[Apologies for the number of riffs I'm attributing to "somebody," but I don't know how much the personalities of the eon, Ice and Mark avatars may differ from those of their originals.]
[Ice note: Not much, dude.]
> Warning: This is not standard Pokemon fanfiction. It contains scenes of violence and some inappropriate language.
>
ICE: So, in other words, it's worth watching? I'll tell you, if the original Pokemon TV show had violence, blood, swearing, and hot Misty/Jesse luvluv, I sure as fuck know I'D watch.
EON: You're a sick bastard, aren't you?
ICE: Yes, and thank you.
[TBS stands up and motions like he's throwing a half-dozen frisbees.]
>*************************************************************************
TBS: Did I mention that I rule at Shinobi?
>
> Pokemon Master
>
> Fanfiction by Ace Sanchez.
>
> All parts of this story may be found at the following address:
> http://www.users.bigpond.net.au/acey/pokemon.htm
>
> Note: Pokemon and its associated characters are copyright by Nintendo,
> Game Freak, Creatures Inc, and 4Kids Productions.
>
EON: Hey, let me try that!
[He does the frisbee motion thing.]
>*************************************************************************
TBS: Ha! You call yourself ninja? You insult my honour!
>
> Part 1 - Returns
TIFF: Because *no* game made prior to '99 will work on Windows 2000.
>
> An icy chill pervaded through the black night;
MARK: Ice, did you leave the door open again?
ICE: If I close the door, the Hentai Fairy might not visit us.
> cold except for the
> unnatural hot wind blowing south with the scent of acrid smoke.
TIFF: So it wasn't all that cold.
MARK: Well, now that you mention it...
> Through the dark starless sky slightly covered by clouds, intermittent
> moonlight
[somebody] <sings>: Intermittent moonlight / Sets the story free / Intermittent moonlight / Baby, you and me...
> shone on to the thick green forest revealing, little by little,
> a snaking trail of destruction.
TBS: But then it reached a ladder and went forward a whole row.
> Burnt and broken tree stumps lay on the
> ravaged path - some still burning with small flickering flames - as well
> as fallen branches and other debris interspaced with giant animalistic
> footprints.
>
[somebody] <sings>: Jurassic Park is fright'ning in the dark / All the dinosaurs are running wild / Someone let T.Rex out of his pen...
MMK <Dave Barry, over intercom>: Y'know, "Giant Animalistic Footprints" would make a good name for a rock band.
> A dark figure wrapped in a long hooded black cloak ran through the
> woodland almost silently, the robe-like mantle's folds flapping gently
> behind like a floating shadow.
ICE: I'm sensing a definate 'black' motif.
MARK: Hey, black's the new black.
ICE: What was wrong with the old black?
MARK: Dude. *So* early 2001.
ICE: Poser.
MARK: Hentai.
>The only sound was the dry vegetation
> softly crunching beneath thick black boots as it followed the trail
> onward.
[somebody]: We have plants on the march.
SAMAS: Oddish! Osh osh!
EON: B'gosh.
> Golden-brown eyes took wide sweeps, observing the desecrated
> area.
TBS: Dude! They desecrated your *area*? Harsh!
> A small, brown backpack was adjusted briefly by a hand as it sped
> up the pace. The quarry was close...
ICE: And he's gonna get *stoned,* yo!
> <><><>
>
>
> Flames crackled and fires burned. The small town settlement lit up the
> night, its modest structures engulfed like the pyres of a bonfire.
EON <Jim McGuffin>: Viewers in Kent have phoned in to report a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps somebody's been celebrating Bonfire Night early...
TBS: It is the fifth of the eleventh, nineteen-ninety-seven.
> Everywhere, screaming and smoke filled the heated air as dozens and
> dozens of people ran,
[somebody] <citizen of Tokyo>: Aaa! It is Godzilla!
> all seeking escape from the terror of attacking
> raiders. Appearing from the south without warning, burning and pillaging
> without mercy, huge, hostile pokemon
[somebody]: It's worse than Godzilla -- it's *Snorlax*!
> assisted their trainers in the
> merciless and violent raid. Totally unprepared for the assault,
> towns-people and their pokemon were cut down and destroyed almost as soon
> as they were called out.
TBS [raider]: Hey, towns-person! I'm calling you out!
SAMAS [towns-person]: You're not going to cut down my pokemon and myself, are you?
TBS [raider]: Hell no! That's a wussy HM move! I'm gonna use Rollout or Psybeam or something!
SAMAS [towns-person]: Oh. All right, then.
> The huge, red two-storey-tall charizard
MARK: Hey! It's Clifford, the Big Red Charrizard!
> took another long breath before
> continuing to spit out a long and melting-hot burst of flame which
> turned the school house into glowing crimson embers.
TBS: Suntop, *no*!
>At the opposite end
> of town, an angry tauros smashed through houses with its dagger-sharp
> bull horns at the direction of its trainer, trampling over possessions
> and structures alike.
[somebody]: And smashing up large amounts of fine china.
> Meanwhile, almost matching it in damage, the
> sharp-bladed, green scythers and the massively-horned pinsirs rampaged
> through the town hall and community buildings. Little by little, the
> attackers slowly advanced towards the supply buildings in the centre of
> the town where the food and water was stored.
>
> Behind a slowly burning house, a young dark-haired girl screamed as a
> grinning male raider grabbed and pinned her against the wall.
ICE: She'll look good next to the monarch butterfly in his collection.
> Nearby, his
> kangaskhan watched in fascination.
>
TBS: Oh, you like to watch, do you?
[TIFFA shoots him a warning look.]
ICE: Hey, I'm ALWAYS up for watching.
> The raider slapped the girl across the mouth hard. "Shut up with the
> screaming, bitch, and take this like a woman!" He began to work his fly
> open and loosen his pants.
>
SAMAS: And this is where it *officially* stops being children's programming. Tuff.
> Suddenly an explosion of pain erupted in the raider's head and the next
> thing he knew was the feel of the rushing air as he was picked up and
> thrown violently away from the girl. The hard dirt ground met his back
> all too abruptly
[somebody] <Seth Brundle>: And we hadn't even been formally introduced.
> and the breath exploded out of his lungs.
>
> "Bastard!" he coughed furiously as he rolled to his feet and opened his
> eyes to see who had dared attack him.
ICE: Dark Schneider? Is that you?
> Several feet away, a tall figure
> wrapped in darkness stood watching him, its silhouette all but invisible
> if it weren't for the background of burning houses and hazy grey smoke
> behind it.
>
> All of a sudden he felt a cold stab of fear enter his heart. There was
> something familiar about this...
TBS [raider]: Hey, this is the same stock fight footage they used last week!
> Then he growled in anger. He was mistaken. This was just a poor fool who
> was trying to be a hero. "Kangaskhan, take him!" He laughed. "Chew his
> bones, nice and slow."
[ICE clicks a stop watch]
ICE: Five minutes in, and we've got gay porn already.
SDR [over intercom]: WOO HOO!
> Already hissing in anger because of the attack to its master, the large
> bipedal pokemon needed no second order. It gave an inhuman snarl and
> extended its sharp, bony claws before leaping towards the shadow.
>
TBS: I just had a horrible thought. Isn't Gryphon also the Shadow?
SAMAS: Look on the bright side -- maybe his pokemon would be the dog.
TBS: Hey, right! YAY, FURY!
> However, a rapid spin kick stopped the charging pokemon's attack, while
> one of its claws was seized and used against it, stabbing into its own
> chest like a knife. The kangaskhan blinked in confusion before toppling
> over, its chest a puddle of oozing dark blood.
>
ICE <Red Mage>: Hello? Party member losing HP over here?
EON <Thief>: I'll heal you... for a price.
MARK <Fighter>: I like swords!
SAMAS <Black Mage>: I hate fighters.
TIFF <White Mage>: We're doomed.
TBS <Black Belt>: [punching] YA!
> "Kangaskhan?" the man said in shock. No man could be strong enough to do
> what the figure had just done. He continued to stare, dumbfounded, before
> a hard booted foot smashed into his jaw and everything went black.