[SCENE: The outside of a school. Two TYPICAL WELL-BODIED JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRLS sit outside the steps and sigh.]
Schoolgirl #1: Ah...Usagi-san, I am so bored.
Schoolgirl #2: *sigh* I am so too, Haruka-chan. All of our scholastic endeavors are done for the week, and I don't know a thing to do in this boring town.
Schoolgirl #1: (gets up) I know! Let's go visit that haunted mansion up the street from the wonderful Tsutaya Media store and explore for ghosts!
Schoolgirl #2: Ano...isn't that dangerous?
Schoolgirl #1: Of course not, genki! We can buy flashlights and see if the rumors are true! We can even try to find out what happened to the ten other girls from this school who disappeared while exploring that same building!
Schoolgirl #2: Okay! Let's go right now in our short and qhight tight fitting school uniforms! This should be so much fun!
(Suddenly, there is a loud voice.)
Voice: STOP! You crazy girls don't know what you're doing!
Schoolgirl #1: AIIIE! Who is that?
(As the girls turn, a SMALL BLACK GEL BLOB hops from the side of the screen, looking at the girls sternly.)
Schoolgirl #2: WAI! It's Anthropological Officer N!xau Cangelosi, the insidiously wacky and cute tentacle rape monster from the popular TV show "Gavok It Name Hello!" What are you doing here, Cangly-sama?
Cangelosi: Well, girls, I'm here to stop you from making a dreadful and life-altering mistake! Are you aware of the medical side-effects of continuous tentacle rape?
Schoolgirl #1: Erm...no, but what does that have to do with exploring...
Cangelosi: HEY! I'm talking here, missy! (it hops to the screen) Medical doctors from the Kyushu Monster Institute has been making quite a number of discoveries, and frankly, they're enough to make a monster like me quiver in fear. (shivers to express its point.)
Schoolgirl #2: Why, Cangly-sama? What did they say?
Cangelosi: Did you know that every hour there is an innocent girl such as yourself snatched off the street and ravaged mercilessly by a beast?
Schoolgirl #1: Erm...I don't think that's right...
Cangelosi: And did you know that in one of three of those cases, the monster or the girl get physically injured due to the fact that they did not take simple precautions such as limbering up, not using enough lubrication, or bending themselves in rather dangerous positions?
Schoolgirl #2: But what does that have to do with us?
Cangleosi: Why...EVERYTHING! *chitter* Tentacle rape can be fun for most parties, but if you don't stop to use your head or rush into it, there's a very high chance that you won't be coming out of the session with just your sexual history broken! Monsters, take proper safety measures! Don't overextend your tendrils, and know the limits of your partner before hand! Schoolgirls, when fighting off the tentacle demons, always try to concentrate with moving your weight in the knees and not the back, and be considerate. If you have to kick, make sure you kick away from the monster's face so that you don't accidentally blind them. That way, you can have a great time!
(The girls coo in amazement.)
Schoolgirl #1: Cangly-sama, you're so knowledgable!
Schoolgirl #2: Hai...thinking about your knowledge is getting me all excited.
Cangelosi: Hey, girls. How about you steer clear from that abandoned building and come over with me so I can give you a few more pointers?
Schoolgirls: Can we, Cangly-sama? YAAAAAAY!
(Cangelosi and the girls jump off, away from school.)
Announcer: Remember, kids and demons, when you play, play it safe! This announcement brought to you from the Kyushu Monster Institute in association with the Shokushu Schoolgirl Experimentation Labs and other affiliates.