Brought to you by Scott Bakula. (poss. double post)
by The BS
> G
S.D. <G-Man>: It'sssss time to choose, Missssster Freeman...
> I awoke slowly - more so than usual - and spent an
> inordinate amount of time sorting out the memories of the previous
> day.
MMK <Gryphon>: Oh crap, I forgot to turn off the oven!
TBS <Gryphon>: I just remembered! I was a half-dragon, half-elven princess in a past life!
ARL: I call no more Otherkin jokes.
TBS: Fair enough.
> Two fights, a big meal and a lengthy carouse.
RACE: Walk into a bar...
> OK... oh Christ,
GAVOK <Jesus>: I gave you a win over Ryu! Stop bugging me!
> did I really say that to Janet?
TBS <Gryphon>: All your base are belong to us!
> I hope she doesn't remember it.
RACE <Janet>: "Carouse?" Nobody carouses anymore; it just isn't cool.
[SnotNote: Or alternate...]
RACE <Janet>: Oh? Does Mister RenFaire want to *carouse?*
S.D <Cammy>: Oh, excuse me while I *pull up a pew,* huh?
ARL <Ken>: Oh, *prithee* and *Hey Nonny Nonny* gentle coz!
MMK <Gryphon>: All right! I confess! I was never cool! Forgive me!
> A quick systems check indicated that I'd managed to escape a
> hangover, which was good.
GAVOK: Behold, the remake of a 1980's classic, "Escape from Hangover."
ARL: It was "Escape from Absolom."
GAVOK: Wasn't that a cooking show?
> In fact, I felt pretty good for a guy who'd
> had the proverbial stuffing kicked out of him the day before. That's
> what comes of being drubbed by a considerate professional.
ARL: Sure he was beaten senseless, but it was a *polite* beating, damn it!
> I pulled on a clean T-shirt and a pair of decently unratty
> shorts, brushed my teeth, and prowled into the living room, expecting
> to find the last of our guests gone and the house quiet again.
> Instead, I found
GAVOK: --Charlie wearing a lampshade on his head. Ironically, it looked more normal than his haircut.
> Sakura Kasugano, who was just in the process of
> pulling the drawstring on her duffel bag shut. As I entered the room,
> Zoner, who was standing near the corner, shot me one of those warning
> looks,
MMK <Zoner>: Psst! Fangirl clogged the toilet!
> though the reason didn't register on me at the time.
> "Heading out?" I asked.
> "Yep," Sakura replied. "Ryu left before I got up - I have to
> get moving if I want to catch him."
S.D.: That's what you get for buying low-quality handcuffs.
RACE: ...okay, now do you mean that in a "Ryu's trapped by Sakura" way,
or a "Ryu and Sakura had kinky sex" way?
S.D.: Yes.
[S.D. smirks. RACE fumes.]
> "Catch him? You aren't going home?"
S.D <Sakura>: Oh, Mom and Dad don't like me taking in strays.
> Sakura snorted. "I wouldn't be welcome, not after coming all
> the way over here. Not that I care much anyway... it was time I got
> out of there."
> "You don't want to go back?" I asked, incredulous.
> "That's right," said Sakura, folding her arms and looking
> determined. "I don't want to go back."
>
MMK <Tom Servo as Spock>: I'm not going back, Jim.
> Eyrie Productions, Unlimited
> presents
RACE: Samuel L. Jackson in... THE PHONE CALL!
> A Third Universe from the Right Production
> of a
> Straight On Till Morning Film
MMK <James T. Kirk>: I must go down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and the sky...
> STREET FIGHTER: WARRIOR'S LEGACY
>
> BATTLE 04: THE GREAT PLANE ROBBERY
TBS: Wasn't that a book about how New Zealand's kids are being dumbed down by television?
GAVOK: No, that's the Great Brain Robbery.
TBS: Then it was a famous real-life crime committed by Ronnie Biggs
MMK: You know full well that was the Great *Train* robbery.
TBS: Oh. Then it must've been a 1984 Burt Reynold's vehicle with Jackie Chan and Tony Danza in it.
RACE: Actually, he's right.
ARL: It was "Cannonball Run II" and you *all* know it.
GAVOK: Snot's word is law, remember?
ARL: I hate you all.
> Benjamin D. Hutchins
> MegaZone
GAVOK: And Scott Baio as Chachi.
>
> with the gracious assistance of The Usual Suspects
> and a bit of cadging from Warehouse 23
> <http://www.sjgames.com/warehouse23/>
RACE <Gryphon>: ...and while I'm in the area, I might as well pick up a copy of "Munchkin."
ARL: That's... strangely apropos.
>
> (c) 1998 Eyrie Productions, Unlimited
>
>
> "Wait a minute, what do you mean, you don't want to go back?
> You have to go back, it's your home!"
RACE <Gryphon>: You too good for your home!? ANSWER ME!
[SnotNote: Wasn't it 'You too good for your home? GO TO YOUR HOME!']
GAVOK <Sakura>: Home? I have no home. Hunted... despised... living like
an animal. The jungle is my home. For fifteen years I have lived in
this-
ARL: Alright, that's enough.
> Zoner shot me a glare that said he wasn't buying that line,
> and doubted she would either.
> "No it isn't," she replied, her eyes dark and serious. "It's
> just a place where I used to sleep. Everything I really need is in
MMK <Ryan>: ...my pants.
> that bag.
S.D. <Gryphon>: Why is your duffle bag vibrating?
> I can take care of myself on the road... just like Ryu."
RACE [Jack Kerouac]: For it'e the Road that defines our nation in this time, the spirit of travel that claims people for it's own and they make the Road their home and boon companion...
[SnotNote: I wanted to steal some of the dialogue from the Quantum Leap ep where Sam meets Kerouac, but couldn't find a script...]
> "Won't your parents miss you?"
> Sakura snorted. "Not likely. My father would throw a party
> if I didn't come home. Half the time he doesn't even notice me, and
> the other half he wishes he had two sons."
ARL: Sean and Shingo.
RACE: He doesn't know how good he has it... to be blessed with such
a wonderful, wonderful daughter!
S.D.: Ooh, yeah, his daughter is the token fanservice for fat, pimply
American arcade hounds and lecherous Japanese salarymen! REAL prestigious...
RACE <twitching>: It's almost as if you *want* me to hurt you...
> "Well... " I paused, realized I was at a loss, and sighed,
> frustrated. "Look, you can't just hit the streets.
S.D. <Gryphon>: It'll break your hand.
> Even for someone
> with your skills,
[RACEWING and S.D RYUKAGE pull out pistols and simultaneously hold them to each other's head.]
RACE, S.D: Make that joke and die.
> at your age it's just not safe."
> "So what do you care?"
> "You might just be surprised," Zoner interjected before
> Sakura's look made him think the better of getting in the middle of
> this one.
TBS <Zoner>: Yeah, we're gonna *spit-roast* her!
[S.D and RACE both shoot TBS many, many times.]
TBS: Ouch. Worth it. Ouch.
> "I don't want you to get hurt, believe it or not!" I replied,
> then paused again, trying to calm down. I didn't want to lose my
> temper with her - that would just make her leave, and I really didn't
> want her to get hurt. She thought she was tough
enough to hack it,
GAVOK <Sakura>: 3y3 y4m 31337, d4mn j00!!!!!1!11
> and it's even possible she was, but it wouldn't be a pleasant
> experience for her either way.
> "Listen," I said after regaining control. "Will you at least
> let me call your folks?
MMK [Sakura]: Call my folks what? [Rimshot]
> I can't imagine any parent not wanting their
> child to come home."
> She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine, if you want, but I'm
> telling you, they -don't- want me back."
TBS <Sakura>: If you had a recipt, then maybe it would be a different story...
> "Dad's probably at work, go ahead and call him if
> you want. But you're wasting your time," she added.
> "Well," I replied, "it's my time to waste." I picked up the
> phone, dialed the number, punched the extension when a voicemail
> system answered, and hoped.
> "Kasugano," a man's voice answered, gruffly, after two rings.
> Ack. I hate opening phone conversations, and this one
> promised to be more awkward than most.
ARL: Particuarly since there wasn't even a "Moshi moshi" to start it off.
> >Er... hello, Mr. Kasugano,< I said, frantically dusting off
> my Japanese. I probably sounded like an idiot, but I've found that
> many Japanese will at least give you points for making the effort.
> >My name is Benjamin Hutchins, I'm calling you from the United
> States.<
> >Yes?< he replied, in a tone of voice that added, "Spit it
> out, I haven't got all day."
> >Ah... yes. Well, uh... This is kind of awkward, but... I,
> uh, I have your daughter here, and I'd like to send her home.<
GAVOK <Gryphon>: ...but I'm having trouble finding a box big enough...
> >If this is some kind of a joke - < Mr. Kasugano began, outrage
> creeping into his tone.
> >No joke, Mr. Kasugano,< I replied. >She turned up here
> Saturday evening, and... well, now she's at a bit of a loose end.<
> Zoner cringed a bit; I suppose I could have phrased that
> better.
> >You mean she's given up chasing after that lowlife street
> fighter?<
> I suppressed my natural reaction at such an unkind
> generalization, especially toward a friend of mine, and replied,
> >Uh... In a manner of speaking... <
> >What is -your- connection, then?< he snapped.
S.D. <Gryphon>: Cable modem, upgraded from a 56k a couple weeks ago.
> His peremptory tone was beginning to grate on me, so I'm
> afraid I was less than 99-44/100% smooth, replying dryly, >I'm the guy
> she came here to see that lowlife street fighter fight.<
> >I see,< he replied, his tone chilly. >And she's been staying
> with you?<
> >In my guest room,< I qualified, in case he was drawing -that-
> conclusion.
RACE: Don't even *joke* about that, you son of a-
S.D. <to ARL>: I love rabid fandoms, don't you?
> >Since Saturday evening, yes.<
> >I see,< he repeated, tone even colder. He paused, then
> replied flatly, >Then I wish you well of her. Good day.<
> I couldn't have been more shocked if somebody had cuffed me
> upside the head with a large-mouthed bass.
GAVOK: Care to test that theory?
[GAVOK holds up a large-mouth bass.]
ARL: Where'd you get that fish?
GAVOK: What fish?
[The bass disappears in a puff of smoke. ARL blinks.]
ARL: ...right.
> >Wa, wah, wait a minute,
> what?!< I blurted, managing to keep him from hanging up right away.
> >Sakura is no longer welcome in my home,< replied Mr. Kasugano
> flatly. >If you choose to take her into yours, then I hope for your
> sake she is more thoughtful of you than she was of her own family.
> Now, if you will excuse me, I am a very busy man.<
> >Hold it, hold it!< I replied. My Japanese, I noticed, was
> becoming smoother as I got more agitated - a good sign that I hadn't
> let it get too rusty between visits.
MMK: He also speaks fluent Sanskrit, Latin, and Mexican.
ARL: You mean Spanish.
TBS: He knows what he said.
ARL: YOU stay out of this.
>I don't know what issues you
> and your kids have, Mr. Kasugano,
TBS <Mr. Kasugano>: Well, she has a room full of _Nakayoshi_ and _Hana to Yume_, but I've a shelf of _Mister Magazine_ and _Shuman Gold_ -- um, you didn't hear that last bit.
> but it's none of my affair! She
> turned up on the eve of my fight with Ryu and I gave her a place to
> sleep because I'm not the kind of guy who puts little girls out in the
> street,
S.D [Gryphon]: Not without Guido standing by in the limo just in case...
RACE: Kill. You. Must. Kill. Yes.
> but I'm not looking to adopt a kid just yet. She's your
> daughter - you can't just give her away!<
> >She has been a constant source of disappointment and anguish
> to me and to her mother,< Kasugano growled. >And YOU PEOPLE are to
> blame!
ARL: So if Remy had kids...
> You street fighters have made her what she is - now she is
> YOUR problem. Not mine! Not any more! I wash my hands of her. I
> have no daughter.<
RACE: So if Mojo Jojo had kids...
> >You can't DO that!<
> >Do not call me again,< said Kasugano flatly.
RACE <Kasugano>: The long-distance rates are a bitch and a half, lemme tell you.
> >Good day.<
S.D [Gandalf]: Do you mean this is a day to be good on, or do you wish me a good day, or are you trying to get rid of me?
> Click.
> I stared at the phone for several seconds in mute
> incomprehension, which gave way slowly to a wave of red-hot rage that,
> as it peaked, made me slam the phone into its cradle so hard the bell
> rang.
> "Son of a BITCH!"
GAVOK <phone>: Hey, man, I'm just the messenger.
> "That could have gone better," Zoner observed.
> "See?" said Sakura. "I told you."
> I looked at her, spread my hands helplessly. I had nothing to
> say to that. She picked up her bag with studied nonchalance, threw it
> over her shoulder, and headed for the door.
> "Well, so long. Thanks for everything."
> "Wait," I said, trotting across the kitchen to keep up with
> her. "Where will you go?"
MMK <Sakura>: To a place where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer and the towels are oh so FLUFFY!
[*DING!*]
> "What do you care?" she replied.
> I shrugged, exasperated. "Call it a character flaw."
MMK: *gasp* Flaw? With Gryphon? Wow!
TBS: Yeah, you get five building points for taking a strict moral code.
> I hadn't noticed Zoner beside me until he spoke. "We're just
> caring guys. Not everyone you meet is an asshole, just most. Call us
> crazy, but we worry about our friends. Even if we have just met."
> "The bus station, if you must know."
> "I see. How much money do you have?"
> "Umm... " She pulled out her change purse and counted.
> "Seven fifty-three."
S.D. <Gryphon as Peppermint Patty>: That's not a cash balance -- that's sarcasm!
> "Uh-huh. Well, you should be able to make it all the way
> to... oh... " I paused and looked thoughtful. "... the other side of
> the bus station parking lot or so, on that." She glared. "OK, let's
> take another tack on this. Where were you planning on catching a bus
> to, or had you worked that out yet?"
> She shrugged. "I dunno. Boston, maybe. Or New York."
> "To do what?"
[GAVOK opens his mouth.]
RACE: [glares] Don't push me.
MMK <Rap Master Binky>: --'cause I'm close to the edge. I've been reincarnated as a very small trimmed hedge.
[RACE facepalms.]
> "... I dunno, exactly. What does it matter? You don't want
> me here any more than my father wants me back."
> "Would you believe me if I told you that wasn't true?"
> Would -I-? Zoner's jaw was set,
ARL [Gryphon]: I tried to tell him his face would stay like that if the wind changed...
> I took that to mean he agreed
> with my statement.
GAVOK [Gryphon]: Greedo was robbed! Robbed I tell you!
MMK [Zoner]: Whatever.
> She looked long and hard at me, and for a moment, I thought
> I'd really gotten through; but then her eyes narrowed stubbornly
GAVOK <Sakura>: Narrow.
TBS <eyes>: No!
GAVOK <Sakura>: Narrow, damn you!
TBS <eyes>: You're not the boss of me, bitch!
GAVOK <Sakura>: GODDAMNIT! DO IT!!
TBS <eyes>: Woah. Okay then.
ARL: We almost went an entire episode without that line, and you had to go stuff it up. Thanks SO much...
GAVOK, TBS: You're Welcome!
[ARL sighs and shakes his head sadly.]
> and
> she replied, "Yeah, as if. See you around."
> "All right, I won't try to stop you from leaving. But I don't
> think it's a good idea." I dug one of my cards out of my wallet and
> gave it to her.
RACE <Sakura>: Breast Inspector?
> "Keep this. If you need anything, call me anytime."
MMK <singing>: Just call 36-24-36, hey, I lead a life of crime!
> I wished I had some money to give her, too, but as it happened the
> previous evening's extravagance had left me cashless.
> She gave me a sidelong look.
> "Anytime," I repeated.
> She cracked the faintest hint of a smile. "OK, I'll take it.
> See you."
TBS <Bester>: Be seeing you. [gives Village salute]
> "Hold it," Zoner added. Sakura looked ready to fight if he
> tried to stop her; Zoner held up a hand to show he wasn't going to
> try. "Here, take this - and I won't take no for an answer. If you
> won't stay, you're going to let us help you somehow. There are few
> ways an attractive underage woman can make money; none are very
> pleasant."
RACE: Just what the hell are you saying? She wouldn't resort to... to...
MMK: ...working at McDonalds?
RACE: NO!
[pause]
RACE: Wait, what?
> With that he pressed a few bills into her hand. Looked
> like a couple of hundred.
GAVOK [Gryphon]: No, wait! Take this rubber duckie! There are many other bath toys for young girls and none of them are pleasant!
TBS [Zoner]: No, wait! Drink this soda! There are many carbonated beverages out there and none of them are pleasant!
GAVOK [Gryphon]: No, wait! Take my umbrella! There are few umbrellas in this earthquake ravaged city and none of them are pleasant!
> I showed her out, and as the door closed, I turned and slumped
> against it, looking at Zoner.
> "She'll be back," he said simply, and went to his room.
> "Christ," I muttered.
MMK <Gryphon>: Jesus, you've been sleeping on our couch for way too long!
[SnotNote: He's living on our couch, with the urine.]
>
> Twenty minutes later, I was sitting in the den, staring
> morosely out the picture window at the rain and thinking bleak
> thoughts.
TBS <Gryphon>: Angst angst angst brood brood brood fluffy bunnies angst
angst brood brood...
RACE <Gryphon>: How come I can never get past 450 metres on Mr. Digger? Why, dammit, world, why?
> Considering the luck of the draw. My parents love me,
> although they don't really understand me or my need to do what I do.
MMK <Gryphon>: I can't help it if I love interpretive dance!
> My mother doesn't approve, but she would never turn her back on me.
> Even if the unthinkable were to happen, I'm out on my own, fairly
> well-established, with a sizable nest egg in the bank and a good
> income from the interest. Wipe that out and I'm left with a network
> of friends, good friends, all around the globe. What did Sakura have?
> A pretty good grasp of something resembling Shotokan karate, a handful
> of money, a passport and my telephone number.
GAVOK: ...and karma. Lots and lots of karma.
> I couldn't help but feel that I had done the wrong thing
> letting her walk out of the house like that... but if she didn't want
> to stay, it was hardly right to make her...
> ... wasn't it?
> I sighed, turned away from the window and lay down on the
> couch, draping an arm over the side to scratch Fury's ears. He made a
> contented noise and leaned a little closer to the sofa.
MMK: Well, at least Fury's happy.
THE LOONS: Yay Fury.
> I couldn't imagine how it must feel to be a teenaged girl
> abandoned by her family, all alone in the world.
> But that didn't stop me from trying...
TBS <Gryphon>: Hey Zoner, can you go buy me a skirt and women's underwear? I want to try something.
> I sighed again and got up, cursing under my breath. Zoner
> looked up from the kitchen table, where he was perusing his newest
> issue of "Popular Mechanics",
S.D [Gryphon]: He was holding it horizontal again. I worry about that boy.
> as I passed through the room, muttering
> darkly and pulling on my outback oilskin, Fury trotting at my heels.
> "Can't leave it alone, can you?" he said matter-of-factly.
> "No," I replied, grabbing the matching hat from the hatstand by
> the door. "I can't."
> "Me neither," said Zoner, standing up and dropping the
> magazine. "I'll drive."
S.D <Gryphon>: What do you mean you'll drive? You can't even hold a magazine right!
[SnotNote: Or is it more subtle if you nix my earlier ref?]