SIG <Vegeta, camply>: Well, I like needlework and fancy embroidery!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
R.JAK <Vegeta, gruffly>: ... and killing things and drinking a lot.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
TBS <Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
EON <Vegeta>: I like to strangle small animals and masterbate.
SAMAS <Aeris>: Okay... now stop that!
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages.
SIG <Vegeta>: ...shouting "Ooga Booga Booga!"
> Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water
SAMAS <Vegeta>: One Dragon Ball dissolved in a lake of water makes around two liters of Dragon Soup.
> where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
EON <robotically>: HISTROY... HISTROY...
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And. that's. all. I. got. to. say. about. that.
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
R.JAK: Because he lacks INCREDIBUL CHEE POWURZ, that's why.
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
EON: Sad thing is, he's got Cloud's character down-pad.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
T.OGRE <Magic Voice>: Commercial sign in five... four... three...
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
SIG: He's in denial...
[OTHERS nod their heads.]
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Whatever the hell that meant... you get the picture.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
TBS: Green-faced poop. I'd get that checked out.
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
R.JAK: Gee. All that hard work of leveling up and fighting bosses, and all I ever had to do was kick them in the fucking nuts. All those wasted hours...
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
ALL: We noticed.
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
TBS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
TBS <Tifa>: Me bouncy!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
SIG <Cid>: And by "him" I mean "his puke"
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents
yet.
SAMAS: Because that would be in character.
T.OGRE: Oh. Right.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's one of *those* fan-fics...
SIG <announcer>: From the producers of "Super Taboo"...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
SIG <Vegita>: ...that you lower your nipples.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Vegeta>: We may have a dissenting opinion, here.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: Things have been pretty hard since Tenchi kicked me out.
<FishNote: I can explain, if you like...>
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
EON <Cloud, thinking>: ...I wonder how I'd look in a bride's maid gown?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE <Tifa>: Damn you! You destroyed it all!
SIG: The part of Tifa will be played by Pedro from Excel Saga.
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
SIG: I'd rather have Jesse Custer...
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: We're gettin' married!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Today!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Matrimony!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: And that's the bottom line!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Cause Vegita said so!
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
SIG: Well, it works in Hollywood...
[ALL snicker.]
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket)
R.JAK: And to think, right now, Kefka is going hungry.
> Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
SIG <Tifa>: I wanna ROCK!
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
EON: If Freiza's so damned powerful, why doesn't he just blast his way out of that bathroom?
T.OGRE: He took a "Doesn't work in toilet water" limiter on all his powers to whore himself a few more points. The fool.
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Steve Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups,
gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
TBS: Isn't that a little inconsiderate? I mean, the catering for the reception will go completely to waste.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
SAMAS: Well, SOMETHING'S busy anyway.
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a
minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
T.OGRE <Cait>: Take my friend, please!
EON: Dude, really you should be taking your WIFE after the wed-- GAH!
[T.OGRE chases EON around the theater]
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
TBS <Cloud>: FOR I AM THE LEGENDARY CLOUD AND YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME FOR I AM SO VERY LEGENDARY INDEED AS I DEFEAT ANYBODY WHO COMES IN MY WAY WHICH IS PROVEN BY THE FACT THAT I AM STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD EVEN THOUGH THE SEPHIROTH FELLOW IS STILL HERE I AM STILL VERY POWERFUL AND VERY LEGENDARY!
EON <Cloud>: And I don't have any evil plans.
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
SIG: But won't it be a bit... stretched?
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
TBS <Tifa>: You're finally going to take a shower? All right!
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Wait, wait, that's not it. I'm supposed to deny it, aren't I? Okay, let's try this again...
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
TBS <Deep voice>: This... is CNN.
EON <Deep voice>: Cloud... I am your father.
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
TBS <Piccolo>: I have something important to say.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: And?
TBS <Piccolo, singing>: ~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~Please don't take me to the pickle farm!~
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Vegeta>: I'm going to Disneyland!
EON <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
SIG <Vegeta>: You can be a flower girl.
EON <Vegeta>: Better yet! Why don't you be the dinner salad?
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
SIG: But isn't he assexual and capable of reproducing on his own and...
R.JAK: Thinking bad. Remeber that.
SIG: Thinking bad.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed
like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: I hope to God it is...
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
R.JAK <Red XIII>: How did you get here?
T.OGRE <Frieza>: It's this little thing called the door handle.
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
SIG <Frieza>: Okay, you got me. I'm actually Zangief in drag.
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
EON <Frieza>: You're mine! You're supposed to marry ME!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean?
With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL <peasants, deadpan>: Yay.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't
Orlandu.
> They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
>
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
>
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
R.JAK: Something's wrong with this character. He's not gratuitously swearing.
T.OGRE: So this is what John Provost did after Lassie.
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: You'll find yourself in another dimension. Not a dimension of sight and sound, but of ideas.
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
SIG: Fortunately, it was a robot store that was completely abandoned that all the crew bailed out of at the last second.
EON <advertiser>: Today only! It's our annual blow-out sale!
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
R.JAK: Alas, Cait's Friend. We knew him not.
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
>
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait.
TBS: Just so I know, are these people using the world's biggest airship for trips across suburbs?
> They then head
> for the Sector 5 chapel...
SIG: Vegeta must be a real cheap bastard. That place is a dump.
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
SIG: Which means that every other day is more painful than this. Ouch.
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
R.JAK: Vegeta? Respecting women?? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway??
SAMAS: Ah, showin' the respect.
TBS: You gotta respect teh Aeris!
SAMAS: R!
SIG: E!
R.JAK: S!
SAMAS: P!
TBS: S!
ALL: .......
SAMAS: Snotling, what the fuck is wrong with you!?
TBS: I got confused.
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
T.OGRE: Plot contrivance?
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
T.OGRE: I hate my life.
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
SIG <Nappa>: I'll give you a Scooby Snack!
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
EON: For a minute there, I thought he popped *out* of the wedding cake.
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
TBS <Sephiroth>: Would you believe... the flower arrangements?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
SAMAS <Sephiroth>: AND KEEP COOL WITH COOLIDGE!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
T.OGRE <Cloud>: And I cringe to think of what will happen when Ike Turner shows up!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta...
SIG: Oy, Primal Rage flashbacks...
> ......WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
R.JAK: Either Cloud has really long legs or that's quite a low table.
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
EON: He didn't stay for the reception... further proof that's not Son Goku.
T.OGRE: In this fic... your point being?
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
SIG <Aeris>: I do!
[TBS punches SIG.]
TBS <Vegeta>: OH NO!
[R.JAK punches TBS]
R.JAK: OH NO!
T.OGRE <lifting his fist>: Heheh. Oh no!
R.JAK: Don't.
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry....
ALL: Us too.
> (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with
Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his
pocket] Look, shiny!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
SAMAS: Now THAT'S aim!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
TBS <Barret>: It took 10 years of prison for me to come up with that catchphrase, foo'!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
SIG: We've temporarily replaced Vegeta with Majinbuu. Let's hope the readers don't notice.
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
TBS: Well that was certainly surreal.
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
>
>
>
> THE END
ALL <singing>: I'll never look into your eyes... again...