In which I make riffs, and everyone else dies of suprise.
by SAMAS
> At the base of the tower...
TBS: A giant hand was clenched there, so the tower didn't have any premature...oik!
[T.OGRE bends TBS into a pretzel]
T.OGRE: Take your phallic imagery elsewhere!
>
> Vegeta: What crappy decorations! I bet a donkey's @$$
TBS <John Merrick>: I bet my nose.
EON: I see your nose and raise you two rabbit bottoms.
SAMAS: I see your rabbit bottoms and raise you a dog tookus.
SIG: I see your dog tookus and raise you...
[SIG pauses dramatically.]
SIG: ...a pig's hind flank.
EON: I fold.
SAMAS: Me too.
> fairy boy's house has better decorations in it then this!
R.JAK <Vegeta, lisping>: And who's your interior designer? Girlfriend, you have got to know that chenille couches are so overdone!
> Red XIII: It probably has no decorations!
> Link: Stop making fun of me!
SIG <Link>: I'm a sensitive soul in turmoil! Pity me!
EON: Sure it looks ugly, but the Room bonuses are really up there.
> Vegeta: It's at least better than this s**t Canon Dork put
> in here!
EON: They didn't know that this place was Recoom's private stable.
> Red XIII: You have a point there...
> Cloud: It even smells bad!
TBS <Link>: Okay, okay, so I'm moonlighting as a Keebler. I gotta pay the bills *somehow*.
> Barret: It's comin' from da' foo' Cid!!!
> Cid: Hey! I do not smell! (takes a cookie and eats it)
> Dav: Where did you get those cookies!?!?
R.JAK <Dav>: I did not give you permission to produce cookies from thin air, young man!
> Cid: They were laying beside a dead b***h so I took them!
EON <Stan>: Oh my God, they killed Tiffa!
SAMAS <Kyle>: You bastards!
TBS: You know she's gonna kill you for that, right?
SAMAS: If it comes before the end of this fic, I'll die happy.
> Dav: You moron! Look at the expiration date on the bottom
> of the package!
> Cid: (looks on the bottom of the package) It says... eat
> before September 1967.
SIG: Those are really old cookies you got there...
T.OGRE: Old enough to have shaken hands with Andy Warhol, maybe.
> Ah crap! They're spoiled!
EON: Like MOST children born before that date.
> Cloud: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Goku: I thought you knew they were spoiled!
> Cid: How would I know!?!?!?!?!? I don't look at the
> packages!
EON <Barret>: They're green and brown, Foo!
SIG <Cid>: I thought they were mint chocolate chip!
EON <Barret>: But the package says "Sugar Cookies!"
T.OGRE <Cloud>: You'd think he would have learned his lesson after eating half a box of mothballs.
SIG <Cid>: I thought they were jawbreakers!
> Link: Don't feel too bad. I don't either.
> Cid: Go to hell, fairy boy!
SAMAS <Link>: I told you, I'm an ELF, not a fairy! I don't flutter about granting people's fucking wishes!
> Link: (goes down the stairs and lifts up the huge stone
> blocking the light section entrance) Hey look guys! I can
> pick this up!
EON <Link>: I am MIGHTY!!
R.JAK <Red XIII>: It's made of styrofoam, Link.
EON <Link>: Don't crush my mighty hopes, damn you!
> Tifa: (sarcastically) Yeah...
> Vincent: Your special now...
EON <singing>: You think you're special, you do, I can see it in your eyes...
SIG <singing>: Do you have an opinion? A mind of your own? I thought you were special, I thought you should know...
/** Okay, so I goofed the ref on the first try. ^^;;; I can't believe I missed the ref, considering I have the Version 2.0 album ripped to MP3. Yeah, I like Garbage too. -Sig **/
> Link: Yeah I know!
> (in the tower)
> Chase: Dammit, Recoom! Can't you go one flight of stairs
> without falling?
> Recoom: No... (gets up but falls down the stairs again)
> WAHHHH!
TBS: Ah...highbrow comedy. Gotta love it...
> Chase: (dodges Recoom by inches) Goddammit! You almost
> flattin' me!!!!
> Recoom: Sorry... It hard for me...
SIG: Maybe you should have though of that before coating the steps with Teflon.
R.JAK: Look on the bright side. At least you can grill eggs on them and not have them get charred.
> Chase: Dude, shut up! I hear voices coming from outside of
> the tower!
SAMAS: Eh, it's probably Diabolik on his cell phone.
> Recoom: Look Chase! They're people outside of the tower!
EON <Mojo Jojo>: And the voices coming from outside of the tower belong to people outside of the tower, and the people outside of the tower have voices coming into the tower to the ears of...MOOOOOOOOOOOOJO JOJO!
> Chase: What the hell is that one gay @$$ elf doing holding
> up that huge stone!?!?
TBS: Winning a hollow victory?
> Recoom: I don't like elves Chase! Every Christmas they
> kidnap you, take you up on their airplane and put metal
> sticks up your butt!
SIG: E.T. as an elf. What an interesting image.
R.JAK: ...Never, EVER, mention E.T. in the vicinity of this! I cried like a BABY whenever I watched it!
> Chase: Those are the visitors you retard, and they fly
> spaceships, not planes!!!!
> Recoom: Oh, then what are elves?
> Chase: Elves are those tiny little people with pointy ears
> that dance around and spank their own @$$s!!!!!!
TBS: So elves are just midget clones of Rowan Atkinson?
EON: Cool.
> Recoom: Oh, I get the difference! I always get confused
> between those two!!!!
> Chase: Remind me to send you to Rehab when this job's
> done!
T.OGRE: He's not the only one who's going to need Rehab by the end of this fic.
[T.OGRE winces as R.JAK dry-swallows a bottle of asprin]
> Recoom: Uh, okay Chase, I will!
> Chase: Shut up and let's listen to what these people have
> to say!
> (back down at the base of the tower)
> Zelda: Stop being a damn showoff you stupid d**k!
> Link: I'm doing it for you, baby cakes!
> Dav: Man!!! Link likes Zelda! Now I can't get a date with
> her!
SIG: Don't worry, Dav. I'm sure Zelda won't give Keebler-boy here the time of day after raping her.
SAMAS: Don't count on it.
SIG: Whose side are you on?
SAMAS: Just stating an eventuality, that's all.
> Zelda: What did you say?
> Dav: I said Link can go suck a cow's @$$!!!!!
> Link: Hey!
> Zelda: (in disappointment) Oh... well yes, he can.
> Link: HEY!!!!
R.JAK <Link, plummy english accent>: You can't treat me like this! I was created by Shigeru Miyamoto!!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: I can blow up planets.
R.JAK <Link>: But you don't have an ounce of class to make it look good. not to mention you take simply AGES to do it.
SIG <Dav>: Now now, we still have to teach those cads, the Ginyu Force, a lesson. Shall we put our differences aside for just a few minutes, my good sirs?
TBS <random kid>: KISS TUBBY! KISS TUBBY!
SAMAS: Dav and Dyne done by PG Wodehouse, ladies and gentlemen.
> Vegeta: You can drop it now! You've proven your invisible
> point!
> Link: What's that mean?
> Red XIII: It means you haven't proven your point.
T.OGRE <Link>: What point am I supposed to have proven again?
> Cloud: No s**t, Sherlock!
EON: We should've been trying to make a Dave and Dyne drinking game.
R.JAK: We'd be in alcoholic comas by now.
EON: But at least we wouldn't be watching this...
[Pause while ALL think this over.]
TBS: Yousa points well took.
R.JAK: GODDAMNIT, NO FUCKING GUNGONICS!
TBS: Whoa. Okay.
> Cid: I want some goddamn tea!!!! I want some goddamn
> hash!!!! I wanna watch the goddamn Dukes!!!
TBS: I want a goddamn pony too, but did I ever get it? NO! I got a HARLEY!
EON <Harley Quinn>: Well, I do my best, Mistah C!
> Vincent: Mind if you keep your speech down?
> Cid:Shut the hell up! Your tarts suck and so does your
> girlfriend!!!!
> Vincent: Grrrrrrrrrrr... DON'T EVER INSULT MY TARTS
> AGAIN!!!!!!!!! (turns into Chaos)
TBS <Chaos>: CHAOS SMASH!
R.JAK: Tarts have feelings too!
> Cid: Oh s**t!!!!! (runs like hell)
> Vincent: Whahahahahahahaha! I'll teach you to respect my
> tarts!
T.OGRE <Undertaker>: All my tarts want is a little respect, and they'll get it if I have to wring it out of each and every one of your necks!
EON <singing>: Keep rollin', rollin', rollin'
> Cid: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
> (back in the tower)
> Recoom: I hate tarts! They taste like s**t!
> Chase: Let's take this opportunity to attack while they're
> still arguing!
SIG: Whilst screaming as humanely loud as possible!
> Recoom: I ate tarts once while I was watching soap operas!
> They tasted like cat poop! I hate tarts! They suck!
TBS <Buttape3>: I like poop, and so do my cats!
> Chase: OK!! You've made your point! Now shut up and let's
> get going! (jump out of the window)
TBS <Recoom>: Hey Chase. I just realized something.
SIG <Chase>: What's that?
TBS <Recoom>: We're the only two characters in Dragon Ball that can't fly.
SIG <Chase>: Well... shit.
SAMAS: That true?
SIG <shrugging>: No, but it would be really funny as hell if it was...
> (at the base of the tower)
> Vincent: Mwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I shall chop of your
> wee wee!
> Cid: Noooooo! Not my wee wee!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: Knock it off you two! You guys are starting to piss
> me off!!!!
> Vincent and Cid: ....Sorry....
[SAMAS makes a whipcrack noise.]
SIG: This IS the badass Cloud from Kingdom Hearts.
> Aeris: You better be!!!
> Link: Hey guys, I can't hold this thing much longer! You
> think you could give me a hand here?
> Goku: You lifted it up, you put it down!
R.JAK <Link>: But I can't...
SAMAS <Goku>: GODAMMIT, JUST DO IT!
R.JAK <Link>: Woah! OK!
[R.JAK mimes throwing the boulder onto SIG.]
SIG <Goku>: ARRRGH! MY SPLEEN!
> Link: But I'll drop it on myself!!!!
> Barret: At least we'd get some peace an' quiet!!!!
> (suddenly Chase comes down and chops the block to pieces
> with his super dildo)
[*boomlet*]
T.OGRE: ...the hell?
R.JAK: I'd have to go and check, but I think that was the goofy-meter exploding in self-defense.
> Chase: Stop right there, imposters!!!!! I can't allow you
> to go any further!!
SIG <Vincent>: .............Who'd want to copy you morons?
EON: Any reason why you picked Vincent from the cast of deranged loonies we've got assembled here?
SIG: He threatened to hurt Cid.
EON: I see.
R.JAK: Ah, he's just moody. He does that all the time.
> Dav: Who are you guys!?!?!?
> Chase: My name is... CHASE!!! (does his gay dance)
> Recoom: My name is Recoom, it rhymes with doom and you'll
> be hurting all too soon! Surly, I am a man of many
> talents!!! (does his gay dance)
T.OGRE <singing>: You look so good to me...
EON: I'm stunned. That was in-character.
ALL: That's nice...
> Chase: We are...
> Chase and Recoom: THE GINYU FORCE!!!! (does another gay
> dance)
SAMAS <George>: Martha's going to put on some rhythms she understands. Sacre du Printemps, maybe.
> Link: What s**tty dancing!
[ALL boo.]
EON <announcer>: Are you having trouble with your feet?
> Zelda: Yeah, Ganondorf could do his victory dance better
> than that!!!
> Recoom: Hahahahahahaha!!! That little elf just said our
> dancing sucked!!!
> Chase: We don't like people insulting our dancing!!
SIG <Chase>: I didn't win the Flaming Feet dancing championship seven times in a row to be chewed out by you ingrates!
> Recoom, she may be a big breasted hotty, but you know the
> rules... anyone who insults our dancing...DIES!!! One more
> thing, if you don't finish her in five seconds, no TV for
> another week!
> Recoom: Oh okay! I like soap operas!!!
EON: I like Ike.
T.OGRE: I like swords.
R.JAK: I like coffee. I like tea. I like the Java jive and it likes me.
SIG: I like to burn the flesh from the bones of everyone in the vicinity, capture their freshly released souls, defile them through the thirty-two paths of the three veils of negative existence, and offer them up to Lord Chaos to gain favor in his eyes and thus find a quick and harrowing road to power far surpassing anything that has been possessed by human hands!
MMK <over intercom>: I like elephants.
[*WHUMP*!]
TBS: Dude, there's something on your head.
SIG: (under elephant) No kidding...
> Cid: You faggit!!!!!
> Recoom: Your next after the hotty!!!
> Cid: (sarcastically) Whoa! I'm so scared that Smoking Joe
> Camel on my cigarette carton is gonna run away!!!
R.JAK <Cid>: In fact, there he goes, over the horizon! Come back here, you yellow bellied corporate logo!
> Recoom: Shut up! (turns to Zelda) This outta be fun!
> Hahahahahaha!!! (charges at Zelda)
> Zelda: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
> Link: ZELDA!!! (jumps in front of her)
> Zelda: Link, NO!!!!!
> Recoom: This is my Recoom boom! (rams Link right through
> the wall, sending him flying out the castle)
R.JAK <Zelda>: You're not Recoom! You're DARK Destructoid Gray Rhino King in disguise!
Sig <Gray Rhino King>: Arrrgh! My clever disguise has been seen through! Now I have to kill you in the name of DARK!
R.JAK <woodenly>: Help! I've fallen. And I can't get up!
SIG: Y'know, actually, that woman was reliving a real-life experience, so I can understand if she was
reluctant to put much emotion into--
R.JAK: Shoo! Do not meddle me with your logic of feminine actions!
> Zelda: L-----I-----N-----K!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> Recoom: Now I call that... THE MISSING LINK!!
> Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!
SIG: At this point, I'm surprised that Zelda didn't give Recoom a medal.
> Red XIII: That was pretty corny!! (starts licking himself)
> Cloud: No s**t, Sherlock!!!!
> Barret: Ya' disgusting crossbreed! Why da' ya' lick
> yourself!!
> Red XIII: 'Cause I can!!!!!!
> Dav: I can't believe it!!!
TBS <Dav>: There HAS to be another reason why you lick yourself!
> The fairy boy had enough
> courage to risk himself for Zelda!!!
> Cid: Amazing!!! Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go
> outside and have a smoke!
> Recoom: Hahahahahahaha! Your not going anywhere!!!
> (charges at Cid)
> Cid: Oh s**t!!!!
SAMAS: Where's Kikaida when you need him?
> Zelda: Oh no you don't!! (counters Recoom's charge with a
> kick in the nuts)
ALL: WOOOOO!
> Recoom: Ohhhh..... that.... hurt.....
TBS: And he still -- didn't -- disintegrate! I want my money back!
> Zelda: I'll make you pay for what you did to Link you
> #%$$#&$@@$@&@$&@$@$@$@$@%@$^%#@$&$#$^**#%&@%@#%&&@$&@$@&$@$535w447fv46D#U^D%FF%&%#@^%*@@%^24247@&@$&&@$@&^&$^%#**#&%#%*%#Ggfg(*&$$($(^^((^%)&%^%($%?%%^&$??#*$((*&*)%&$$@@#%^*))_*&^$^%@@$$@#%^*&*(^)(^%I$#%@$#!$@#%%^#VCVC ^%^%^#$%$^^%^%%cc67CV$*$$^$$^*$^$^$^$^ %&$$$64646^&^$($^($^($^1!!!!!!
> (beats the living crap out of Recoom)
> Tifa: Whoa! Zelda pulled another Cid!!!!
EON: She pulled WHAT?
> Zelda: (jumps up in the air) And now to finish you off!
> PRINCESS CANON FLARE!!!
TBS: So it's attack based on the former WCW manager in drag talking about continuity?
> Zelda fires her newly learned skill down at Recoom.
R.JAK: Uh-oh. They're gaining Dragonball characteristics by osmosis.
> The
> blast blows Recoom right through the floor and through the
> rock the castle is standing on, plumming him into the
> fiery pits below.
TBS: And melting him to a crisp!
SIG: ...and to top it all off, he goes right through the septic tank! Boy, that's going to be a pain to fix...
SIG: And what was Dav doing the whole time?
EON: Staring at Red XIII, who was licking himself.
> Cid: Ah s**t! That was close! But at least Smokin' Joe is
> still here!!!
> Smoking Joe Camel: That's what you think! I got so scared
> I peed my pants! I'm outta here! (runs away)
SIG: So *that's* who Joe is.
R.JAK: He wasn't the chocobo guy?
SIG: No, man. The camel.
R.JAK: Oh...
(there is a long pause. R.JAK looks to SIG again.)
R.JAK: (whispered) I knew that bastard had a bad affect on the kids.
SIG: Yes he did.
> Cid: Ah, fudge you, you stupid camel!! Run home to your
> mommy, you coward!!!! (throws his cigarette carton on the
> ground and starts stomping it)
> Smoking Joe Camel: I'm not gonna see my mommy! I'm going
> to Disneyworld!
> Cid: You b*****d!!!
> Vegeta: Who are you talking to!?!?
> Cid: (sarcastically) I'm talking to my crotch! Hi Mr.
> Crotch! I see your not doing very well today! Are you
> sick? Well, Uncle Cid will take care of you!!!
EON <Vegeta>: Mike Krots? Doesn't he live in Springfield?
TBS <Mr.Crotch>: Thank you Mr. Highwind, I'll be sure to stand out long and proud for you!
T.OGRE: OK, that's it!
[T.OGRE powerbombs TBS through a flaming, barbed wire wrapped table.]
TBS <singing, dazedly>: London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down...
T.OGRE: That's not me gettin at'cha, that's (Scoots back on one leg) GAAAWWD getting at'cha!
> Vegeta: Why are you telling your crotch to run home and
> calling him a coward!?!?!?!?
> Cid: I wasn't talking to my crotch you moron!
> Vegeta: Shut up you retarded dips**t!!!
TBS <sheriff>: These dipsticks are the good guys?
> Cloud: Both of you shut up! We'll resolve this with a game
> of Goldeneye but right now we have to kick this guy's
> sorry @$$!!!
> Dav: Let's go!!!!
> Chase.......
> Barret: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaha! Da' foo' is scared
> stiff!
R.JAK: Erm...yeah...that's nice...
> Goku: He's probably afraid Zelda will kick his butt like
> she did to Recoom!
> Red XIII: Whatta chicken!
> Chase: That's not it!!! I'm still amazed that this women
> defeated a person with a power level over 5000 times of
> hers!!!!
> Vincent: Amazing things happen... you can't explain it...
> Everyone: SHUT UP, VINCENT!!!!
> Vincent: Oh....poopy....
SAMAS <Vincent>: Fine. See if I ever act dramatic around you people again. Philistines.
> Chase: Well then, I see I have no choice but to kill this
> hot, sexy women and rape her dead body with my dildo!
[ALL facefault.]
R.JAK: Boy. Just when you thought there weren't any taboos they hadn't broken yet.
[SIG growls.]
[T.OGRE twitches.]
> UURRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! (charges at Zelda, swinging his
> dildo around)
> Zelda: Oh s**t, not again!!!
SIG: ...*Again*??? By the three gods...
> Chase: Prepare to feel the wrath... OF THE MIGHTY DILDO!!!
> Hahahaha!
> Dav: Go smack your grandma you pervert! (blocks Chase and
> knocks him to the ground)
> Chase: Ah s**t! That actually hurt!
> Dav: Is that all you got!?!?!?
> Chase: I'm just warming up! (charges at Dav)
> Aeris: Sorry bucko, but your dildo days are through!
> (grabs the dildo from Chase and breaks it in half)
SIG: And the scene grinds to a halt as everyone realizes the dildo was a dramatic plot point...
> Chase: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! MY DILDO! MY DILDO! MY
> PRECUIOS DILDO!! It's gone! It's gone! I can't believe
> it's gone! WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
> Tifa: Now women everywhere can rejoice! (does her chain of
> limit breaks on Chase)
> Chase: I'll be back... and next time... WITH A MORE
> POWERFUL DILDO!! (dies)
T.OGRE: But will your dildo save you from a power-bombing?
[TBS gasps.]
TBS: He's going to bring in the BIGGER PHALLIC WEAPON OF DOOM!! (tm)
> Cid: That takes care of those @$$ monkeys!!!!
> Goku: Not quite... there's still Captain Ginyu and two
> others!
> Vegeta: The other two aren't here, Kakaraught! They're at
> the nieghborhood K-Mart on the other side of town!!!!
> Barret: Dis' town has da' K-Mart!?!?!?!?
T.OGRE: You bought a slurpee from there earlier, you idiot!
> Cid: ALL RIGHT!!! FREE PARKING!
> Cloud: Calm down you horny brutes! We still have a mission
> to complete!!!
> Red XIII: And how many times has that line been said
> through out this fic?
[R.JAK opens his mouth to speak--]
> Cloud: I dunno, probably a billion or something!
R.JAK: Nice preemptive strike, but it won't save you.
SIG: Actually, thrice now, but who cares?
SAMAS: You kept count?
SIG: It's either that or the plot.
EON: What plot?
SIG: Point.
> Vincent: I suggets we split into two groups...
> Zelda: Good idea! Goku, Dav, Cloud, Tifa, Vegeta and Aeris
> will go up the tower while Red XIII, Vincent, Barret, Cid
> and I...
TBS <Zelda>: ...will go out for an Orange Julius while you do the hard stuff.
> Link: (stumbles into the room) Wait...for...me... oh
> my....@$$...
> Zelda: LINK! YOUR ALIVE!!!!
EON: Yes, and now that his manhood has been violated, he's going to shoot himself.
T.OGRE: The tragic irony...
> Link: That's right! I'm back and with a vengence!!
> Zelda: Your my hero, Link!! I PROMISE you and I will make
> hot love tonight!!
> Link: WHOO! HOOOO! YEAH BABY!!!
> Dav: (all heartbroken) Oh poopy...
TBS: Okay...girl gets raped two hours earlier...and now she's offering a night of passion. Is there any girl who's actually LIKE that?
R.JAK: In Belariath, yes. Real life...no.
SAMAS(to SIG): Told 'ya.
> Zelda: Your coming with us to get the dragon balls from
> the water section of the castle! Let's split up gang!
> Freddy: (from Scooby Doo) Hey! That's my line! Let's split
> up gang!
> Cloud: Why did the author have to put a s**tty character
> in this fic!?!?
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: 'Cause I can!
R.JAK <Author>: And Doc Thinker has me at gunpoint for the moment.
> And besides, I like Scooby
> Doo but hate Freddy! If you guys want, you can kill him!
> That's why I put him in the fic!
TBS: Dude. Hutchins doesn't do it THAT blatantly.
SAMAS: So much for a Deus Ex Machinas.
> Cid: Ah cool!!!!
> Red XIII: I'll vaporize him with my Ultra sonic vaporizing
> fart canon blast!!!
> Barret: I'll blow da' damn foo's brains out!?!?!?
> Freddy: Oh crap...
> Dav: Ready Cloud?
> Cloud: Yep, die fruitcake!!! (all of them gang up on
> Freddy and he dies)
R.JAK: And thus ends another cameo.
ALL: (weakly) Yaaaay.
> Tifa: That was fun!! Thanks Dave! You've helped me let out
> a lot of stress!
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: No problem!
TBS: It's good to be the king.
> Back to the fic!!!
>
> Zelda and her party head for the water section of the
> castle while Goku and his party head for the tower to
> defeat Captain Ginyu, Scarlet and Yuffie. Meanwhile in the
> water part of the castle...
R.JAK <Ramza>: Oh! A floodgate!
T.OGRE <Ginyu>: Get the FUCK away from there!
> Cid: Damn! It's freezing in here!
> Red XIII: (sarcastically) Really? I thought it was 200
> degrees in here!
> Link: Well if you think that there's something wrong with
> your body temperature!!!
SAMAS: Can nobody in this fic recognize sarcasm when they hear it?
R.JAK: Why YES. That's what makes it SO UNIQUE among other literary works! And it provides some CLASSY DIALOGUE!
SAMAS: Oh...okay...just asking...thought it was unintentional.
(pause)
R.JAK: It WAS unintentional, meathead.
SAMAS: Oh yeah...sarcasm...
> Red XIII: Shows how stupid you are, fairy boy!!!!!!!
> Link: Hey! Shut the hell up!
> Zelda: Watch your step!!! It's slippery!!!
[Everyone else looks at SIG.]
SIG: What? What?
> Vincent: Thanks for the warning.... AHHHHHH! (slips and
> slams into a wall)
> Barret: Hahahahahahahahahaha! Da' foo'
> slllliiiiipppppppeeeeedddd!! (slips and slams into a wall)
SAMAS/EON/TBS(sing): We're sliiipin' on the ice! Just sliiiipin' on the ice!
> Link: Whatta bunch of wienies... WAHHHHHH! (slips and
> slams into the ice cicle wall covering the blue flame)
SAMAS <Link>: D'oh! Stupid poetic justice!
> Red XIII: (sees falling icicles) INCOMING!!!!!!
> Cid: Ah crap!
> Barret: (icicle goes up his @$$) AHHHHHHH! Da' icicle went
> up ma' @$$!!!
EVIL BLACK FURBY: You're the Ass Master!
> Cid: Serves ya' right you goddamn monkey!!!!
> Barret: Tea drinkin' faggit!!!!!!
> Zelda: Enough! Both of you!
> Barret: (getting up and holding his @$$) Hey look! It's a
> treasure chest!
> Zelda: Don't open that chest!!!!
> Barret: Why not? Is da' boogie man gonna jump out and
> attack me?
T.OGRE <Zelda>: It's not that, it's just that it's a box of decades old Twinkies! It's so old, you can see Superman plastered over the box!
> Zelda: NO BARRET!!!!
> Cid: Just let'em! It's the only way he can learn!
> Barret: Shuddap foo'! (opens the chest) AHHHHHH! (gets
> frozen)
> Cid: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Now it's a
> monkey popsicle!!!
EON: Homophobia, sexism, and now racism.
R.JAK: Your point?
EON: It's a Jack Chick comic. All that's missing is the Devil in cardinal's robes going "HAW HAW HAW!"
SIG: What about the faceless guy on the throne?
EON: Erm...
T.OGRE: Or that blatantly stereotypical heathen mocking scripture?
EON: Well...
R.JAK: What about references to Isis, Horus, and Set?
EON: LOOK! I was just SAYING...
> Zelda: I tried to worn him...
> Link: Stuff happens!
> Cid: Damn! Again! Stop sayin' like a wimp! Can't you say
> "S**t happens!" instead!?!?!?!?!?!?
> Link: S**t happens!
SIG <Link>: Now I have to take a shower and scrub myself. Care to join me, Zelda?
> Cid: That's better!!!!!
> Barret: Mmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!
> Red XIII: It looks like he cussing you out, Cid.
SAMAS: No, he's just doing his GIR impression.
> Cid: Ah let'em! He ain't gonna do a thing about it!
> Zelda: I'll thaw him!!!
> Cid: Can't you wait another five hours or so!?!?!? I'm
> enjoying my time without that f**kin' monkey cussing me