I had a really rough day yesterday....

I hate how sad I am...how depressed I am...how unmotivated I am...how I almost junkie thunked myself into losing hell week...

I got so mad at myself that I went back to that first pack of stinkerettes I ever bought, I think they were like $.35, and why oh why did I ever start this crapola habit...why didn't I listen to my parents?...I can remember poking my head out of my bedroom window at 10 at nite to smoke, I still can't figure out how I got away with that...cause neither of them smoked, and they didn't smell it?...

and it really gets me how strong you are leading up to the quit...how I'm gonna really tackle this habit, lots of strong talk, and then BAM, you are doin' it, but you aren't feelin' that strengh anymore...who the heck was that inside of me that was sayin' I could do this, I was gonna do this, and never look back....well, that goes out the window about a day in, then I'm groveling again...p*ssed that it is messing me up this bad....

When I get this down, I immediately start to isolate myself from the world...and I hate that I do that...and, I'm upset about work cause of my friend retiring, it will never be the same again....and I can't stand my semi-new manager (13th child on the way, due in Sept, we just found out, by accident I might add, he had never breathed a word of it, we had to see it for ourselves) he has 'zero' personality, he is obviously only good at 'one' thing....and, yuck, is all I got to say on that...

I'm snappin' at my Sweetie...so far he has let me get away with it, but that won't last long...

I'm hangin' on by a thread at the moment...but I'm hangin' on...tryin' to keep focused on my first week in tonite...

Sorry to be such a poo-poo, but I HATE FEELING THIS WAY!!!...I never want to go thru this again, so I have to DO THIS!!!...

OK...trying to wind this pity party up...gonna try and do something nice today...






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