripe for a picking by the Salafiyoon - would willingly yearn for a strict adherence to the fundamentals of Islam. As reverts, readily dupable and persuadable, our dependence and submission was crucial for a successful brainwashing.

Reverts to Islaam, ever so gullible and naive, were easily susceptible to the prevalent dysfunctional behaviours and propaganda infecting most Muslim societies. By striving to not conform with the kuffaar, we duly had to be ignorant by circumnavigating anything unislamic. We believed, if a Muslim concealed the faults of another in this world, his own faults would be concealed by Allaah on the Day (i.e., Day of Resurrection). One revert declared that Usama bin Laden was better than a million George Bushes and a thousand Tony Blairs simply because hes a Muslim. Arrogantly speaking, we Muslims were the best of peoples ever raised up for mankind. (3:110) So when an atrocity occurred that was obviously committed by Muslims in the name of Allaah, my fellow brothers and sisters were complacent. We obsequiously forsook the human rights violations in Muslim countries, even when the victims were Muslims. The conspiracy theories widespread in my Muslim society were outright delusion. Not even the moderate Muslims, who neglected salaat and committed zinaa (illegal sex; fornication, adultery, etc.), could accept the Muslim identities of the 9/11 pilots. As my Afghani classmate remarked, It was the Jews! When the opportunity arose for self-criticism, inevitably, we instead blamed the Jews, our favourite scapegoat. Homogenizing oneself into the Islaamic ummah was ostensibly clinched if one supported the latest Arab-Muslim agenda, grew an outstanding beard, abstained from using beads during tasbeeh, expressed hatred for the Jews, uttered the word bidah occasionally, and repudiated the modern state of Israel. We proudly acknowledged the jihaad, yet acted stupid if questioned by a kaafir and responded to their accusations with, for example, How do you know it was done by Muslims? Where is the evidence? Although they were not blind to the videotaped confessions by boasting Muslim terrorists, they chose to be. Not all Muslims were terrorists, although it was unequivocally but agonizingly true that most terrorists were Muslims. Sunni Muslims, to be exact. If some Americans or Jews died, there was sympathetic joy and I observed this particular behaviour genially absorbed by one Muslimah just five years old. Reverts hopelessly adopted a rigid interpretation of Islam taught by immigrants from oppressive theocracies that incarcerated ijtihaad to keep freethinking and dissent criminal and their rule immutable.

The greatest threat to dogmatism is doubt because thinking leads to kufr (disbelief). Islaam thought for us. My classmate Mohammed once said, You know what your problem is? You think too much! Ironically, freethinking and open-mindedness brought me to tolerate their dawah and convert. I embraced Islaam and gave Allaah my undivided worship. But because I now kindly disagree, Islaamic scholars say I should be killed. Even moderate Muslims living in the West concede with my death sentence. All Muslims encountered aayaat and ahaadeeth too unpalatable to digest. Did submission (Islaam) mean accepting not just everything, but anything? I realized that I could not be a muqallid (follower who imitates another blindly and unquestioningly). I found it deplorable that Muhammad, a man over fifty years of age, married six year-old Aishah and then consummated the marriage when she was nine. His hatred for the Jews rivaled the antisemitism of Adolf Hitler. The Prophet, supposedly guided by God, did not abolish slavery but actually possessed slaves. He waged systematic campaigns to exterminate opponents. I came from a civilization where murder was considered, believe it or not, wrong? I had to draw the line somewhere. Yielding to fundamentals and authority is a legitimate endeavour, while fundamentalism and authoritarianism is not.

In the pursuit of a strict monotheistic belief system, I incidently had accepted the irrational and illogical along with the absurd. In the process of wishful thinking, we fell into willful delusion. As blindly obedient slaves of Allaah, resultantly, believers became subdued as mentally comatose Islamobots without the ability to doubt, question, or scrutinize. This dogmatic approach by theists favoured delusion and coercion that intentionally set believers as sheep to be led by shepherds into justifying anything they so desired (e.g., Jonestown by Jim Jones, 9/11 by Khalid Sheikh Mohammed). We harboured the delusion that Islaam was perfect, while Muslims just did not live up to Islaam. We had to agree with the inferiority of women, the amputation of the hand for thieves, and antisemitic hatred of the Jews. There was stoning of women and animal sacrifices. Even the incentives of Islaam were ignoble. Paradise, an apparent Club Med in the sky, contained earthly sensuality and materialism catering to primitive man, such as numerous women, wine, and couches. A married Muslimah would spend eternity attending her husband as he titillated with numerous women in bed. A sensible man should expect better treatment for his wife (i.e., an equal human being that is someones daughter, sister, or mother). No progressive interpretation of such scripture could hide the ignominiousness. Although the Quraan alone was a revelation unto itself, to deny a saheeh hadeeth was an intellectual cop-out. One had to simultaneously obey Allaah and the Rasool (messenger), without bias to sound evidence. Reason can exist, but so long as its conclusions conflict not with the institutionalized logic frozen in seventh-century Islaamic orthodoxy. To be a Muslim, one had to absolutely relinquish heterodoxy, as the name of the game is literally submission (Islaam). No Muslim could rationally reform a religion that had been perfected (5:3) by an omniscient and omnipotent God. I realized that Islaam could likely not be reformed.

Surprisingly, even as an apostate of Islaam, I contemplated on reverting back to the religion on numerous of occasions. To outsiders, Islaam was an unfashionable and demanding faith tradition to adopt. However, contrary to most apostates, I view my experience with Islam as a blessing. I enjoyed the obligations and would establish my salaah regardless if I was under a staircase in a busy subway terminal or outdoors bracing the elements. I immensely miss fajr (dawn) salaah and cleansing myself by wudhoo (ablution), a reinvigorating ritual leaving your body, heart, mind, and soul in rejuvenation. Never had I felt so pure. Islaam was intentionally my chosen faith out of sincere submission to God, not for conniving to woo a Muslimah or it being adopted by my forefathers as my birthright. Only with the Quraan could I facilitate a belief in God. There seems to exist a religiosity innate in man, including the atheist. Considerably, Allaah proved to be a comforting solace, though one day I contemplated on why none of my modest supplications had ever been answered. And I begged Allaah (swt) to keep me Muslim. If I could sustain the belief in Allaah, I would remain Muslim and try to courageously reform Islaam from the clutches of fascists. Eventually, I accepted the fact that I was plagued with doubt from the veritable onset. Although once again skeptical of religion, I continued to uphold ethics and ideals such as pacifism and vegetarianism. I had faith, just not in a particular god or religion and held my quintessential identity to be as ex-Muslim. No longer a Muslim, life now was a vacuum and I knew Islaam could never fill that void.

As an apostate of Islaam, similar to all dissidents, I keep my views hidden. But on one occassion, I confessed about my apostasy and opinions to one Muslim and was almost physically assaulted. Living with fundamentalist Muslims certainly made for a tense situation. For safety reasons, I kept up appearances and preferred to pose as a nominal or nonpracticing Muslim instead of an apostate. As an atheist, I view all religions as man-made institutions. Unfortunately, due to inadequate evidence, Id concede the existence of God as highly unlikely. Most definitely, this God described in all world religions is but a trivial idol. The whole premise of my conversion to Islaam was to embrace a monotheistic view of God and fully submit to Him. I presumably accepted an omniscient, transcendent, and sublime deity, but after delving into Islaam, I realized that Allaah was just another conventional god. God could still exist, but equally, so could the other supernatural beings abound in mythology. The time has come for adults to grow-up and discard their imaginary friends. Id estimate that 99.99% of believers adhere to a particular religion, not by choice, but because their parents indoctrinated them. Before I was an agnostic, but after my experience with Islaam, Ive become an atheist. This testimony ideally must bear criticism of Islaam, but dont be fooled. From my intimate experience with Islaam, Ive encountered much truth and good. For that, Im truthfully appreciative. Some of the best people Ive met are, in fact, Muslims. Before my conversion, I despised the religion of Prophet Muhammad. However, I now respect Islaam, but notwithstanding that I kindly choose to disagree with Muhammad.

Leaving Islaam was likely the greatest decision Ive ever had to make. The religion of Prophet Muhammad kept me shackled from the diverse richness that is life. I rediscovered love; the unconditional loving-kindness and equal respect for all humankind, irrespective of gender, caste, race, language, nationality, religion, or lack there of. By doubt, I scrutinized and by questioning, I sought. In seeking, I increase the possibility that I may come upon more truths. But Im not as arrogant to claim I possess The Truth, with a capital tee. In conclusion, for the Muslims in the audience, a quotation from Stephen F. Roberts who eloquently said it best: I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.


 
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February 20 2009, 4:49 AM 

Why I Left Islam

By I. Raza
2006/04/05

I was born in a moderate Shiite family in Punjab, eastern province of Pakistan . As it happens with almost every other Muslim male newborn, I underwent unscientific rituals based on religious traditions carried out on me, including Azaan in my ears on the very first day followed by circumcision and head shaving in the first week of my life. Both my grand mothers were very devout Shiites and Muslims, as we live in Pakistan in a closely knit family so the process of my brain washing started early by telling me about the greatness of Allah, the exalted morality of Prophet and all 12 Imams and the great sacrifice of Imam Hussain and his family to save Islam from falling into evil hands. A Shiite cleric was hired to teach me the recitation of the Quran and also Islamic and Shiite fundamentals who tried his best to instill in me the reverence to faith in Islam and Shiite sect in particular. At the age of ten I finished the recitation of the Quran twice and was done with the Cleric. I happened to watch The Message movie when I was about 8 and as Islam was depicted very positively in this Hollywood style scripted movie it left on me a positive impression of Islam.

Every year I used to go, with my mother and siblings, to attend Muharram rituals. The place where I went had a silver metallic imposter Taziyah of Imam Hussains shrine. People used to gather there for commemorating the deaths of the Imam and their family and for meeting up those relatives they only meet once a year. There were too many odd rituals happening there. Significant of those rituals included a horse Zuljanah dressed as Imams horse coming in a courtyard housing the Taziyah and people holding their young ones moved these infants under the belly of the sacred horse, while other grown ups tried their best to be the first to touch the horse, so as not to miss out on the blessings coming from heaven in form of the horse. ashura9.jpgThe other event which I never liked to watch was a display of masochism and in some cases sadism. This event called Zanjir Zani where people used to hit their backs with a set of long blades to go out of the way to prove that they stand nearer and higher in terms of religious piety and feel the tragedy more by hurting themselves. In the same event some of the sadistic people coerced and coaxed their young children who are not mature enough to decide for themselves (at the age of five) to start practicing this insane ritual. After seeing this appalling ritual I started questioning the validity of such sickening practices. That was the first time I questioned anything about my religion.

Time went on and the brain washing process continued in the school. This was done in many ways. Ill mention a few of those here. Islamic studies were made a mandatory subject by the corrupt and dictatorial Zia regime. Young children minds including myself were therefore infected by presenting them with a heavily biased picture of utopian Islam and its perfect and exemplary Prophet and his followers. Also some of the more conservative teachers tried their best to instill hatred against the Jews and all infidels while glorifying the acts of Muslim warriors. Some of them gave incentives to students if they had offered morning prayers. In the month of fasting, people who werent fasting were embarrassed by their fellow students and teachers and the ones who fasted were highly praised. It was told by some of the teachers that Imam Alis best fasting days were the hottest and longest. Also some of the fabricated hadith were also used to show how progressive Islam was e.g. Seek knowledge even if you have to go to China etc. So this kind of environment was prevalent in our school.

The major balancing force in this entire one sided world of Islam was my father. He had an opportunity to go to US to get his MS degree and during his time he was able to understand the western values and why some of those values should be used to bring up his children. He himself was not a very devout Muslim but still went to the two Eid prayers and participated fully in the last 3 days of Ashura (8-10th of Muharram). So I was never forced to say prayers or asked to go to mosque nor do any religious activity. I fasted and prayed on my own will, thanks to the brain washing done for a quarter century. During this time I felt the plight of women in the country, how they are superficially respected but actually have no real rights on their own i.e. they cant take divorce by themselves as men do. They cant prove rape. They cant do anything if a man marries another woman. They get less in inheritance and they are considered imbecile by the Islamic law to have half the witness of a man no matter how much more educated they are compared to the male witness. I always thought if I were born a girl i.e. had an X chromosome in my DNA rather than Y it would have sealed my fate for ever and that didnt seem to me to be any justice. I also thought about the paradox of free will and determination and both of them lead to the conclusion that God cannot be omniscient and if God is omniscient and can predict our every future move then we are just dummies as well be doing what God already knows and that means he had decided to put people in heaven and hell right from their birth.

With these questions still unanswered in my mind I left Pakistan and came to US to do my MS. Luckily I got the privilege to be at a premier institution, so I was able to make some friends from my country with whom I can have open intellectual discussions about these issues. Also I got more awareness about the Taliban and their cruel regime and the problems Afghan women are facing there. I thought at that point of time that Taliban are not following true Islam and they have invented their own version of Islam to take control of the war battered region. So when Taliban smashed Bamiyan Buddha statue I was shocked at the barbarism of these Taliban and it encouraged me to do more research on Islam. Then 9/11 came and I was so distressed at the insanity of these so called martyrs. These incidents filled me with grief and shame as I thought that people who have the same religion as mine are doing all these horrendous acts in the name of religion.

The first major blow that shattered my faith was when I got to know about the slavery of women, men and children and how women slaves were treated and what happened to the women of neighboring non Muslim countries. So after doing more research I got definite proof from the Islamic sources that slavery was prevalent and practiced by early Muslims. I tried to read the explanations given by the apologists but none of them satisfied me. I always held human and especially women rights in high esteem and slavery of women seem to me as an extreme violation of those rights and I thought that no divine religion can do that. So to satisfy myself I came to the conclusion that these haditha written after more than 2 centuries must be corrupted so I thought I should only consider Islam based on the Quran rather than these hadiths.

Two years back I read Bertrand Russells essays on religion and those opened my eyes. Being disgusted by the human rights in Islam I instantly moved away from Islam and stopped praying and fasting and due to my lack of Quranic knowledge I postponed the religious matters to be considered later when I have some time available for myself to seek the truth about it.

The final tipping point came about six months ago when I watched the movie Alexander. I just thought to look up the real history of Alexander and then some how came to know about the information in Wikipedia and an article in FFI site. I was deeply shocked and angered to know that Quranic verse on Alexander is borrowed from Alexanders Romance and also that Quran considered Earth flat due to misconception of Greeks during that time. Once I saw FFI website I kept on reading the articles and found them highly logical and authentic, while the arguments presented by the apologists were full of fallacies that carry no weight. I felt a lot of anger for being made a fool by the society around me for so many years. I still feel lucky that I got out of this black hole as most of the people are incapable of doing that.

I was feeling a strong urge to write my testimonial for quite some time so I finally sat down today to accomplish this task to let others know if they are still following Islam, how much darkness they are in. I personally want to thank Mr. Ali Sina and all the authors who have written articles for FFI as they are spending their precious time for a very noble cause of enlightening people and showing them the correct path. Now Im of the opinion that everything that was shown as a good aspect of Islam to me can be countered by egregiously bad deeds done by the Prophet and his partners, which tells me how much hypocrisy is present in the Islamic teachings.

 
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Oce to a isljamisti hahahahahahha !

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February 20 2009, 4:50 AM 

Ex-Muslim preaches dangers of Islam Daniel Shayesteh
2006/04/02
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Shayesteh


By M. FERGUSON TINSLEY
BLOCK NEWS ALLIANCE

Daniel Shayesteh was not long graduated from the University of Tehran when on Nov. 4, 1979, 500 students siezed the American embassy in the capital of Iran.

He sympathized with their cause and indirectly supported it, but refrained from bullying the Americans. Not because it was wrong, but because he felt that westerners needed to be kept unaware of the deep hatred Muslims held for them. Mr. Shayesteh, 50, grew up in northern Iran, along the coast of the Caspian Sea. Once a Quranic teacher and scholar, Mr. Shayesteh earned a doctorate in international business in Turkey.

Now a Christian, converting after he fled Iran, Mr. Shayesteh travels the world decrying what he considers the dangers of Islam. Last Sunday, he spoke at Westgate Chapel Christian and Missionary Alliance in Toledo.

Committed Muslims want [westerners] not to have knowledge of Islam, he said in an interview. Democracy is against the values of Islam. [Muslims] say that Allah is the ultimate value-maker; he already has a law and democratic law is not higher than Sharia, the law of Allah.

Through the last half of the 1970s and into the early 1980s, Mr. Shayesteh was a member of a group called the Free Islamic Revolutionary Movement. They set about helping to oust the Shah of Iran and install the Islamic mullahs.

Once they succeeded, however, the new regime under the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini turned and went after him.

Any Muslim who denies allegiance to Islam and its founder Mohammed can expect three outcomes: ostracism, imprisonment, or death, Mr. Shayesteh said.

You do not have a right to reject Islam if you come from [an Islamic] family, he said.

By 1980, Khomeini sat at the pinnacle of power in Iran. Mr. Shayesteh became the chief executive officer of a government department.

In 1981, he ran for a seat in the interim governments Islamic Parliament.

That got him into hot water.

He won the election, but the clerics balked at giving the office to a secularist.

Three years later, he and four others were imprisoned and sentenced to death. Someone who worked in the high court office saw the order for Mr. Shayestehs death and interceded, but his fellow detainees were hanged.

When he was freed in 1985, Mr. Shayesteh said he was a persona non grata in Iran. He could not work, and tried but failed to flee to Turkey.

In 1988, he again attempted to leave the country but was blacklisted and had to relinquish his passport.

Still, he made it to the Turkish border and tried to cross. The border guards called for soldiers to arrest him, but when they failed to come after nearly three hours, the guards let him pass.

Several months later his wife, Mary, and three daughters joined him in Istanbul.

Mr. Shayesteh decided to go to a local Christian church, where a former business partner once visited, trying to locate him. That decision started him toward a life-changing break with Islam and conversion to Chrisitianity. In 1991, he moved his family to Australia where his wife also became a Christian.

Mr. Shayesteh taught business at the University of Technology at Sydney for eight years. Recently, however, he was fired when someone complained about his fervent Christianity.

Ultimately, the loss became an opportunity to begin a mission: teaching westerners the truth about Islam.

 
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Postuje isljam zene postuje hahahahahahah ali kad bi se zajebavali !

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February 20 2009, 4:52 AM 

A True Story on the Lives of Saudi Women

By Khaled

2006/01/30

Many people had said that Islam respects women and values them. But, from my own experience, I have found this to be just a fat lie. As a native of Saudi Arabia , I have personally witnessed how despicably women are treated in our Islamic society. In this short article I shall narrate my experience of such oppressive and horrific treatment of our women, a-la Islamic style. Every word that I am going to write is absolutely truenothing has been fabricated or exaggerated. No one coerced me to write this story, because, I am born a Saudi and I live, right here in Saudi Arabia .

I have three sisters. They were highly motivated to be educated, and on their own effort, pursued modern education. But because of many absurd, outdated and unfair impediments imposed on womens education in our society, they could not finish their chosen field of learning. Despite my sincere intention, I could simply do nothing to help them get proper education. My hands were tied; our society frowns upon women who are highly educated in modern way.

One of my sisters finished Secondary School, and then she stopped studying, because she was keen on beauty training. But in a pure Islamic society like ours, it is not that easy for her to pursue her ambition to be a beauty therapist.

My other two sisters wanted to be school teachers. So they continued with their studies and finished their Higher Secondary Level.

I clearly remember when they were in the college, their ID cards were in their own names, but the photographs on the cards were that of my father! This meant my sisters had no physical existencethey existed in names onlyon a piece of paper. Readers please do not be shocked at such an appalling treatment of our womenthey are just like domestic animals--always owned by some one. They could not subsist on their own as human beings. The law in Saudi Arabia , vis-à-vis women, stipulates that no girl/woman in a college could insert her own photograph in her identity card; instead, only the photograph of her father, brother, husband or her mahram (guardian) must be attached.

Anyway, after finishing their Teachers Training, these two sisters of mine had to wait for jobs which must be in the vicinity of their dwelling. They cannot go away from my fathers control. If they dared to do so, they will never get jobs.

As a conscientious brother, I firmly believe that my sisters are wise and responsiblemore than many men in my area, even more than I. I am certain that given the chance to live and manage their lives by themselves, they will succeed without any problems. In fact, they are capable of accomplishing far more difficult tasks than many of us could.

But alas! This three educated, wise, responsible and ambitious girls are held prisoners at home by their illiterate father. He does not know anything about the world outside of home. He sees no need at all for any progress or development of civilization. And he has forced my sisters to live his periphery of life.

This illiterate father banned them (my sisters) from getting married. It was because of his strict demand for non-smoking, strictly Islamic bridegrooms from the same tribe which he belongs to. It looks like such dim-witted demands might keep my sisters remain spinsters for the foreseeable future.

In our society of strict Islamic adherence, all men who are smokers and/or who do not pray regularly in mosques are considered unfit for marriage. As a binding rule, a man who is considering to get married must produce at least two witnesses who would vouch that the prospective bridegroom regularly prays in a mosque. This condition is so important in Saudi society that failure to produce such witnesses might result in the break up of the proposed marriage. More importantly, a Saudi woman from one tribe must not marry a man from another tribe or from another nationality, even though the man is a Muslim. Forget about a Saudi woman marrying a non-Muslimthis is haram.

In our tribe the girls outnumber the boys two or three times. This means that many of our girls will never get married, as marrying outside our tribe is absolutely unthinkable. In our society men prefer to marry girls less than twenty years old. They have a special penchant for girls who are around sixteen years or less. The conclusion from this absurd desire for very young girls is that the marriage prospect of our girls more than twenty years old is almost zero. Or, they might get married but to older men.

Thus, because of these ridiculous Islamic rules, the lives of these grown-up girls mean nothing in our puritanical society.

Let us now return to my fathers mentality and find the real reason why he does not want his daughters to be married to strangers (I mean, men from another tribe or another nationality).

Saudi men strongly believe that women have no hopes, desires and aspiration of their own. Thus, when it comes to marriage, a Saudi womans opinion is irrelevant. She is totally dependent on her owner about her fate. Saudi men also consider it shameful to give someones daughter to be married to a strangeroutside ones own tribal boundary. It is difficult for a Saudi man to accept that outsiders could look at the sacred honour of their daughters. It is inconceivable for a Saudi father to envisage that a stranger could have sex with her daughtereven in marriage, and even when the bridegroom is a Muslim. So, this is the real reason why my father would not allow my sisters to marry foreigners. He is simply paranoid that foreigners would have sexual intercourse with her daughters
For the reasons stated above, many Saudi fathers ask for double marriagesthat is: give me your daughter and I will give you my daughter or sisterand so on. In this way, they feel comfortable, that is: we will protect his honour if he protects ours. This is how people in our society use women for their own benefitwhen they need money, or when they need new wives. There are some Saudi women who earn wages, but the money they get goes to the pockets of their fathers or husbands. For the fear that their daughters salary might be appropriated by their husbands, many Saudi fathers do not want their daughters married. To me, this might be another reason why my father has literally put a ban on the marriage of my sisters.



So, how my sisters live in this society?

As Saudi women, my sisters go through extraordinary suffering. They have no right whatsoever to manage their lives by themselves. They are totally dependent on my father, on me and their other brothers. They cannot go anywhere alone, by themselves. Whenever anyone of them ventures outside, some men (brother or father) must accompany her as her protector and minder. They cannot even go out for such events like accident, hospital emergency, etc. Believe me, when they need to go to a hospital, they have to call my brother to take them there. He has to come from another city, 300km afar. Because they cannot drive (women in Saudi Arabia are banned from driving cars and are not allowed to go with non mahram) and my father cannot drive, my sisters have no choice but to undergo such unspeakable ordeal of agony. No matter how much urgent and emergency their case, they must wait for their mahram (in this case, their brother) to take them to hospital. There is no way out for them. Since my father does not know how to use an ATM, when any of my sisters wants to withdraw money from ATM, she must handover her card to a stranger (a man) to withdraw money for her. When my sisters want to do regular shopping, they must hand over the money to a stranger and he will charge whatever price he wishes. These are just a few examples of the plights Saudi women go through in their daily lives.

Some times I do think to leave my job, just to stay with them.

So, you might say: why not take them out of Saudi Arabia ? This is utterly impossible. In Saudi Arabia , to secure a passport, a woman must have the written permission from her mahram (father, brother or husband). Obtaining a passport is not enough for a Saudi woman to travel alone. Her father (in case she is unmarried) must sign special papers to permit her to go on a voyage on her own. Being illiterate my father will never allow his daughters to leave Saudi Arabia , I am absolutely certain of this.

Sometime, I really wonder why such an unbearable torment has been imposed on our women. My sisters cannot do anything without the permission and assistance of my father or brother. They are at home, all the time, watching television. There is no sport for them to play, no work to attend to, no hope and nothing to live for. The reality is that they are incarcerated in the biggest prison in the world Saudi Arabia , the land of the pure, unadulterated Islam.

One might legitimately ask: why all these happen to Saudi women? Who is to be blamed for this loathsome ordeal perpetrated on our women? It is quite easy to blame the silly, inane Saudi laws, the wide-spread illiteracy prevalent among the Saudi people and the archaic traditions for the hopeless condition of our women. But think again. All these factors are firmly rooted in Islam. It is Islam which is clearly the culprit. It is the Islamic laws in Saudi Arabia which have rendered our women chattels of men, forced them into their servitude and have completely robbed their dignity, honour and respect they should deserve as women. To say the least, Islam has shaken and shamed the very basic foundation of womanhood.

Islam provides complete authority to a father to control his daughter/s. He has full control to give her in marriage, to ban her from social life or even to kill her. You might be shocked to learn that a Saudi father can kill his daughter with complete impunity. Please know that even when he kills his daughter, government will not kill the father because she is his probity. According to Sharia, the government is not allowed to kill a father if he kills his daughter or son for any reason.

In Islam, a daughter cannot marry without her fathers permissionit is haram. In nutshell, in Islam, a father is a holy man, a commander and a petulant dictator. Even when he is illiterate, obdurate, unjust and insensible, their childrenespecially the daughters, can do nothing against him.



So, in my case what can I do?

The straightforward answer to this question would be: nothing, I can do virtually next to nothing to change the situation. If I file a case against my father, the religious judge will ask him, Why dont you let your daughters get married? My fathers vague answer will be, These girls are my responsibility (that is, under my safe custody), and Allah will punish me if I dont choose good husbands for them. As a proof of his sincere effort he might even produce evidence that all the men he had sought were smokers and also will bring witnesses that they were also non-praying (in mosque) Muslims. This will completely silence the Islamic judge. He will find no ground to chastise my father; instead, he might impose punishment on me for not respecting my father and his decisions.

With such anguish and frustration in my heart, I am patiently waiting for the death of my father. Once he dies, the control of my sisters will automatically transfer to me. Their ownership will officially be in my name. I shall be their new possessorjust like cars, houses, goats, camels etc. Then I shall be completely free to do with them whatever I wishIslam gives me all the authority. I could take them to Hell or to Heavenwherever I desire.

Readers: please do not feel sorry or pity for my sisters. Compared to many other Saudi women, they are quite luckythey can visit shopping centres, once or twice a year. They can use make ups and they can even listen to music. The best freedom they have is that they can choose Television channels they like to watch. For many Saudi women, this is a great privilege, if you did not know.

 
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Idemo dalje

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February 20 2009, 4:53 AM 



This Is What Made Me a Freethinker

By Imran Hossain

ImranHossainBD@hotmail.com

2005/10/11

Sometimes I wonder why I am not near what my most relatives and friends believe in by heart. I have my own values. I always want to enjoy my personal freedom, see all people equal, and do something better for this wide world. However, Islamic teachings in childhood strived to squeeze my mind. I was confused to make a choice between my thoughts and Islam.

In acknowledgement I must thank my father who never said to me to practise Islam, not even once, and my elder sister who first sow the seed of doubt in my mind about Muhammad and the absurdity in Quran. Today I will present my views on Islam that led me to become a freethinker.

A hujur (Islamic teacher) was hired for me when I was about ten. He used to teach Arabic so that I can read the Quran. He taught me how to perform the prayers and observer the fast. I prayed and fasted but did not feel anything. They were just fake rituals. My hujur used to give a boyan (lecture) after every visit and he made me believe in Allah and Muhammad. He taught me how to stand by the Ummah (Muslim brotherhood) and not to be friends of non-Muslims, especially the Jews.

My hujur said only Muslims deserve to go to heaven and non-Muslims are enemies of Allah. We therefore need to fight for Islam until the end. This is what I learned also from other Muslims. Despite this sowing the seeds of hatred, I was constantly told that Islam is a religion of peace.

After a few years, many questions were knocking on my head. My primary questions were:

* Why would I be a subject of hate if I were born to a non-Muslim family?
* What is wrong with innocent non-Muslims and why would Allah put them to hellfire for eternity?
* Why would Allah create a wall between them and us?
* If we dislike so much the non-Muslims, then why do we say Islam is a religion of peace?



I thought I must have been mistaken to know the fact of Islam. I realised that I must know the real Islam to get rid of such misconception. I went to many Islamic scholars to ask my questions and found strange answers.

The majority of Muslims are good people. However, I must admit the truth that most of them talk brainlessly and some of them want to eliminate Jews or non-Muslims and other religions only when they go defending Islam. These Muslims are very nice, but they become bloodthirsty for Islam while arguing.

I wanted to be unbiased about non-Muslims but the comments that I heard about them were often fuzzy and not without a prejudice. I was always told to give preference to Muslims. This sounded very unfair.

As a matter of fact, we can know the tree by its fruits. A Muslim is the fruit of Islam. Therefore, Islam means Muslims. Islam and Muslims depend on each other. If we cannot expect good things from Muslims, then who can present the goodies of Islam? This is what made me very disappointed of Islam.

I tried to find the advertised peace in Islam. We all know that critics and apostates (Murtads) of Islam are killed. Non-Muslims must not be friends or brothers. The adulterer must be stoned to death. Drinkers and other wrongdoers are flogged. Thieves lose their hands, and many more. How can all these represent peace? Can killing, fighting, flogging, stoning, and hating be a symbol of peace? How can I say Islam is a religion of peace when it kills its critics and apostates? I cannot find justification in this teaching.

I was trying to see why Bangladeshi people needed to worship the Arab imperialism. Does it make us lead better? We adopt their (Arabs) culture and religion, but we are not treated well by them. What is the actual point to follow their values? We had our own culture and religion.

Islam says all non-Muslims will go to hell. I could not agree with this. Would humanitarians like Mother Theresa burn for eternity, but tyrants like Saddam go to heaven eventually just because they are believers? Would God send people to hell just because he made them born in non-Muslim families? This seemed to be too much discrimination.

People of my host country have been a greater help to me. The visa officers issued visas for us. The authority of my host country lets us enjoy equal rights. The health ministry spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on treatment of my father and relatives. The government of the country unconditionally help poor countries. The question is - why will the generous people of my host country burn in hell for eternity? I cannot accept this value of Islam at all.

It is true that the innovative infidels (Kafirs) are making Muslims much easier to practise Islam than ever. All the useful stuffs that you see in your open eyes are invented by the infidels. Muslims waste time for their five-time per day prayers and Ramadan. Muslims use aeroplanes and speedy vehicles to go to Mecca for hajj. They use calculators to make payments for Zakat. Four of the five pillars of Islam are performed with the help of non-Muslim products. Unfortunately, the helpers of Muslims will be residents of hell. I could not agree with the judgement that the creative infidels who made the world better will burn in hell for eternity.

My suspicion in Islam grew more day-by-day and many questions came to me but found no good answers. I tried to look for people who think like me. About two and half years ago, I found a website www.vinnomot.com operated by someone form Bangladeshi origin. I was surprised to read the posts on the site. Although the articles were new to me, I imagined that I was expecting the same for a long time. I realized I am not alone I my thinking, but many others have the same doubt about Islam as I do.

Despite that, I thought what if all these secular people on the site are misguided and misinterpreting Islam? Therefore, I started reading the Quran and Hadith to know the truth about Islam. Later on, I came to know that the authors on the site were correct, Muslim propagandists were not presenting the truth, and my suspicion about Islam was confirmed.

 
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Re: I Left Islam

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February 20 2009, 5:02 AM 

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Confessions of a Former Islamist

The stories that follow are truly heart wrenching. I challenge you to read them and not cry. If you succeed, give yourself a medal for being a heartless beast.

This is a testimony to the fact that evil beliefs make humans commit unthinkable atrocities. Anwar Shaikh, the renowned anti Islamist admits that during the Partition, when he was young, he was so filled with hate that he went out with a machete and killed two innocent Sikhs, a father and a son and a Hindu. He did not know any of his victims. He killed them because they were the first non-Muslims he saw in the streets. The memory of his crime haunts him to this day. But the mind of a believer is like a mind on drugs. He is completely dehumanized.

This Bangladeshi Hindu was caught in the street. He was brought to the mosque and was beaten to death. His pleads for mercy had no effect on the stone-hard hearts of the Muslim Satan worshippers. They chanted, "kill the kafir, kill the kafir" and shouted Allah u Akbar while Vimal Patak met his agonizing death.

Humans are not born evil, they become evil through indoctrination.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 >> Next



Part 1

By: Ahmed Awny Shalakamy

I grew up in Giza, Egypt. My father was a building contractor and was involved in Islamic activities. He was the chairman of one of the local Islamic associations and was responsible for making the call for prayer. He also gave Islamic lessons and at times spoke at the mosque on Friday.

My father hated Christians. He taught me that they are infidels who contradict themselves by saying that Jesus Christ is God while their distorted book has verses that prove he is a prophet. It was all part of the rhetoric we got used to hearing from booming mosque loudspeakers, and from the playing of radio and audio cassettes in the streets. In such an atmosphere, a Muslim child in Egypt is breast-fed hatred along with his mothers milk.

My fathers association was active in many fields. It ran a dormitory for girls, a workshop, a clinic, a nursery, a madrassah to study Quran and a section for preaching Islam. The main interest of his association was to proselytize Islam by any means.

During the rule of the late president Anwar El Sadat, the Grand Imam of El Azhar Mohamed Abdel Halim Mahmoud was involved in plotting together with Sadats vice president Mr. Hussein el Shafei. Sheikh Keshk was also involved in this planning together with Mohamed Osman Ismail, Assiuts previous governor, and Mohamed Abdel Mohsen Saleh. Both Ismail and Saleh were the founding fathers of the various Islamic proselytizing associations that sprouted up, and of which my father was involved.

The goal of these groups was to convert Egypt into an Islamic state over a period of 50 years. Members of the royal Saudi family, who were related to the Wahabi movement and oil princes from the Gulf, financed this plan. Money was spent lavishly to seduce Christian women and girls any way possible. The cost in the seventies and early eighties was about five thousand Egyptian pounds for the entrapment of each girl. The money was split so that the Muslim man who lured the Christian woman into conversion received half and the members of the police and collaborating associations would receive the other half.

The work of the proselytizing associations in Egypt continues to take place and the payments for deceptive conversions are now higher. Today the average payment for an ordinary girl is ten thousand Egyptian pounds and payments can be as high as two hundred thousand Egyptian pounds if the girl is from a well-known Christian family, or is the daughter of a university professor, a deputy minister, or related to someone from the clergy.

Like my father, I too was involved with a proselytizing association. After we succeeded in converting a Christian woman, we would antagonize the Christians by parading the converted girl through the streets. We played loud music and waved flags while shouting Allahu Akbar to declare the victory of Islam. We would also chant slogans to shame the Christians. No Christian would stand in the way of these parades, which were safeguarded by the police.

This was a normal practice until 1985 when such parades were banned. Nevertheless, we continued in our campaign to convert Christian women anyway. We were focused on converting Christian girls and women because we believed this was a greater form of humiliation for Christians. In the East, a mans honor is in his daughter, sister or wife and so disgracing any of them is the ultimate humiliation for him.

We used all kinds of tricks to get Christian women. We primarily sought to appeal to their emotions and impulses. We would also get these women involved in moral scandals and used that to coerce them to do whatever we wanted. This is what I did, while I was involved with a proselytizing association. Besides receiving payment for this work, I was convinced I received an additional reward because each time I caused a Christian woman to convert to Islam I would be awarded with an acre of land in heaven.

The following accounts are of the women that I lured into Islam through deceptive methods.
N.M.A.

NMA was originally from Cairo and went to college in the city where my family lived. I was in my first year of college at the time, and this was my first case of proselytizing.

She was very pretty. She had a few Muslim girl friends who told me that she was an easy catch. They arranged for me to meet her and I practiced pretending that I was madly in love, staring at her with desire and faking a quivering voice.

When NMA and I first started talking, I asked her some questions about the Christian faith. I realized I had to change my tactics if I was going to trap her. I started to convince her that I loved her and I worked on her until she fell for me. Her girl friends were aware of what was happening and helped me by talking to her about my love for her. I told her that we could marry and keep our different faiths, as Islam allows Muslims to marry the people of the book because they believe in God. I had my way with her and she became pregnant.

I secretly went to church with her a few times and I even bought Christian books, icons and the fellowship bread to convince her that I was an admirer of Christianity. I told her that I would have gladly converted to Christianity, but could not do it because I would be killed. I then told her that I loved her and could not live without her and if she converted to Islam, she would not be killed, as she was carrying our baby--the fruit of our love.

She was scared and did not know what to do. At that time, I asked her not to sever her relation with the church, to act as she normally would and as a camouflage go to church on Thursday for confession, on Friday for communion and again on Sunday for Mass. She followed my instructions and one day, as per my instructions, she arrived with her suitcase and gold jewelry, and we spent the night at my home in Gameat El Dewal El Arabia Street. On Saturday morning, she had an appointment with the person in charge at El Azhar. I arranged for her escape to the city where she attended college and where I lived until she finished her studies. I then had her name changed to Fatima El Zahra Mohamed Ali El Mahdi.

The efforts of her family and of other Christians to take her back were in vain. I made sure she was the one who adamantly refused to go back after my colleagues and I brainwashed her. My efforts were successful as she became completely convinced that she was now worshipping the true God of Islam.

After five weeks of achieving this victory for Islam and receiving my financial reward, I decided that I did not want to keep this faithless whore as my wife. She was cheap to me and was merely an object for sensual pleasure. How could I have a son with her who has in him the blood of those Christian infidels? I reasoned. I ordered her to have an abortion and I used my legitimate right to beat her. I also obliged her to work for her food. I told her she had to serve her Muslim masters who put a roof over her head and she had to be grateful that I married her and saved her from her shame.

I started to think about repeating the same game again with other women, so that I could serve my life, my religion and my after-life. I believed by doing this I would serve my religion by making the infidels embrace Islam; I would serve my life by getting financial rewards; and I would serve my after life by having many acres written in my name in heaven. I would also have a house cleaner for free. She would work for her food and when I wanted to use her for pleasure, she would be my odalisque.

I enjoyed hurting, beating and humiliating Fatima (NMA). I was positive she did not truly convert to Islam and that she has only surrendering to her female instincts. All this made me more inclined to take revenge on her. Fatima stayed with me for three years, seven months and twelve days until one Sunday in 1998 when I converted to Christianity. I was an atheist and avoided everyone, before becoming a Christian. But as I continued my research, I believe Jesus Christ showed himself to me.

I told my wife about my change of faith. She did not believe me at first. During those three years seven months and twelve days that Fatima stayed with me, I made eight girls convert to Islam. After I became a Christian, I sought to restore each of the nine women who converted because of me as well as those whom my father had converted. I am now praying for the rest of them and I keep getting good news about the coming back of one girl after the other.



When I met DBA, she was studying in a college located one and a half hours from her home. She came from a wealthy family. Her father and mother were physicians and her brothers were physicians in the Egyptian armed forces. Though she was a churchgoer, she was not religious. DBA was outgoing in her friendships with both Muslims and Christians. Yet despite her congeniality, we did not find it easy to get to her and had to resort to foul play. As Muslim men, we believed we were in a perpetual war with the filthy infidels, and therefore it was OK to trick them.

One day I received a visit from a young Muslim man who told me he wanted to marry DBA and asked me to help him convince her to convert to Islam. After much planning, I found out that this girls best friend was a religious Muslim. But she still considered the Christian girl her sister and I was disturbed by this. So I paid a visit to the Muslim girl and talked to her about the corrupt beliefs of Christianity and reminded her of what Allah says in the Quran (Jews and Christians wont accept you until you follow their religion) and also (Ye believers do not take Jews and Christians as friends and those who befriend them are from them, as Allah does not show the right path to the unjust). I told her that jihad against them is the duty of every Muslim and she should contribute to the victory of Islam. The Muslim girl was convinced that I was right and asked what was required of her. I told her not to show hatred toward her Christian friend, but to treat her as usual and even try to strengthen their friendship and follow all of my instructions.

I then went to a Muslim pharmacist who is a member of our association and asked him for a drug to induce hallucinations. I told him why I needed the drug. He told me he wanted to contribute to the victory of Islam and therefore he agreed to provide it. I then gave the drug to the Muslim girl and told her to dissolve two tablets in a glass of milk and give it to DBA to drink, and then call us as soon as she noticed any changes in the girl.

The Muslim girl called us as soon as DBA started to hallucinate and lose control in her apartment. When my friend and I arrived, we had a camera and a video recorder. We started joking with DBA and she was responding, not realizing what we were doing until my friend managed to strip her of her clothes and took her to the bedroom.

I recorded everything on video and took pictures for about three hours. When DBA came around, she realized what had happened and started screaming and crying. She insulted us, Islam and the prophet of Islam, and tried to tear up the Quran, which was with her girlfriend. I showed her the video tape and the photos and threatened to make copies and distribute them to her family, as well as to other Christian families. I reminded her that she would be humiliated by the scandal. She cried and fell to the ground kissing our shoes pleading with us not to do this, but we insisted that she had to do whatever we told her to do, as she knew her brothers and relatives might even kill her if they were to see that video.

She gave in. Her tears and desperation made me ecstatic. Over the next few weeks, she accompanied us to the association where she was brainwashed by the sheikhs. She could not argue with anything they said. She was miserable and never stopped crying.

We taught her what to say before it was time for her to go the police department. She followed our instructions when she was interviewed by the police. And when a police officer asked her why she wanted to convert to Islam she said that the Prophet Mohamed came to her in a dream and greeted her with the Islamic greeting calling her Aisha. Jesus was also in the dream, greeted her with the Islamic greeting and denounced all Christians saying there is no God but Allah. She said that Jesus told her that he is Allahs slave and prophet and Mohamed is Allahs prophet. Then, she said, Jesus kissed Mohameds head and asked her to repeat after him Allahs words from the Quran (those who believe in any other religion but Islam, Allah will not accept it from them in the end, and they will be losers).

She not only said this in front of the police officers, but also to her family members and the priests who came to visit her. Her reactions during these visits, which were called counseling sessions, were staged by us and agreed on by the police before the meeting. It was all a fraud and though she was visited by different priests, she could only tell them what we had coached her to say.

After all the legal procedures were completed, we got her new ID and new Islamic name: Aisha Abdalla Elmahdy. We had achieved our plan and the Muslim man, Yasser, a Mujahid, got the girl he desired along with his financial reward, which was quite hefty because she was from a prominent Christian family. I received 25% of his share, plus my share of the amount I paid to the collaborating persons involved.

Aishas family was dishonored and humiliated as expected. As a result, her mother sold her pharmacy and her father sold his clinic. They moved to a place where they could disappear away in the crowd in order to flee the scandal.

So Aisha married Yasser and lived as an outcast, because she was despised by her in-laws. She was married for two months when Yasser said he had enough of her and did not want to keep her anymore. He divorced her and threw her out into the street.

Since she was our sister in Islam and cannot be homeless, I took her to the association where she lived and worked as a maid, cleaning the clinic for her food and board. She stayed there for three months until she was legally allowed to re-marry. The groom to be was a Muslim who knew her story. He was a coolie and was already married with six children. During the day, he labored in the maintenance workshops of the governorate administration. Aisha did not want to marry him and begged us not to allow her to go through with it. We ignored her, and she was forced to marry a man she did not like.

She lived in misery. She worked as a maid to clean homes and sold vegetables in order to feed her husband and his children. It was impossible to imagine that she was once a girl from a wealthy family of physicians and a college student. Her life was ruined. Her second husband divorced her after five months. Since she had been married twice she did not re-marry and because many had found out about the video tapes and photos taken of her when she was drugged, she was considered unclean. She became homeless and had to spend the night in emergency camps where she lived in sub-human conditions. As she hit bottom she cried: God have mercy on me. God showed mercy and answered her prayer.

During the time she was homeless, I became a Christian was looking for the girls I tricked into converting to Islam. I found out what had become of her and went to visit her with my wife who had returned to the church. My wife and I offered to take care of her in our home. We sought to inform her parents about her situation, so I sent a relative of my wife together with a priest who talked to them. They all cried at the news and expressed their desire to see her. The family reunion was arranged in one of the churches in Cairo. It was an impressive reunion. Though I expected the parents to chastise her, they didnt and were happy to see her.

As her family hugged and kissed her, I was so touched by the love I saw that I wondered why we were hurting Christians the way we did. I have always despised the smiles they had on their faces when we criticized, hurt or humiliated them. I used to tell myself that they were smiles of malice because they were a minority and could not stand up to us Muslims. Now I know the reason for their smiles. It is their love, forgiveness and tolerance toward their enemies. It is the Christian characteristic of making peace.

After DBA met her family, she went back home with them and they welcomed her with love and kindness as the scripture says in the story about the prodigal son. Her mother bought her beautiful clothes and her father bought her jewelry. They celebrated her coming home and repeated the words of the Bible (Our daughter was dead and now is alive and was lost and is now found).

A request was submitted to the Clerical Council to endorse her return to Christianity, which was approved. A Christian lawyer volunteered to petition the court to give her back her Christian name and identity card. The court ruled in her favor. She now lives in France where she serves in the Coptic Church with her husband and daughter.


When I met DBA, she was studying in a college located one and a half hours from her home. She came from a wealthy family. Her father and mother were physicians and her brothers were physicians in the Egyptian armed forces. Though she was a churchgoer, she was not religious. DBA was outgoing in her friendships with both Muslims and Christians. Yet despite her congeniality, we did not find it easy to get to her and had to resort to foul play. As Muslim men, we believed we were in a perpetual war with the filthy infidels, and therefore it was OK to trick them.

One day I received a visit from a young Muslim man who told me he wanted to marry DBA and asked me to help him convince her to convert to Islam. After much planning, I found out that this girls best friend was a religious Muslim. But she still considered the Christian girl her sister and I was disturbed by this. So I paid a visit to the Muslim girl and talked to her about the corrupt beliefs of Christianity and reminded her of what Allah says in the Quran (Jews and Christians wont accept you until you follow their religion) and also (Ye believers do not take Jews and Christians as friends and those who befriend them are from them, as Allah does not show the right path to the unjust). I told her that jihad against them is the duty of every Muslim and she should contribute to the victory of Islam. The Muslim girl was convinced that I was right and asked what was required of her. I told her not to show hatred toward her Christian friend, but to treat her as usual and even try to strengthen their friendship and follow all of my instructions.

I then went to a Muslim pharmacist who is a member of our association and asked him for a drug to induce hallucinations. I told him why I needed the drug. He told me he wanted to contribute to the victory of Islam and therefore he agreed to provide it. I then gave the drug to the Muslim girl and told her to dissolve two tablets in a glass of milk and give it to DBA to drink, and then call us as soon as she noticed any changes in the girl.

The Muslim girl called us as soon as DBA started to hallucinate and lose control in her apartment. When my friend and I arrived, we had a camera and a video recorder. We started joking with DBA and she was responding, not realizing what we were doing until my friend managed to strip her of her clothes and took her to the bedroom.

I recorded everything on video and took pictures for about three hours. When DBA came around, she realized what had happened and started screaming and crying. She insulted us, Islam and the prophet of Islam, and tried to tear up the Quran, which was with her girlfriend. I showed her the video tape and the photos and threatened to make copies and distribute them to her family, as well as to other Christian families. I reminded her that she would be humiliated by the scandal. She cried and fell to the ground kissing our shoes pleading with us not to do this, but we insisted that she had to do whatever we told her to do, as she knew her brothers and relatives might even kill her if they were to see that video.

She gave in. Her tears and desperation made me ecstatic. Over the next few weeks, she accompanied us to the association where she was brainwashed by the sheikhs. She could not argue with anything they said. She was miserable and never stopped crying.

We taught her what to say before it was time for her to go the police department. She followed our instructions when she was interviewed by the police. And when a police officer asked her why she wanted to convert to Islam she said that the Prophet Mohamed came to her in a dream and greeted her with the Islamic greeting calling her Aisha. Jesus was also in the dream, greeted her with the Islamic greeting and denounced all Christians saying there is no God but Allah. She said that Jesus told her that he is Allahs slave and prophet and Mohamed is Allahs prophet. Then, she said, Jesus kissed Mohameds head and asked her to repeat after him Allahs words from the Quran (those who believe in any other religion but Islam, Allah will not accept it from them in the end, and they will be losers).

She not only said this in front of the police officers, but also to her family members and the priests who came to visit her. Her reactions during these visits, which were called counseling sessions, were staged by us and agreed on by the police before the meeting. It was all a fraud and though she was visited by different priests, she could only tell them what we had coached her to say.

After all the legal procedures were completed, we got her new ID and new Islamic name: Aisha Abdalla Elmahdy. We had achieved our plan and the Muslim man, Yasser, a Mujahid, got the girl he desired along with his financial reward, which was quite hefty because she was from a prominent Christian family. I received 25% of his share, plus my share of the amount I paid to the collaborating persons involved.

Aishas family was dishonored and humiliated as expected. As a result, her mother sold her pharmacy and her father sold his clinic. They moved to a place where they could disappear away in the crowd in order to flee the scandal.

So Aisha married Yasser and lived as an outcast, because she was despised by her in-laws. She was married for two months when Yasser said he had enough of her and did not want to keep her anymore. He divorced her and threw her out into the street.

Since she was our sister in Islam and cannot be homeless, I took her to the association where she lived and worked as a maid, cleaning the clinic for her food and board. She stayed there for three months until she was legally allowed to re-marry. The groom to be was a Muslim who knew her story. He was a coolie and was already married with six children. During the day, he labored in the maintenance workshops of the governorate administration. Aisha did not want to marry him and begged us not to allow her to go through with it. We ignored her, and she was forced to marry a man she did not like.

She lived in misery. She worked as a maid to clean homes and sold vegetables in order to feed her husband and his children. It was impossible to imagine that she was once a girl from a wealthy family of physicians and a college student. Her life was ruined. Her second husband divorced her after five months. Since she had been married twice she did not re-marry and because many had found out about the video tapes and photos taken of her when she was drugged, she was considered unclean. She became homeless and had to spend the night in emergency camps where she lived in sub-human conditions. As she hit bottom she cried: God have mercy on me. God showed mercy and answered her prayer.

During the time she was homeless, I became a Christian was looking for the girls I tricked into converting to Islam. I found out what had become of her and went to visit her with my wife who had returned to the church. My wife and I offered to take care of her in our home. We sought to inform her parents about her situation, so I sent a relative of my wife together with a priest who talked to them. They all cried at the news and expressed their desire to see her. The family reunion was arranged in one of the churches in Cairo. It was an impressive reunion. Though I expected the parents to chastise her, they didnt and were happy to see her.

As her family hugged and kissed her, I was so touched by the love I saw that I wondered why we were hurting Christians the way we did. I have always despised the smiles they had on their faces when we criticized, hurt or humiliated them. I used to tell myself that they were smiles of malice because they were a minority and could not stand up to us Muslims. Now I know the reason for their smiles. It is their love, forgiveness and tolerance toward their enemies. It is the Christian characteristic of making peace.

After DBA met her family, she went back home with them and they welcomed her with love and kindness as the scripture says in the story about the prodigal son. Her mother bought her beautiful clothes and her father bought her jewelry. They celebrated her coming home and repeated the words of the Bible (Our daughter was dead and now is alive and was lost and is now found).

A request was submitted to the Clerical Council to endorse her return to Christianity, which was approved. A Christian lawyer volunteered to petition the court to give her back her Christian name and identity card. The court ruled in her favor. She now lives in France where she serves in the Coptic Church with her husband and daughter.
BGM lived in the countryside and attended college. She suffered from the recurrent problem of ruthless parents. She was very delicate, small, frail and very naïve. She used to commute daily to and from her college in a microbus and usually sat at the front seat next to the driver. I saw her and was mesmerized by her delicate, baby-like features. I inquired about her from the driver whose name was Ali Al Sawy and he informed me that she was a college student and always rode with him to college. Ali was a secular Muslim, but I managed to turn him into a religious one. I talked to him about our jihad against Christians convinced him to take part in this jihad against infidels. I used a plan, which was very common then and is still widely used. I bought some Christian booklets and pictures and told Ali to pretend that he was a Christian. Every time the girl rode with him, he would give her a booklet or a picture as she got off his bus.

This helped the girl to become acquainted with Ali, who told her that his name was Simone. They became friends. Ali waited for her daily and drove her back to the village. He would take her wherever she wanted to go. Then they started going out together for walks in the public park. Ali played Christian audio tapes when BGM was alone with him in the car. As their friendship grew, BGM started to pour out her heart to him about the harshness of her father.

Ali and BGM continued to meet like this for seven months, until she was ready for the next step. Then he asked her to run away to one of the monasteries where they could then get married and she said yes. I asked him to drive her home at a time when nobody was there so that she could pack all her things she was so naïve that she even took her Bible with her and we went to the house of a Muslim family where she received our surprise. We told her that it was impossible for her to go back home because by now her family would have discovered that she eloped and if her father saw her he would kill her. We told her that there was no way out of this and that she had to wear a hijab and take on the Muslim name Zeinab.

She cried and begged us not to force her to do this, but we did not listen to her pleas and told her if she wished to go back home she could, but we would not be responsible if her father killed her.

She was frightened. She cried, screamed, and appeared to be in shock. It was not a problem for us, as the drugs we used on girls such situations, would always pacify them.

BGM said she did not want to go back home, as she was scared she would be killed. We kept her in an apartment for about a month. At that time, she sat with Sheikh Ibrahim, Mrs. Hana and Mrs. Lamia. For three hours a day, they lectured her on Islam and told her negative things about Christianity.

When it came time to take her to the Security Division Headquarters, she was mentally prepared to deny her Christian faith and refuse seeing her father. She met with a priest who talked to her for one and a half hours, but all she would say was May God lead you to the right path as he did me. She kept repeating this until the priest told her that he was willing to listen to her if she could convince him about Islam. But she would not say anything more.

BGM married Ali El Sawy and lived with him in misery as he was a sadistic pervert who beat her used her private parts to smother his cigarettes. She was depressed and in tears, which provoked him to torture her more. He had already received his financial reward for her conversion, and I got my share.

After 53 days of marriage, he divorced her. She lost her career, her dignity and her family. She went to work in a Muslim dormitory for girls where she cleaned and cooked in exchange for a place to live. She was there for four months, when she got married and divorced again. She had been homeless for over a year. She eventually returned to Christianity and is now married and lives in Sydney.

 
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Re: I Left Islam

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February 20 2009, 5:03 AM 

Why I don't Emulate Islam's Prophet Anymore



First of all, is it necessary to say something about me? I dont like to remember my bitter past when I was a prestigious Muslim.
Like any typical ignorant Muslim, I was very much Islam-oriented. ... A man who couldnt tolerate any brickbat on his beliefs and learned to be suspicious and prejudicial on critics and criticism. . I suspended all allegations brought by critics with much contempt and disdain. I too believed Islams prophet is a man of exalted morals, I am taught to live like him, to love him., to walk on this earth like he did. All those were acceptable until I learned to doubt and began to look upon things differently.

I learned history from an Islamic perspective, but after the completion, a simple thought provoked me to see, how could this same story be if I rewrite it in a lost pagans perspective?
I think it was the beginning of my enlightenment. I refused to play the part of a victim any more and a lot of courage was needed for the purpose.

I dont exactly remember what wrote doubt in my mind. May be it is Lord Buddha and his teachings or a glance at Jesus and his sufferings.

I learned look unto my own inner self through Buddha. Then quite shockingly I realized my beloved prophet is a misfit. He failed to show me anything other than the dark side of human nature.
Those who trumpet the greatness of Islams prophet have a responsibility to prove it by referring him and his life. Is there any lesson of mercy in Islams prophet that can be compared with what Jesus showed to his executioners even in excruciating pain of crucifixion? Where is the moral of renunciation in him when we have Lord Buddha as a role model of ultimate renunciation?
Muslims are quite eloquent on familial values and keen to find fault with others especially west. I challenge any Muslim to show me any virtue in their prophets familial life that can be blindly followed!
I left this prophet and his teachings, but this is not a praiseworthy act, when in fact I should be ashamed of being a part of this cult at least for quite some period of my life in the past. A repentance and apology is due. So let me try my best. I will be an active member of this forum and contribute what I can to end this stupidity.

I dedicate this testimony to the whole of suffering humanity; I dedicate this to those innocent kids massacred in Beslan. Shame on you Muslim, you still taste their blood sweet.!

Divyan

 
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Re: I Left Islam

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February 20 2009, 5:05 AM 

Islam Was My Nightmare

By Jutta

2005/04/26

I was born to a very pious Catholic family in Berlin . Nothing presaged that I would become a Muslim one day. On the contrary, everyone expected me to be a faithful Catholic throughout my life and pass down my faith to my children.

However, I had a very rebellious character and, like many adolescents, abominated everything my parents liked. I set a goal for myself to find a liberating religion different from that of my parents. I was convinced that nothing could be worse than Christianity with its oppressive teachings on women.

The religious atmosphere in my family was getting on my nerves. I was having heated arguments with my parents all the time because of my disagreement with some Christian teachings. They pressed me to be a better Christian; I rebelled and did the opposite.

Soon after my graduation from university, I met a young Muslim man of Turkish origin. We fell in love and soon got married. He was not a religious fanatic - he was absolutely secular, although he did observe some Islamic obligations (he fasted and prayed). He didnt ask me to convert to his religion but he made it clear that he would like his children to be Muslims. I myself took great interest in his religion and customs. I expressed willingness to learn more about Islam.

He brought me some deceptive (as I know understand) books about the glory of Islam and benefits of being a Muslim woman. I read the books and grasped the beauty of this religion.

I was taught by my Christian parents that a woman had to submit to her husband and thus find God. My Muslim husband seemed to be so close to God without any help from priests and I was told that I didnt have to get married and submit to my husband to find peace of mind and faith in God. I looked at my husband and blindly believed all those lies because he was such a nice man who was the living example of a decent Muslim man. When I prayed behind him, I felt I was getting closer to God and Heaven.

Looking back on those days, I see that I was just a stupid kid who drummed into herself that Islam was an ideal religion for all humankind. Perhaps I simply wanted to vex my pious parents whom I considered to be repressive monsters.

After I had converted, I was given some other books that were not as wonderful as previous ones. I learnt that I could be beaten by my husband, if he wasnt satisfied with me. But in my addled mind I tried to find justifications for that commandment. Moreover, I was sure that my husband was incapable of hitting a woman.

I gave birth to our children who were sent to a kind of a kindergarten for Muslim children. I kept on working and didnt want to give up my job. My husband supported me and told me that Islam actually encouraged women to work and have their own lives. I cant understand how I could believe such downright lies.

A few years later he decided to perform Hajj. I was very excited and proud of him because, in fact, I was much more religious than my secular husband.

When he came back, I couldnt recognize him. His behaviour changed dramatically and he was not longer secular. I didnt like wearing a veil and usually put it on only when I went to mosque. Now my husband told me that I had to wear a veil outside all the time. When I opened my mouth to object to such horrible behaviour of his, he hit me on the face and told me to shut up. I was forced to quit my job and become a housewife.

He brought some books from Saudi Arabia which reformed him and saved him from perishing in Hell. I read those books on Islam, real Islam that my husband started to practice. Suddenly the scales fell from my eyes and I realized that I had never been a Muslim. But it was too late, as we were moving to Turkey . He feared that Germany would have an adverse effect on our childrens upbringing.

My life in rural Turkey , with his parents, was a nightmare. I was no longer a liberated Muslimah, a wife of a liberal Muslim; I was a real Muslimah, just a commodity of my husband.

I used to enjoy praying but now I started to detest prayers led by my husband. I no longer felt close to God. When I finished reading a real, not spurious, biography of the prophet, I felt sick. I had been lied to all the time. How could I believe that Muhammad was the prophet of God?

I wondered what had happened to my husband. He told he had had conversations with fellow Muslims from moral countries like Saudi Arabia and they had opened his eyes. I put the blame for my husbands change of behaviour on them but then it occurred to me that he had always been a Muslim, although a secular one. What could I possibly expect from him? I had read dozens articles about women married to Muslims and their hardship. I had been warned by my best friends that I was playing with fire. But my unreasonable hatred for Christianity, love for husband and blatant lies deceived me and made me immune to reason and logic.

After such a rude awakening to the horrors of Islam and its treatment of women, I decided to review the Quran. My first feeling was anger at my blindness to reality. It is apparent from the Quran that men are given total control over women. The Holy book abounds with discriminatory teachings on women, which are quite obvious from the context of the book. Only a blind woman in love like me could overlook them.

When my husband realized that I was no longer a docile wife and a pious Muslimah, he became a real savage. He showed his true colours and exclaimed that German whores could never become modest women.

Even his ultra-conservative parents and friends could not understand what had happened to my husband. Nobody expected him to change so greatly. Occasionally he dropped some vague hints from which followed that he had spoken to sheikhs, introduced to him by his friends, who were well-informed about Islam. They explained to him that the majority of Muslims didnt follow the whole Islam; they just chose peaceful and beautiful parts but forgot about violent ones. You have to love your wife but remember to hit her from time to time or she will forget that she is just a woman made for your enjoyment. You ought to treat the infidels well, if it benefits you, but dont forget that your main obligation is to overthrow their government and impose the Shariah.

I couldn't believe that my humble hubby was now a faithful Wahabbi. I hoped I was asleep but I was not.

I managed to run away and get to the German embassy. My conversation with a female worker was another eye-opener she asked me, When will you learn to listen to the news, stupid hens? She meant that all women knew that dating a Muslim, let alone marring to him was a dangerous affair, yet we didnt pay attention to all the warnings. Why do we keep on dating them?

Luckily, my children are with me, thanks to good lawyers. I am working and enjoying my life. But it could have been different. In that case, I could only blame myself for my stupidity.



The above story proves the point that the so called moderate Muslims can become extremists overnight. As long as one believes that Muhammad was a prophet of God, he is at risk of becoming a terrorist in a heartbeat.

It is a mistake to separate Muslims into "moderate" Muslims and extremist Muslims. They are all Muslims. All of them belong to the terrorist faith of Islam. Their only difference is in the degree of their devotion. At any time, a moderate Muslim can increase his faith and become a monster.

Islam must be denounced and banned.

Ali Sina

 
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Re: I Left Islam

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February 20 2009, 5:09 AM 

Good-bye to Islam!

Never a Dhimmi

After reading so may testimonials about those who have left Islam on this and other websites I decided to describe for others how I became interested in Islam but eventually became disillusioned and left. First I should let you know I am an American and was raised in a secular family. I was raised on scientific rationalism and never had any formal religious background.

When I was a teen I attended a catholic high school (only for one year) and was required to read the New Testament. It was at this point that I became fascinated with religion and spirituality. For me, coming from an agnostic background where religion was generally ignored, the New Testament was an inspiration and deeply moving. I never bought into the simplistic aspects of Christianity, the creation of the world in seven days, Adam and Eve, etc. but was drawn by the message of love, ethics and a sense of purpose for this worldly existence. Interest in Christianity and religion in general led me to investigate other religions and spiritual paths: Buddhism, Hinduism, Zen, Taoism, Zoroastrianism, Native American spirituality, and ancient Greek and Roman philosophy. I became a voracious reader of ancient religious and spiritual scriptures of various different cultures. Eventually I came across Islamic mysticism (Sufism). I read all the books I could find on the topic and was particularly impressed with the works of Idries Shah

Sufism seemed to me to be the most sensible and relevant form of spirituality for modern society. It appealed to my disdain of organized religion and meaningless rituals, it stressed one should be in the world but not of the world and the ultimate goal is not a location or reward, i.e. Heaven but a reality: spiritual knowledge and enlightenment. Sufism did not appear to be at odds with modern science and did not demand that one reject sensible theories such as evolution and physics. Sufism in fact, was presented as a science itself (tasawwuf). Sufism was described as the inner meaning of Islam, the interior kernel, which was protected by an exterior shell, composed of the formal laws and doctrine of Islam. Islamic poetry, particularly Persian, was shown to be a vehicle in which Sufi mystics hid spiritual knowledge in the worldly praise of love and pleasure. The Quran was alleged to contain seven layers of understanding, each one more sublime, which would become apparent as one progressed in spiritual understanding. For me Sufism legitimized Islam.

The first time I read the Quran in translation I was disappointed, as it seemed to lack the inspirational message of other religious scriptures. I contented myself with the fact that I would probably need to read it in the original Arabic to obtain its spiritual message. I undertook the daunting task of learning classical Arabic. I studied Arabic for four years and Ill admit I never became fluent in speaking the language but I was able to read it (with some difficulty and the constant need of a dictionary!).

Shortly before the first Gulf war I was offered a job in Saudi Arabia. I had recently graduated from college and felt this would be an excellent opportunity to really learn Arabic fluently. I was told it would be best if I became a Muslim to accept the position since the family that owned the company lived in Mecca and if I didnt become a Muslim I would have to find a place to live in Jeddah. To me it seemed a mere formality so I said I would become Muslim. Fortunately, as it would turn out, I was unable to take this job because of the war.

Though I didnt get the chance to work in Saudi Arabia, I became increasingly interested in traditional Islam and decided to investigate a local mosque close to where I lived. I went there several months to study the Quran in Arabic and it was here that I first came across aspects of Islam, which really troubled me. The members of the Mosque seemed genuinely delighted that an American would be interested in Islam and were very welcoming but they were less than enthusiastic about American culture. My interest was to learn more about the Quran but instead I ended up listening to sermons, which seemed to be primarily concerned with politics and condemnation of perceived Western values. Though most of the Moslems at this mosque were not Arabs they seemed to be obsessed with the Israeli-Palestinian issue and yet I never heard them mention anything about injustices done to Moslems by other fellow Muslims such as the massacre of the Kurds in Iraq, civil war in Afghanistan or the slaughter of thousands of Algerians by extremists. It was also there that I first heard such alarming ideas as the consequences for apostasy and various other enlightened aspects of the sharia. These ideas seemed rather cult like. I found no spirituality in the company of traditional Moslems. Eventually I decided to leave and never returned.

I still did not make the connection that this was what Islam was really all about because I rationalized that the inner message of Islam was about spiritual knowledge and these people were obsessed with the outward forms of religion, not its true message. I began to read the Hadith and the biography of the Prophet (Sirat-un-Nabi) to gain a better understanding of Islams message and to weigh it against the values I understood from the perspective of Sufism. It was at this point that I began to have my doubts about the spirituality of the Prophet Muhammad. The commandments of the Quran and Hadith seemed to advocate a brutal, inflexible ethics lacking in any redeeming values. The biography of Muhammad was filled with examples of violence and questionable deeds for one who was supposedly guided by a God of love and peace. The biography put into context many of the Suras of the Quran and left the impression of a revelation whose purpose was to explain and justify Muhammads worldly deeds. The requirements for everyday conduct seemed to be more of a burden than a guide for a meaningful life. What is the true spiritual meaning of wiping the top of your feet before you pray? Or the prohibition of wearing silk! Will your prayer from the heart not be accepted because you didnt perform a proper Wudu? Why is Islam against adoption? Is it a religious duty to hate and kill Jews and unbelievers? And always, the primitive threat of Hell! Even the reward for a righteous life seemed to lack any spiritual grace and refinement. Essentially an eternal cosmic orgy!

I didnt reject Islam outright; rather, I slowly drifted away from it as the realities became more and more unsavory. Increasingly I distanced myself from the rigid views and doctrines espoused by Islam and tried to associate with the more benign views of the religion, which I felt was its true meaning. I clung to ideas such as the true jihad in Islam is against ones lower nature, and there is no compunction in religion, which allowed me to rationalize the notion that most Muslims in the world were simply not following the real Islam. In fact it was I who was not following it!

I still believed that there were decent moderate Moslems although I was always surprised that they were nowhere to be found or heard from after any of the increasingly common Islamic atrocities were committed around the world. Although most Moslems in the US stress that the actions of a few extremists do not define the religion, I could see that almost the entire Islamic world took great delight in the WTC tragedy. If there was ever a time for the real Islam to show itself and denounce the perversion of its true teachings it was after this event. Instead Muslims seemed to rationalize that it was justified because of all the terrible things America is doing to the Muslim world (probably much worse than what the Mongols did!) or they concocted fanciful conspiracy theories about how the Israelis carried out the attacks to discredit Islam. I was stunned and appalled at the primitive stupidity and barbarity of the Islamic worlds reaction to this outrage. Only Iranian people seemed to show any sympathy to the victims and Im sure it was mainly those who are fed up with Islam. I found myself making excuses to others that this was not what Islam really teaches but it began to sound less and less convincing. I became aware that my life was based on contradictions. On the one hand my sense of right and wrong were based on my upbringing and the society that had raised me, yet the Islamic faith that I had embraced appeared to be the antithesis of these values. After 9/11 I realized that I just couldnt make excuses for the outrages being committed in the name of Islam. The religion itself is fatally flawed. How could one have any affiliation whatsoever with such a doctrine?

For years now the books were gathering dust in the garage, as I have lost all outward affiliation and interest in Islam. I guess I just became a bad Muslim. The final break for me was the sight of slaughtered school children in the recent tragedy in Beslan, Russia carried out by Islamic freedom fighters. I grabbed my Yusuf Ali Quran, along with several other books about Fiqh, prayer, Muhammads life, etc., took them out back and shot them full of holes. I then tossed the tattered remnants into the barbeque and watched them burn to ashes. I felt a great sense of freedom and a final purge from this barbaric creed as the pages and words twisted and disappeared in the flames!

There may be a spiritual reality in Sufism but if there is it was not derived from Islam or Muhammad. Islam teaches that the good that comes to you is from God and the bad is from yourself (I wonder what the children of Beslan did to earn their punishment?) I think it would be more appropriate to say that any good in the Islamic world comes from somewhere else and the bad is all from Islam!

I would conclude by saying that Im very fortunate to live in a country, which allows people the freedom to believe or not believe in any religion they choose. I have the utmost respect for those who live in the tyranny of Islamic countries and decide to think for themselves and live by their conscience, often with the consequences of great personal hardships and danger to their lives. To all such people everywhere I look forward to the day when you can live your lives in freedom and peace.

Best Regards...

 
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Anonymous
(Login Dane_B)

Re: I Left Islam

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March 2 2009, 5:44 AM 

Zvek are you adopted child of two men? You look like one tranvestite bastard bitch.

 
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