> Zelda: We're here!!!
> Dav: That ride totally sucked @$$!!! Someone one was
> squeezing my @$$!!!
> Barret: Red farted in ma' face and I almost fell!!!
> Red XIII: Barret wouldn't stop singing!
> Vincent: Someone said my tarts sucked!!!!
> Tifa: They do, Vincent!!!
> Vincent: Only 2-cent whores think my tarts suck!!!
> Tifa: Shut up! (does her chain of limit breaks on him)
> Vincent: Owwwwwwwwwww, m'kay?
> Aeris: Vegeta didn't squeeze my breasts!!!!
> Vegeta: Sorry...
> Tifa: Cloud didn't squeeze mine either!!!!!
> Aeris: How could he!?!?!? They're silicon implants!
> They're hard as a rock!!
> Tifa: Shut up, Ancient b***h!!!!!!
> Cloud: Knock it off, you two!!!!!!
> Aeris and Tifa: Sorry Cloud...
> Cid: They didn't serve any goddamn tea or let me watch the
> Dukes!!!!!
> Goku: I thought it was a descent ride. Someone told me I
> was hot!!!!
> Zelda: Hee! Hee! Hee!
> Cloud: Hey look over there!!! (points to two huge robots)
> Link: What in tarnation are those!?!? They look scary!!!!!
> Cid: That's because your a big baby!!!!!
> Link: Shut up!!!!!! I'm a big boy!!!!!
> Red XIII: Oh did you finally outgrow diapers baby!?!? What
> are you in now training pants!?!?
> Link: Shut up!!!!!!!!
> (The crew walks over to the robots)
> Red XIII: Damn those things are huge!!!!!!
> Dav: Hey! Check it out! There's a refrigerator here!!!
> Vegeta: Let's steal all of the drinks and run!!!!
> Goku: For once that's a good idea! I'm thirsty as a dried
> up ocean!!!
> Cloud: I guess it's okay to steal a few drinks! After all,
> we DO have to survive out here while we look for the
> Spirit Temple.
> Link: We can't do it guys!!!
> Red XIII: Why not?
> Link: Stealing is wrong no matter what!!!!
> Cid: Yeah, bringing you with us wasn't the best idea
> either but we did anyway!!!
> Vincent: Cid has a point there...
> Link: Without me, you wouldn't have known the location of
> the Gerudos' fortress so there!!!!
> Cloud: Dav knew where it was right?
> Dav: Damn correct!!!!
> Link: Well...... I knew the EXCAT location of it!!!
> Zelda: Hush Link! I feel a presence near by!!!!
> Red XIII: Who cares? I'm thirsty!!!
> Cid: Yeah! (opens the refrigerator and takes out a can. He
> opens it and takes a sip)
> Cid: (spits the drink out) Ah crap! This s**t ain't
> tea!!!!
> Cloud: It's called "Bartweiser"!!!!!!
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: "Bartweiser" is beer you can get in
> Xenogears when you reach the city of Bledavik. They're
> holding a festival that's celebrating the 500th
> anniversery of the existence of their country, Aveh.
> There's a shop there where you can get some
> "Bartweiser"!!!!
> Dav: (takes a whiff of it) Whoa!!! This crap smells like
> poop!
> Red XIII: It should be renamed to "Fartweiser"!!!!! Now
> that's my kind of drink!!!!!
> (AVALANCHE hears a couple of mysterious voices)
> Mysterious voice 1: Hey! Get your hands off our beer you
> damn d**ks!!!!!
> Mysterious voice 2: Yeah! That's our beer and you have no
> right taking it!!!
> Barret: This s**t ain't beer!!! It tastes like pee foo's!!
> Cloud: Yeah, it tastes like Sephiroth's gin!!!
> Sephiroth: (appears out of nowhere) Only puppets don't
> like my gin!!!
> Cloud: Shut up!!! (does Omnislash on Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Ack!!! (disintegrates)
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: Read "FF7 Roadtrip!!!" by Cloud and Cait to
> find out about Sephiroth's gin.
> Vegeta: Who are you and what's your business here!?!?!?!?
> Guy 1: We might ask you the same question!?!?!?!?!?
> Goku: We asked you first!!!!!!
> Guy 2: Fine, we'll tell you. We're here 'cause we're
> taking a pit stop but we can't seem to find a bathroom
> anywhere...
> Cloud: You guys better not have went in these cans or I'll
> kick your sorry @$$s across this gay desert!!!!!!!!
> Guy 2: No! Of course we didn't!!!!!!!! What do guys think
> we are sickos!?!?
> Guy 1: Hey Fei, should we tell them the "secret
> ingredient"?
> Fei (from Xenogears): Shut up, Bart!!!! They don't need to
> know the secret ingredient!!!!
> Vegeta: What secret ingredient!?!?!?!?
> Bart (from Xenogears): Ah, it's nothing... bad... anyway,
> but that's not important!!!!!!
> Cloud: Well, I guess you guys aren't hostile so lets get
> on with the introductions. I'm Cloud Strife and this is my
> hot, sexy, fun to pump wife Tifa Lockhart!!!!!
> Tifa: (playfully) Cloud!!!!!
> Dav: The name's Cole... Dav Cole!!!!!
> Barret: The name's Barret Wallace, foo's!!!!
> Cid: I want some tea!!!! I want some hash!!! I wanna watch
> the Dukes!!!!!!
> Cloud: We all want you shut up!!!!
> Fei: Who the hell is that!?!?!?
> Tifa: Oh that's Cid!
> Fei: What's his problem?
> Red XIII: He has hemorrhoids!!!!
> Cid: You disgusting crossbreed!! I don't have
> hemorrhoids!!!!!! (scratches his @$$)
> Vegeta: I'm Vegeta...
> Aeris: Or according to Cait's friend, Fejita! Oh by the
> way, I'm Aeris! I'm what we call an Ancient.
> Tifa: (talking to herself) Yeah, an Ancient b***h...
> Aeris: Mind saying that to my face Double D!?!?!?!?!?
> Cloud: Both of you cut it out NOW!!!!!
> Tifa and Aeris: Sorry Cloud...
> Goku: I'm Goku.
> Zelda: (walks up beside Goku) I'm the Princess of Hyrule,
> Zelda.
> Link: And I'm her boyfriend!!!!!
> Zelda: I don't go out with fairy boys!!!!
> Dav: Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Link is gay!!!!
> Link: I am not gay!!!!
> Vincent: Then why is there a fairy flying above your head?
> Link: He's my good luck fairy!
> Navi: Yeah so shut up!!!!!
> Fei: Nice to meet you guys! My name is Fei Fong Wong.
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: Fei Fong Wong IS his name!!!
> Link: Fei! Fei! Fei is gay!
> Fei: Shut up you little prick! (does his Yamikei combo on
> Link, it knocks out 11 hearts out of 12 off Link's life
> meter)
> Link: Oh....poopy that....hurt....
> Bart: I'm Bartholomew Fatima, but people call me Bart.
> Aeris: Hey Fei, what are those giant robots anyway?
> Fei: They're called "Gears". It's one way we get around...
> Bart: And let's not forget they're also one way we
> fight!!!!
> Red XIII: Hey Bart, do you fart?
> Bart: Yeah, but only when I've drinken about 12
> "Bartweisers" in a day.
> (suddenly AVALANCHE, Vegeta, Link, Zelda, Goku, Fei and
> Bart hear another mysterious voice)
> Mysterious voice 3: I fart when I want to.... if I take
> over a body to do so!
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
> Fei: Oh great! Not him!
> (The mysterious figure reveals himself as Grahf, a stupid
> s**tty worthless excuse for a bad guy @$$hole, also from
> Xenogears)
> Vegeta: Who is that weird looking prick!?!?!?
> Goku: He looks worse than Frieza, for a cry in out
> loud!!!!!
> Cid: Damn! This is all too confusing! I'm gonna sit on
> this rock and drink some "Fartweiser".... I mean
> "Bartweiser"! (opens a can up and starts drinking)
> Red XIII: Yeah, let me join you!!!!! (grabs a can and
> opens it with his paw and starts drinking)
> Grahf:
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I
> need your power, Fei!!!!
> Link: Fei! Fei! Fei is gay!!!
> Fei: Don't make me beat the living s**t out of you
> again!!!!!!
> Cid: Damn! I want some Brisk but this s**t'll have to do!
> (opens another can of "Bartweiser" and starts drinking)
> Red XIII: Damn correct... (takes another sip from his can)
> Cloud: Shut up, Cid!!!!!
> Fei: I not gonna give my power to an @$$hole like you!!!!
> Grahf: Well, you have no choice!!
> Fei: We'll just see about that!!!!! (Fei climbs in his
> gear, Weltall, and grabs Grahf)
> Grahf: Hey!!! Put me down!!! Your gonna pay dearly for
> this!!!
> Fei: Alright!! This one's for the game! Kick the Grahf!!!
> Grahf: Don't kick the Grahf!!!!!
> Fei: KICK THE GRAHF!!!!! (kicks Grahf's gay @$$ across the
> desert)
> Grahf:
> Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnittttttttttttt!!!!!
> Cid: (opens a third can of "Bartweiser") Yeah! Yeah!
> Finally, some action!!!! This is almost as good as the
> Dukes!!!!!!!!
> Bart: (climbs into his gear, Brigandier) And take your gay
> @$$ looking gear with you! (kicks Grahf's gear across the
> desert and it blows up on impact, causing a nuclear
> explosion)
> Zelda: Holy crap!!!!!
> Barret: Dat' was one helluva an explosion!!!!!
> Cloud: Hey Red, how come you can't make explosions like
> that when you fart?
> Red XIII: ........I'm not touching that with a 50 foot
> pole!!!!!
> Fei: Well we have to go now. It was nice meeting you all!
> Bart: Gimmie that! (take Cid's beer can away)
> Cid: I wasn't finished with that you @$$hole!!
> Bart: Too bad!!!!!!!!!
> Fei: We need to hurry, Bart. Elly's waiting for the dinner
> of a lifetime!!! (climbs back in his gear)
> Bart: On our way back let's stop at Taco Bell.
> Chihuahua: (appears out of nowhere) Yo' quiero taco
> bell!!!
> Red XIII: Talk like a dog you d**k!!!! (mauls the
> chihuahua to death)
> Goku: Bye! See you around!!!!!
> (Fei and Bart start their Gears up and fly away)
> Vincent: An odd pair I must say...
> Zelda: Well then, now that's over, let's head for the
> Spirit Temple!!!!
> Cloud: Where is it? I don't see it anywhere.
> Link: It's right there! (points to the entrance)
> Vegeta: That's the Spirit Temple!?!?!?!?
> Barret: I've seen better houses in da' Midgar slums!!!!!
> Tifa: (smells the walls) And they smell better too!!!!!!!!
> Link: (sees a rattlesnake looking at him) Hey! Whatta
> lookin' at!?!?
> Snake: (slithers)
> Zelda: Who the hell are you talking too!?!?!?!?
> Link: That stupid snake that's staring at me!
> Cloud: It's just a snake! He'll leave you alone if you
> leave him alone!
> Link: Oh....alright!
> Snake: (sticks his tail up)
> Link: He flicked me off!!!!!
> Red XIII: Snakes can't flick people off, fairy boy!!!!
> Dav: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Link's gay!!!
> Link: I am not!!!!!
> Navi: Don't call Link gay, you meanie! (divebombs Dav)
> Dav: (holds his Atma Weapon straight up in the air and
> cuts Navi in half)
> Link: NAVI!!!!!!!!!!!!
> Dav: That takes of him!
> Barret: Dat' was coo' foo!
> Link: WAHHHHHHHH!! My only friend in the world is gone!
> WAAHHHHHHHH!!
> Goku: Ah c'mon kid, you don't really need a fairy to
> protect you.
> Link: (crying) Why not?
> Barret: 'Cause day're stupid, gay and they piss on ya'
> head!
> Link: Navi never did! He was poty trained!
> Goku: Face it kid, you can't potty train a fairy!
> Dav: Then that means Link isn't potty trained!
> Link: Shut up! It's because of you, Navi's dead!
> Dav: Hey, s**t happens kid.
> Zelda: Dav's right, s**t DOES happen!
> Vegeta: Dammit! Your holding us up!!!!! Leave the snake
> alone and let's get going!!!
> Link: Oh....okay...
> Snake: (sticks his tail up again)
> Link: He did it again!!!!!!
> Zelda: If you don't leave the snake alone, your gonna get
> a spanking!!!
> Link: That would hurt!!!!!!
> Cloud: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Aeris: C'mon! I burning up here!!!!! Let's go inside the
> temple!!!!!
> Tifa: I gotta pee! I gotta pee! Aeris, come with me!
> Vincent:.............Okay....
> Tifa: I said Aeris!!!!!
> Vincent: Oh poopy....
> Goku: I hope you gals realize the only bushes around for a
> thousand miles are cactus plants!!!
> Cloud: Owwwwww!!!! That hurts just thinking about it!!!!
> Cid: (walking around in a drunken craze) Duuhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
> Two plus two is eighty-five!!!!
> Barret: Well looky here! The tea drinkin' faggit is
> drunk!!!!!!!!
> Cid: Duuuuuuhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I'm crazy for beer!
> Vegeta: How could he be drunk!?!?!?!? He only had three
> cans!!!!
> Dav: It must have been the secret ingredient that Bart and
> Fei were talking about!!
> Vincent: (grabs an empty can) Holy crap! It says here
> "Secret Ingredeint is alcoholic pee water!!!!
> Barret: I knew it!!!!!!!
> Cid: (runs around with his shirt above his head)
> Hahahahahaha!!!! I am the great Cornholio! I want TP for
> my bung hole!!!!!
> Red XIII: Come here you drunk b*****d or I'll vaporize you
> with my atomic fart!!!! (starts to chase Cid)
> Cid: Are you threatening me!?!?!?
> Red XIII: YES I AM!!!!
> Cid: "Bartweiser!!!" Nah! Nah! Nah! Nah! Nah!
> "Bartweiser!!!"
> Link: I'll take care of this!!!! (picks up a Deku Nut and
> throws it at Cid, hitting him in the head and knocking him
> unconscious)
> Cid: Ack!!!!!
> Link: I hit him! I hit him!
> Aeris: Calm down!
> Tifa: (approaching Cid) Cid's gonna have quite a hangover
> in the morning.
> Cloud: No s**t, Sherlock!!
> Tifa: Hey that's Cait's line!!!!
> Goku: Where should we put him so he can rest?
> Barret: How 'bout sending da' foo' on a one way trip to
> Cuba!!!!
> Dav: Nah, that's being too nice.
> Cloud: We'll leave him here for now. Right now, we have a
> mission to complete!!!!
> Vegeta: Yeah, like getting my dragon balls back!!!!
> Tifa: Plus rescuing Cait...
> Red XIII: And let's not forget beating the living s**t
> outta Yuffie and her lesbo friends!!!!!
> Zelda: Okay then, follow me but stay close.
>