I've just put my favorites for the cast on a website. I really think they would all match (no more parodies in there):
http://home.arcor.de/berzelmayr/cast.html
and here's the movieposter (sorry for the stolen pics):
and I rewrote parts of the summary (new ending
Inside a big Roman forge, we see several armourers working on helmets, swords, daggers, etc. Titles are faded in and out.
The movie fades from a helmet of this forge to one that belongs to a Roman horseman. Arminius and Flavus lead a troop of Cheruscian riders, the Germanic auxiliary of the Roman army under Tiberius' command. They got severe problems to defeat the rebels in Pannonia and Arminius learns how vulnerable the Legions are, if they have to face certain conditions. Arminius himself fights very bravely and Tiberius (John Turturro) rewards him for that. The main part of this war is over after the summer of 8 AD and so they allow Arminius to return to his homeland, where some family business awaits him.
Next stage: we watch the Legionary camp fortress in the morning light. It's time for the soldiers to wake up and leave their barracks. The camera moves over the faces of a contubernium fimi, the smallest unit of the 18th Legion. You get to know them a bit, before their Centurio Marcus Caelius (Martin Sheen) tells them that the new governor Varus, just appointed in the last year, arrives at the following afternoon. Some new recruits come with him, one of them is going to complete their contubernium. We see the Legion in formation a few hours later, greeting the governor. The 19 years old Marcus Aius (Elijah Wood) from Volaterrae becomes the eight man of our contubernium. His new comrades don't seem to be very pleased by his presence. Only Ambrosius (Jack Black), who's also from Etruria, welcomes him (he's in fact secretly attracted to Aius, but he cares a lot that nobody including Aius is going to recognise it).
Months of hard drill follow (similar like in "Full Metal Jacket", here it is Encratis (Steve Buscemi), who's got some problems with the tough training). In the background we see Arminius and Flavus saying good bye to Marcus Caelius and other officers, because they are going to return to their people for the next months. They are riding to the estate of their father Sigimer (Rutger Hauer), who's seriously ill. They meet Ingomer (Viggo Mortensen), a younger brother of their father, who informs them about the latest events in Germania Magna. Other important Cheruscians like Dagameraz (Stellan Skarsgård), Gudameraz (Paul Bettany), Gudafrith (William Fichtner) and Hildirikaz (Casper van Dien) are also there to greet the two brothers. They enter the house of their father and have a bit of small talk. Sigimer, who was never a real friend of the Romans, reveals himself after some time. He says that he only send them to Rome, because he wanted them to learn how the Roman occupants in Germania could be defeated. Flavus is totally shocked by that and gets angry, as he already considers himself more a Roman than a Germanic, but Arminius holds his emotions back and listens to his father, when the old man explains his ambitions plans: Arminius is ought to achieve the same thing as king Marbod in Bohemia. That means unifying several tribes to build a kingdom with Arminius as their ruler. Flavus cannot accept this and leaves his father's house, never to return. Arminius runs after his brother, since he's afraid that Flavus would tell the Romans all about these plans, but Flavus promises to shut up, although it would be his duty to report this. Flavus reads in his brother's eyes that Sigimer's plan has already infected him.
Some months later: the soldiers of our contubernium build a street and a young Germanic woman, named Franka (Franka Potente), aids them by bringing some food and fresh water. Ambrosius tells Aius that she's the girlfriend of Liberalis (Carlos Bernard). Arminius rides in the meanwhile to Segestes' court (Jürgen Prochnow), his biggest rival. Their conversation ends in a heavy argument about marrying Segestes' daughter Thusnelda. Arminius needs the support of his buddies Dagameraz, Gudameraz and Gudafrith to get out of there, before Segestes and his men are able to kill him.
Arminius and his comrades sit together at a camp fire and discuss what to do next. Another rider appears to tell Arminius that his father Sigimer became so sick that he's going to die soon. They rush to Sigimer's court, where the old Cheruscian prince lies in his bed, barely able to talk. He wants his son Arminius to promise him that he's going to fulfil his plans. Sigimer also wants Arminius to fight the Romans to get some revenge for Roman attacks in the Cheruscian territory two decades ago. Ingomer has his doubts that the Germanic tribes can be unified due to their mentality, which cares a lot for tribal identity, while at the same they don't really want to see the similarity between them and other Germanics. Arminius finally swears that he will do what his father wants and the old Cheruscian aristocrat dies in peace.
The princes of the Chatti, Marsi, Bructeri and Amsivarii meet Arminius, Ingomer and the other Cheruscian conspirators at a secret place and listen to his arguments. The discussion is already in the run, when another Germanic leader arrives with his bodyguards, it is Marbod (Kenneth Branagh), the King of the Marcomanni. The others look at him with some jealousy, since his appearance is a lot wealthier than theirs. While the others seem to be impressed by Arminius' argument, believing that he can really defeat the Romans, Marbod doesn't want to join them. He says the Romans have his word that he won't attack them and a hot debate starts over the question, which side would actually be the more cowardice one. Arminius promises Marbod that he's going to send him Varus' head, but the ruler of the Marcomanni leaves the stage, while the other princes tend to be on Arminius side.
Spring of 9 AD: Varus marches with three legions and several auxiliary troops to the riverside of the Weser (Visurgis). The governor demonstrates the power of the Roman empire by holding trials and deciding the appropriate amount of taxes the Germanics have to pay. Both aspects are not really welcomed by the native people of this land. Arminius is nearly always by his side, pretending to be his friend and honest counsellor. Segestes appears, trying his best to convince Varus that Arminius has actually become a traitor, but Varus doesn't want to buy it. He thinks that Segestes only wants to get rid of his rival.
The Legionaries and the Germanics come together at a party in the evening. There's a lot of drinking and gambling (where Aius is able get a new kind of armor, a lorica segmentata, through playing well at dice). An argument between Belletor (Trent Reznor) and a member of the Germanic auxiliary (Lars Ulrich) turns into a severe fight. The Germanic kills Belletor in the end and gets arrested. He's brought to Varus and charged with murder, though he was actually less guilty than his antagonist. Varus sentences him to death. The crucifixion of the Germanic makes his comrades very angry, but they try to hide their feelings, so that Varus is still feeling safe.
The contubernium burry Belletor, their dead comrade, and talk about the situation, but none of them can imagine what is going to happen in a few days as the sheer number of well trained and heavy armoured legionaries gives them a comfortable feeling. Liberalis uses his spare time to meet his girlfriend Franka again, who like many women and children accompanies the troops. They look forward to return to Aliso, because it's already September and their mission in the Germanic heartland is now complete.
Varus leads his three legions, the auxiliary, the supplies and the numerous civilians (including Franka) into the South-West, leaving the riverside of the Weser behind them. They have been marching several miles on easy ground, when Arminius and his troop of Cheruscian riders appear unexpectedly to tell Varus that the Amsivarii in the North became rebellious and that these people might destroy many settlements at the coastal region, if no one stops them now. This is only a lie, but Varus can't recognize it and so he agrees with Arminius that the Cheruscians should go there first to challenge the presumed enemy. He will follow them into the north at the next morning.
So the big marching column begins to move again after they saw the sun rising. The soldiers are not too worried, as they think the whole trouble will be already solved by Arminius' warriors, when they arrive in the north. But they soon discover that their new path is a much more difficult one. They have to march through a rough, hilly and wild countryside that is full of dark forests and swamps. A heavy storm comes up, this and a lot of rain add to all the other obstacles on this path. The camera shows us Germanic warriors hiding and waiting for a sign to attack.
The soldiers of the Roman army are already quite nervous, when some deer suddenly break through the woods. A Syrian archer wants to show his comrades how skilful he is and shots one of the animals. Germanic auxiliary soldiers go to him and one of them (James Hetfield) asks the archer, why he killed the deer, if he doesn't want to eat it. The Germanic soldier draws his sword and stabs the confused archer. The other Germanics do the same with great brutality. This sudden attack is a sign for the hiding warriors to come up and show themselves. A vast number of spears and arrows hit the surprised Romans and the loyal rest of their auxiliary. Having already killed a big number of enemies, the Germanics retreat and vanish again into the deep woods, where the Romans don't want to follow them.
Some horsemen are riding as fast as they can to Varus, reporting what has just happened several miles behind him. The shocked governor asks the experienced centurio Caelius for advice. They decide to stop at a near hill to build a camp, cause it's already quite late and the Legionaries are tiered, burning a lot of unneeded baggage.
The ambush attacks start again at the following day and our contubernium has to face their first confrontation with the enemy. Gallio (Rufus Sewell) and Fimus (Tobias Moretti), die in these fights. We then see the civilian marching column, where Franka is trying her best to survive in this chaotic situation. The second day is nearly over and the exhausted Romans are going to rest in a another provisional camp. Varus has to realise that Arminius betrayed him. He knows that he will maybe never get out of here alive. Meanwhile, Arminius and the Cheruscian staff discuss what should happen tomorrow. Arminius decides that it shall all end in a big battle during the late afternoon.
At the next morning, the Romans try to concentrate their forces one more time, but the morale is not that good anymore. Centurio Caelius, Grumio (Stanley Tucci) his second in command and the standard bearer Facilis (Jean-Marc Barr) do their best to invoke their fighting spirit. Now they prepare themselves for the last battle. Arminius appears at the Germanic side of the battlefield and holds a speech to his men. His army became bigger, because other Germanic tribes have heard about how successful Arminius' actions were so far.
The remaining troops of Varus army are attacking the enemy and they fight better than one could expect. But the combat is decided by the Germanic cavalry, who suddenly attacks the right flank of the Romans. Ambrosius is seriously wounded, while Aius is knocked out by the kick of an enemy horse. The Roman cavalry tries to break through and escape, but most of them don't get very far. The wounded Varus and other high ranking officers recognise that everything is lost and so they commit suicide (what Varus own father also did). Most of the Legionaries like Liberalis and Cico (Benoît Magimel) don't survive the battle, the Centurio Caelius and his second in command aren't luckier either. The standard bearer takes the eagle with him to run into a near swamp, so that no enemy is able to rob it. Some Romans try to flee at the end, but almost anyone is killed by arrows and spears, before they make it into a forest, only Encratis is able to run away and hide in the woods.
Two hours later: Aius awakens, when Encratis, who returned to see, if someone is still alive, shakes him up. Aius realises that he is surrounded by hundreds of dead soldiers. Encratis has a mule by his side and says they should now leave this place, before the Germanics return to look for valuables (he himself has already taken a big amount of money from the dead hands of the paymaster). But Aius isn't sure that all of his comrades are dead. He calls their names; shortly before they finally decide to go, they hear Ambrosius' voice. He got a bad wound, but they help him and get him on the mule. They want to leave this awful place, when they hear another voice, it's Franka, looking for her boyfriend Liberalis until she finds his dead body. They discuss what to do - Encratis doesn't want to take her with them, but Aius speaks for her, because she's more one of them and not at all belonging to the Germanic attackers. She says that she wants to go the west side of the Rhine, where she has relatives. They decide to reach Aliso, although they are not sure, whether the fortress hasn't been taken in the meantime. They follow a path through the woods, more than 50 miles away from Aliso. The legionaries leave their helmets and armour only to keep their swords. They are now also wearing Germanic shirts and furs, taken from the dead Barbarians on the battlefield, to disguise their Roman identity.
On their journey they encounter a bear, but it doesn't really want to attack them. They are very hungry and there is nothing to eat in the bags of the mule, when they discover a lonely farm in he dawn about 250 yards ahead. Aius is happy and tells his comrade Ambrosius what they have just seen, only to find out that he's already dead. The remaining three refugees bury their buddy with great sorrow.
Aius, Enctratis and Franka sneak up to the farm to get some food, but the awkward Encratis produces too much noise and the old Germanic farmer (Peter Stormare) wakes up. He and his son (Cameron Douglas) confront the intruders, before they are able to leave. Both sides have drawn their swords or other weapons. But the situation calms down and the farmer allows them to get something to eat and rest for a while. They all sit down and he tells them his life story. He was once an auxiliary soldier, serving in Egypt, Syria, where he met his Jewish wife, and later also in Germania. But he then killed an superior officer, who wanted to sleep with his wife. So he had to flee and returned to Germania more than 15 years ago to live at this isolated farm.
A few Chatti-horsemen (Thomas Kretschmann and others), who took part in the Varus-battle come to the farm next morning. These thugs think they can do what they want, especially since the old order broke down. The farmer cannot prevent them from going inside, where our three heroes hide. Unfortunately, they are discovered by the Germanics and a fight begins. The Germanic attackers die in the end, but Encratis is also too heavy wounded to survive. Aius and Franka survive with the help of the farmer and his son. The latter rides with them to the south until they finally see Aliso in the far distance. The young farmer leaves them now, wishing them good luck.
Aius sits under a tree and waits for a while, trying to imagine, what the people in his home country, his family, etc. would think about him, when he returns. He believes that returning and in this case relatively unwounded, would mean he is more of a loser. He gets so desperate that he grabs his sword, attempting to kill himself, but Franka is able to prevent that. Aius recognises that his fortune has not only made him survive as the only member of his legion, he also knows that this woman will share his company for the rest of his life. Together they ride to the gates of Aliso.
The praefectus castrorum of Aliso, Caedicius (Patrice Chéreau), is eager to see them, because he wants to know everything about the lost battle. The only other remainders of that battle, who reached Aliso, were some riders. Caedicius knows that Arminius' forces will probably attack the fortress, but he decides to stay here at least for a while. At the following evening the worries become reality as the Tower guards spot Arminius and his man approaching Aliso to begin with their siege. The Germanics are almost able to conquer the fortress, but the Romans (including Aius) fight them off and Arminius has to retreat his troops. Caedicius knows that his men couldn't defend Aliso, if they were attacked one more time. He lets his men bury the dead soldiers in a hurry, burn down all buildings, so that Arminius can't make use of it, and leave Aliso. They go West, to reach the secure fortress Vetera at the river Rhine. Aius and Franka look back at the burning camp for a last time, before they follow the others.
CAST:
-- The Germanics --
Arminius (16 BC - 21 AD) - Heath Ledger
Sigimer - Rutger Hauer
Ingomer - Viggo Mortensen
Flavus - Charlie Hunnam
Segestes - Jürgen Prochnow
Gudameraz - Paul Bettany
Dagameraz - Stellan Skarsgård
Gudafrith - William Fichtner
Hildirikaz - Casper van Dien
1st Germanic Auxiliary soldiers - Lars Ulrich
2nd Germanic Auxiliary soldiers - James Hetfield
Franka - Franka Potente
Old Germanic farmer - Peter Stormare
The farmer's son - Cameron Douglas
Chatti-horseman - Thomas Kretschmann
Marbod - Kenneth Branagh
-- The Romans --
Varus (46 BC - 9 AD) - Massimo Ghini
Tiberius (42 BC - 37 AD) - John Turturro
Caedicius - Patrice Chéreau
Quintus Varanius Fimus - Tobias Moretti
Gaius Naevius Liberalis - Carlos Bernard
Manius Oranius Gallio - Rufus Sewell
Drusus Salonius Cico - Benoît Magimel
Gnaeus Granius Belletor - Trent Reznor
Lucius Olcinius Ambrosius - Jack Black
Aulus Sestius Encratis - Steve Buscemi
Marcus Aius - Elijah Wood
Marcus Caelius (44 BC - 9 AD) - Martin Sheen
Numerius Pontidius Grumio - Stanley Tucci
Lucius Sergius Facilis - Jean-Marc Barr
