>
> Back on the Highwind...
>
TBS: Meanwhile, in stately Wayne Manor...
> Vegeta: I'm bored!!!!
> Aeris: I know of something you can do!!!!!
SIG <Vegeta>: Can I destroy the world now? Huh, can I? Can I? Pleeese?
TBS <Aeris>: You can play with your pet crocoStimpy!
SIG <Vegeta>: Joy!
> Vegeta: Hell ya'!!!!! (they head for their bedroom)
SAMAS <Vegeta>: Time to level up my Pichuu...
> Cloud: Oh great now I'm bored!
> Tifa: I know of something you can do!!!!!
> Cloud: Hell ya'! (they also head for their bedroom)
SIG <Cloud>: You brought the paper for our origami lessons, right?
EON <Tifa>: Remember not to bite so hard this time when you fold the paper with your teeth.
> Barret: I'm bored also!!!!
> Cid: Don't start that s**t again!!!!
> Link: I know of something you can do!!!!!
T.OGRE <Barret>: Hell, no!
> Barret: Get away from me you queer!!!!!
> Link: Not that you jack@$$!
EON: Oh, thank god.
> I was gonna say you can clean
> the deck with Cid's mop!!!
> Cid: Now there's a good idea!!!!!
> Barret: I won't do it foo's!!!! You can't make me!!!!
R.JAK <Barret>: I don't do housework, foo'.
EON <Barret>: 'Sides, I can't equip Cid's weapons!
> Cid: (smashes Barret over the head with his Mop) Too
> bad!!!! Now clean the damn deck!!!!!
> Barret: Damn! (looks over at Link) Your gonna die,
> foo'!!!!!
> Link: (snickering) While your at that, my room could use a
> good cleaning also!!!!!!
> Barret: (thinking to himself) God only knows what's in
> there!
R.JAK: He's only been on the ship for five friggin' minutes...
> Cid: Yeah, Barret, clean all of the rooms also!!
> Barret: Okay I'll clean the rooms!!!! (leaves the room)
> But I'll leave a surprise in there...
> Link: What an idiot!!! He believed us!
> Cid: And you are gonna help him!!!!
> Link: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
> Cid: That's right!!!! Now grab a bucket and a sponge and
> go help Barret!!!
> Link: Goddammit!!!!!!!! (grabs a bucket and sponge and
> follows Barret)
>
> Suddenly, they hear a loud crash...
TBS: It's Mankind!
>
> Dav: What the hell was that?
SAMAS <Cid>: I don't know WHAT the hell that was!
EON <Dav>: Well, better get a photo of me with it!
T.OGRE <Red>: Hey you kids! Get away from that thing! Don't put your lips on it!
SIG <Zor>: Lets go see.
> Red XIII: I sounded like it came from the other room...
> Cid: Well don't just stand there, go see what the hell it
> is!!!!!
> Dav: (thinking to himself) What an @$$hole!!!!!!! (turns
> to Red) How can you guys stand living with him?
> Red XIII: You'll get a used to it, trust me. We all had
> too!!!!!
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Well, the Highwind is his, after all...
> Dav: Yeah I guess your right!!!! (they walk through the
> hallway)
R.JAK: Really, why is everyone yelling so loudly? I mean, is everybody deaf or what?
> Red XIII: (approaches Cloud and Tifa's room)
> Tifa: Oh Cloud! Harder baby, HARDER!!!
> Cloud: Yeah baby!!!!
TBS <Austin>: Yeah, baby, yeah!
> Red XIII: Hey Dav, come here quick!
> Dav: What is it?
> Red XIII: Listen, you can hear Tifa's moaning and
> groaning!!!!!
> Dav: Hell ya'!
> Voice: Uh excuse me?
> Red XIII: AHHHHHH!!!
> Dav: (turns around) Wh...wh..who are you?
> Voice: My name is Goku. I came here because I heard Vegeta
> was here.
> Red XIII: Vegeta's in there but I wouldn't go in there if
> I were you.
> Goku: Ah c'mon it can't be THAT bad!
> Dav: No wait don't... (Goku walks into Vegeta and Aeris'
> room)
> Goku: Hey, Vegeta, are you in... AHHHHHHHHHH!
TBS <Goku>: You're both doing it all wrong! The plug should go to the 110 volts socket, not the 220 volts one!
EON: It took over three hours to wipe the smile off his face...
[I still most likely misquoted Top Secret. Help? -Sig]
> Vegeta: Goddammit, Kakaraught!!!! You could have at least
> knocked before you came in!!!!!!!
> Aeris: Wait a minute, you didn't lock the door!?!?!?!?!?
R.JAK: So let me get this straight: Cloud, Tifa, Vegeta and Aeris
are all having sex in the same room?
EON: Looks like it.
R.JAK: ...and they left the door unlocked.
SIG: Yup.
R.JAK: ...and they're all having sex in the SAME ROOM...
TBS: You seem awfully hung up on that.
[R.JAK twitches.]
> Vegeta: Sorry...
> Aeris: Hey s**t happens!!!!
[R.JAK winces.]
SIG: I think Cid may be more of a big influence to the rest of the cast than they realize.
SAMAS: You think?
> Goku: I may be a super Saiyan but I DO have weaknesses you
> know!!!!!
TBS: So Sayains are weak against sex?
SIG: Three thousand Dragonball lemons say otherwise.
> Vegeta: Ah what do you want!?!?!?!?
> Goku: King Kai sent me here to help you guys retrieve the
> dragon balls.
> Red XIII: It's not like it's gonna be hard or
> anything!!!!!!!
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Really, we're *only* looking for seven
softball-sized objects scattered across the world! How hard
could *that* be?
> Dav: Well we should tell the rest of the crew about our
> visitor...
> Goku: Sorry for dropping in like this but the door on the
> deck was locked!
R.JAK: (clutching his head) Head... hurts...
SIG <Red XII>: If that is so, then how did you get in the ship? Through the window?
T.OGRE <Goku>: No, through that hole on the side.
SAMAS <Cid>: I was wondering about that draft...
> Red XIII: Locked!?!? Barret knows better than to lock the
> deck door!!!!
> Goku/Dav: Why?
> Red XIII: (farts) Does that answer your question?
> Dav: Ah! Christ! Did something crawl up your @$$ and
> die!?!?!?
> Red XIII: Not to my knowledge.. (farts again) Ah! That's
> better!
> Goku: Now that's what I call chemical warfare!!
>
EON <Goku>: Not as bad as Bulma's cooking, but hey...
TBS: It would make for a strange Limit Break, though.
> A few minutes later on the Highwind...
>
> Goku: And that's what King Kai told me.
> Cloud: Well if Goku's right getting the dragon balls back
> won't be as easy as we previously thought.
> Barret: (with an apron on) So, whatta are we gonna do now
> foo'?
> Link: (also has an apron on) Yeah, those thieves being
> lesbos gives me the willy gillies!
SAMAS <Link, childish>: ...and they probably have cooties!
TBS: Willy Gillies. He's a blues musician, right?
R.JAK: Anyone else notice the distinct distaste for homosexuality in this 'fic?
SIG: Hey, what's wrong with lesbian thieves?
[EON and T.OGRE exchange looks.]
> Cid: Hey look on the bright side! They could be bi!!!
SIG, SAMAS: AMEN!
> Everyone: SHUT UP, CID!!!!!
> Red XIII: Barret! Why did you lock the deck door?
> Link: Oh I'm sorry, that was me who did that.
> Cloud: You locked the deck door!?!?!? You idiot!!!
> Link: What's so bad about that?
> Cid: Show him Red!
> Red XIII: Damn right I will!! (lets a big, sloppy, wet
> fart out on Link)
> Link: AHHHH!!! The smell! The smell! The horrible smell!!
> Dav: Anyway, like I said before these aren't your normal
> thieves.
R.JAK <Dav>: They have kungfu grip!
> Goku: Dav's right. They can manipulate us and make us have
> do their evil for them!
T.OGRE <Leb>: They'll use mind control. So there.
EON: Don't you mean INRCEDIBUL LEZBO MIND CONTROL POWURZ?
> Tifa: That doesn't sound good!
> Aeris: I'm scared now!
> Vegeta: Thanks a lot, Kakaraught!!!!
> Link: Hey that rhymed!!!
> Cloud: No s**t Shelock!!
> Vincent: Isn't that Cait Sith's line?
> Cloud: Well, since he's not here I'm using it for right
> now.
> Pilot: Sir! We've reached Midgar!!!
> Cid: MIDGAR!?!?!? We are supposed to be at Corel
> Desert!!!!!!!
SAMAS <Cid>: You couldn't have just pulled over and asked for
directions, could you? "Trust me, I know how to get there,"
you said...
> Pilot: I was just kiddin'! Yes we've reached Corel
> Desert!!!
SIG: Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen. In case you may forget who these morons are supposed to be.
SAMAS: An easy mistake to make.
[R.JAK sniffles.]
> Cid: Land the ship!
> (Highwind lands near Gerudo's Fortress.)
> Cloud: (looks down) Ah s**t!!!!
> Red XIII: What's wrong Cloud?
> Cloud: We landed in quicksand!!!!
EON <singing>: I lost my self-confidence... in the
quicksaaaand...
> Cid: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
> Cloud: Your pilot landed us in quicksand!!!
> Barret: I pity da' foo' who lands us in quicksand!!!!!!
T.OGRE <Barret>: An' I pity da foo' who don' use 1-800-COLLECT!!
> Pilot: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Fools! Don't you
> realize who I am?
TBS: [gasps] SEPHIORTH?!?
EON <Pilot>: My name is KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID! KID ROCK!
> Dav: What? A gay demented retard that can't fly worth
> s**t?
> Pilot: Besides that!!!!
> Link: A mean person?
> Pilot: Besides that!!!
> Red XIII: Just tell us before I maul your sorry @$$ to
> death!!!
> Pilot: (unmasks himself) It is I!!!!
T.OGRE: Takuma Sakazaki?
> Everyone: SEPHIROTH!?!?!?!?!?
> Sephiroth: Yes, it is I, the Great Sephiroth!!
[A loud *ding* is heard from somewhere in the theater.]
TBS: Yeah! Who's da man! Who's da man!
R.JAK: Didn't anybody notice the hair, or the voice, or the
fact that he had A SEVEN-FOOT LONG SWORD??
> Cid: Your not great, your a pansy!
> Sephiroth: So what if I am? What are you gonna do about
> it?
SIG: Cry?
[*ding!*]
TBS: Hey! That was my cue!
SIG: Um... Sorry?
> Cloud: We're gonna kick your sorry @$$ again!!!!
> Sephiroth: Too late!!! Your gonna die in the quicksand!!!
> Mwahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
> (disappears)
TBS: Ninja...
T.OGRE: You already did that one.
TBS: Crud.
> Goku: Whatta jack@$$!!!!
> Dav: You said it!!!!!!!
> Vincent: So how our we gonna get to the Gerudo Fortress if
> we're surrounded by quicksand!?!?!?!?!?!?
R.JAK: You're on an airship. Airships *fly*...
> Cloud: Something called a Gold Chocobo!!!!
> Vincent: Do we have any aboard?
> Red XIII: (sarcastically) No Vincent, we have horses
> aboard and they're gonna be able to cross the quicksand!!!
R.JAK <Cid, incredulous>: We have horses?!?... What are horses, anyway?
SIG: See, didn't I tell you? Kingdom Hearts.
SAMAS: Yeah, yeah, now shut up before Squall shows up.
TBS: At this rate, he probably will, along with Zidane and Tidus.
> Link: I have a horse!!!!
> Vegeta: That's nice...
> Goku: Well, Vegeta and I can fly and we'll be more then
> happy to carry the dog for you!!
> Red XIII: I'm not a dog!!! I'm a crossbreed!
SAMAS: I would imagine the family reunions would get ugly rather
quickly...
> Goku: Dog, crossbreed, same thing!
> Link: I have two pairs of Hover Boots so one of you guys
> can use a pair.
> Barret: Cid will use one!
> Cid: Why me!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
> Barret: 'Cause you suck and ya' a foo'!
> Cloud: Sorry Cid...
> Cid: Goddammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This
> really sucks!!!!!!!
> Aeris: Vegeta, carry me!!!!
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Goku: I guess I'll have to carry the crossbreed!
SIG: Was Goku really this insulting when in character? I mean, I can see Vegeta saying things like that, but Goku?...
EON: What do you mean "in character"? Nobody's "in character" in this fic since the title.
R.JAK: It depends on who's writing the fanfic.
T.OGRE: Whose side are you on anyway?
> Red XIII: The name's Red XIII!
> Cloud: Okay then! There are three Gold Chocobos and the
> Buggy.
SIG: But didn't they say that there wasn't any--
TBS: Ssshhh!
> Vincent: I have the buggy...
> Dav: You sure?
> Vincent: Yeah, I have a bad case of Chocobo sickness!
> Barret: Just like Yuffie!!!!
T.OGRE: Is that like "morning sickness"?
EON <Barret>: I'm sure Cid wouldn't mind riding Yuffie's Chocobo...
> Vincent: Shut up!
> Tifa: I guess I'll go with him!
> Cloud: NO!!!! You can ride on the back of mine!
> Tifa: Okay!!!
TBS: And Tifa tosses a red cap and poses.
T.OGRE: She sure changed her mind quickly.
R.JAK: You make that sound as if there was something *to* change.
> Cloud: All right crew, let's move out!!!!!!!
> Cid: Damn! Again! Stop sayin' it like a wimp! Can't you
> say "let's get those b***hs and get our stuff back?"
> Cloud: How 'bout "GO TO HELL, CID!"
> Cid: That would also work!!
>
> They depart from the half-sunken Highwind.
>
SIG: Leaving their best mode of transportation just like that, huh?
TBS: They'll just leave for a couple of screens, then when they come back, it'll be as good as new.
> Cid: S**t! I can't control these things! I feel like I'm
> gonna fall!!!
> Link: Just go with the flow and you'll be fine!
EON <singing>: In the rain or in the snow, got the got the funky
flow...
> Cid: Easy for you to say!!!! Wahh! Damn! That was close!!!
>
> On the chocobos...
>
> Dav: Damn! This guy reminds me of my Gold Chocobo back
> home!
> Barret: Really!?
> Cloud: You have a Gold Chocobo of your own!?
> Dav: Yeah, her name is Jessika. Her top speed is about
> 165-175 kph!
SIG <Cloud>: Damn, now that's one sweet ride...
> Cloud: Pretty fast chocobo!
> Barret: I pity da' foo' who has a faster chocobo then me!
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: Don't make do what I did to Ash to you
> guys!
SAMAS <Author>: I'll cut off your hands with a chainsaw!
T.OGRE: No, Ash did that himself.
SAMAS <Author>: Oh. Nevermind.
> Barret: Sorry 'bout that foo'.
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: No problem...
>
> In the air...
>
> Red XIII: Please don't drop me! Please don't drop me! I
> can't stand heights!!!!
SAMAS: Heights aren't the problem, only the sudden stop at the end.
> Goku: Close your eyes and don't look down. Believe me, it
> helps.
> Aeris: I'm in the mood for a song!
> Vegeta: I know the perfect one! Hey Kakaraught! Lead us in
> a song!
> Goku: Okay but I have to warn you my singing isn't the
> best!
> Red XIII: Can't be worse then Barret's!!!
> Barret: (voice echoing through the wind) I he-a-rd- t-ha-t
> f-oo'!
> Aeris: What the hell was that?
> Vegeta: Probably just an owl my dear!
> Goku: Okay, here I go! ( starts singing to the theme of
> "Fly Away") I wanna fly!
> Like a dragon fly! While eatin' an apple pie!
> Vegeta: (starts singing along) Then I poke you in the eye!
TBS <Stephanie McMahon>: Take it, Chavo!
> Goku: (continues singing) And I start to cry! All over my
> apple pie! Then I throw it at King Kai!
SIG <Chavo>: Take it, Raven!
> King Kai: (starts singing out of nowhere) Then I beat you
> with a fry!!
> Red XIII: (not singing) What the hell was that!?!?
> Goku and Vegeta: I wanna get away! I wanna f-l-y away!
> Yeah yeah yeah! I wanna get away! I wanna f-l-y away! Yeah
> yeah yeah!
> Aeris: (joins in the singing)I wanna throw Double D in
> grass! That's covered in gas! So I can burn her @$$!
> Red XIII: (starts singing) That won't last!
> Aeris: It will be fast! When those piles of mass! Burn in
> flammable gas!
> Tifa: (voice echoing through the wind) They're silicon
> implants!
> Aeris and Red: I wanna get away! I wanna f-l-y away! Yeah
> yeah yeah! I wanna get away! I wanna f-l-y away! Yeah yeah
> yeah! (songs done)
> Goku: Great singing guys!
> Aeris: Thank you Kakaraught!
> Goku: Only Vegeta is supposed to call me that!
TBS <Goku>: It's my pet name that should be only used by those nearest and dearest to me.
THIEF <over intercom>: I like you.
> Vegeta: (sarcastically) Oh goody, I feel special now!
>
> In the buggy...
>
> Vincent: (listening to rap music)
SIG <Vincent, deadpan>: I am a thug. Word.
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: That traitor!!!!!!!!
R.JAK: Great, not only is the author a homophobe, but he's apparently racist as well.
T.OGRE: But Barret talked like that in the game!
> Vincent: (not paying attention) I miss my Yuffie! I miss
> all the good times we.....AHHHHH!! (crashes into a bolder
> and the buggy sinks into the quicksand)
> Vincent: Ah nuts! Now I'm gonna have to transform into
> Chaos and fly to the fortress on an empty stomach! (begins
> to fly toward the fortress)
>
> At Gerudo's Fortress, Yuffie has finally summoned the
> dragon after three hours of "fun" with a friend of hers!
>
> Nabooru: Mr. Dragon, we would like to wish our old leader,
> Ganondorf, back. Cloud you grant this wish?
TBS: Cloud's a genie?
T.OGRE: No, Snot.
TBS: But it says that-
T.OGRE: No, Snot. No.
> Dragon: Your wish is my command!
> (They hear horse noises outside. They all run outside to
> see Ganondorf approaching the fortress)
> Ganondorf: I'm back and with a vengeance! (getting ready
> to jump the gate)
> Thief 2: It's Ganondorf!!!!!!
> Ganondorf: Here I com.....Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (his horse
> trips over the gate. Ganondorf falls to the ground and his
> horse crushes him to death, again)
> Thief 3: Ganondorf died again!
> Nabooru: Oh well, I didn't like or trust him anyway.
> Thief 4: So, who's gonna be our rebel leader?
> (They all turn toward Cait Sith)
> Cait Sith: Oh no! You guys are out of your minds!
> Yuffie: If you don't wanna be auctioned off, you must lead
> the rebellion!!
> Cait Sith: Just you wait until Cloud comes! He'll teach
> you 100 things or two about messing with me!
> Nabooru: Shut your trap, cat or I'll shut it for you!!!!
> Cait Sith: (sarcastically) Oh I'm really scared! I gonna
> get my @$$ kicked by a whore! Oh the humanity!
> Nabooru: Your testing my patience, cat!
> Cait Sith: Well in that case you get a "F"!!!!
> Nabooru: Guards! Seize that cat!
> Cait Sith: Oh crap! I better run like hell!
> (Guards catch him in seconds)
> Nabooru: We have the cat! All right people, we're heading
> for the Spirit Temple! Let's move out!
> Yuffie: Hey that's Cid's line!
> Nabooru: WHO!?
[More "WHAT?"-style character stuff here, only with "WHO?", perhaps?]
> Yuffie: An ex-friend and lover of mine!
> Nabooru: Oooooooooookay, well anyway lets go!
> (The group of thieves head for the Spirit Temple as
> AVALANCHE, Goku, Vegeta and Link arrive at the fortress)
> Cid: Just great! It's deserted!!!
> Tifa: (notices Vincent without the buggy) Hey Vincent!
> Where's the buggy?
> Vincent: The boogy man took it....
TBS <Cait's Friend>: Boogy man!
> Tifa: Okay............
> Barret: Ooga booga foo'!
> Cloud: I wonder where they went... (he hears a voice)
> Sheik: (appears out of nowhere) They went to the Spirit
> Temple, across the haunted desert.
> Dav: Who are you?
> Sheik: My name is Sheik!
> Link: Dammit Zelda! I know it's you so don't fart around!
> Cid: That's Red's job!!!
> Red XIII: And a good one at that!!!!
> Zelda: (dripping with sarcasm) Okay okay I guess I can't
> fool you Link.
> Dav: Holy crap! She's beautiful!
EON <Dav>: Yet another fine addition to my harem...
> Cid: Not bad for a pointy eared person...
> Zelda: Nice to meet you all. I'm Zelda, Princess of
> Hyrule.
> Cloud: Where?
> Zelda: Hyrule...
> Vegeta: Is that some far away planet?
> Zelda: No...
> Tifa: Is it a concentration camp or something?
> Aeris: Show's how much you know!
> Tifa: Shut up, Ancient b***h!!!!
> Cloud: Both of you, stop it right now!!!!!
> Tifa and Aeris: Sorry Cloud...
SIG: That's the second time Cloud's owning them. Wouldn't the new guy object?
> Zelda: No, it's a peaceful kingdom that is on the other
> side of the world.
> Vincent: Sounds interesting....
SAMAS <Vincent>: I wonder what new species will I find there?
> Barret: C'mon foo's! We need to find Yuffie so we can get
> our stuff back!
> Goku: Can you take us to this Spirit Temple?
> Zelda: Of course, hang on! This could get rough!
TBS: Yeah, but they like it-
T.OGRE: Stop. Right. There.
>
> Zelda plays the "Requiem of Spirit" and the crew is
> transported to the Colossus outside of the Spirit
> Temple...
SIG: Unfortunately, the appeared just as Colossus came down from his Power Dive. Oh, the humanity!