Re: Make fun of Liu Kang and Kai? Where do I start? :)
by Anonymous
>Chapter 1: An Old Face and a New Evil
GAVOK: Okay, okay. So an old face and a new evil walk into a bar and...
MMK: You know what? I've heard this one.
>
>
>It was a bright, shining, hot, and humid day on Edenia. Liu Kang and Kitana were enjoying
>the peaceful moments, especially since the news came in that an outside force destroyed
>Shinnok's base in Edenia and insured that Shinnok could not return.
VID: Unless he rolls doubles or pays $50.
>"It's too hot out here," said Liu Kang.
>
[GAVOK starts humming "It's Hot in Herre" under MMK's breath.]
MARK: ...How is he doing that?
>"But it's our first true day of peace in 10,005 years," said Kitana. "Let's enjoy it while
>we can."
GAVOK <Kitana>: Because, you know, you're not going to have a working neck in about a week.
>
>"I guess so," said Liu Kang as he and Kitana kissed.
>
>"The heat and humidity is sending a storm in this direction," said Kai, leader of the
>Edenian base. "You two had better come inside."
MARK <Cartman>: Kai, you're the worst character ever!
TBS <Kai>: Heh. Yeah, I know.
>
>Five minutes later, after Liu and Kitana came inside, thunder and lightning roared through
>the area.
>
>"This storm is the nastiest that I've seen since Shang Tsung's ship," said Liu Kang. "I've
>never seen anything like it!"
>
>"Monsters dead ahead!" yelled Kai as the radar started bleeping out of control.
>
MMK <Michael Winslow>: We've lost the bleeps, the sweeps and the creeps.
>"It can't be," said Kitana. "The Netherealm has fallen."
TIFFA <Liu Kang>: See, I *told* you we can't destroy Hell!
>"I'm afraid so, Kitana," said Kai. "Look at these visuals!"
MMK <Kitana>: Wow, Mokap is hung like a horse!
GAVOK <Kai>: Whoops, wrong visuals.
>Kitana took a look at the radar screen, and gasped in horror as she saw the large-scale
>invasion coming.
>
>"Prepare all heavy artillery," said Kitana. "I don't know what Shinnok wants, but he ain't
>getting it!"
TBS <Kitana, singing>: I know what boys like! I know what gods want!
>"THEY'RE TOO STRONG!" yelled Kai. "Our shields are already at only 40 percent power! The
>first shots rocked the base worse than many of Shinnok's magical earthquakes!"
>
>"The thunder and lightning could be shorting out the shields also," said Liu Kang.
GAVOK <Liu Kang>: And it's very, very frightning!
>"Oh my god," gasped Kitana as another shot destroyed the shields.
>
>"Uh-oh!" said Liu Kang, and another explosion blew open the door. Four kids on
>rollerblades, somewhere around middle school age, rode into the base.
>
>"You aren't coming in here!" yelled Kai. "Kitana, Liu Kang, RUN!"
VID: This is the worst retelling of Three Little Pigs I've ever come across.
>"That's what you think," said the leader of the kids. He was 4'10", looked like a Filipino,
>very dark skin, very strong but light.
>
>"You'll never defeat me," said Kai. "Just a bunch of kids leading an invasion, HA! You
>punks won't come close!"
>
>"KI BLAST!" Kai was fried by a sudden quick shot that came out of the kid's finger. Kai
>quickly fainted from the shot.
>
TIFF <Ashura Ketchum>: Kai Lotus, return!
>"And you were supposed to be the next Liu Kang..." said the kid disappointed.
>
>"Oh my god," said Kitana. "Liu, listen. The power of this invasion is incredible. If they
>attack us once with a normal attack, we are dead. You must take these pictures to the
>Laboratory of Heroes and find someone strong enough
to bring these bandits down."
MMK <Kitana>: Just remember not to go to the Lavatory of Heroes. Especially if Hulk is in a stall.
>
>"But what about you?" asked Liu Kang.
>
>"I have lived for over 10,000 years," said Kitana. "My life is finished.
TBS <Liu Kang>: But... but you haven't even started sagging yet!
> The transporter
>will only work for one. It will be you."
>
>Suddenly, the printer spit out five pictures, four mug shots of the kids and the monster.
>Kitana then handed them to Liu Kang.
>
>"Take these to the Laboratory of Heroes Liu. Hurry, you don't have much time!"
>
GAVOK <VSSE>: Get into the castle and rescue Sonya!
>As Liu Kang entered the transporter, the sealed door was blown open.
>
>"Liu go!" Kitana pressed the sealed transporter activator button.
>
>"KITANA!" yelled Liu Kang as he was teleported away from Edenia.
>
>
MMK <Stanley Kowalski>: STELLLAA!
>
>"So I have finally got you girly," said the Filipino kid, shadowed by his three friends.
>
>"You'll never get me alive!"
>
>The kid then lifted his arm, and Kitana was lifted upwards and towards him. Finally, a
>monster grabbed Kitana by the neck.
VID <Sabertooth>: Scream for me.
>"NECROSARO???!!! HOW?" gasped Kitana.
ALL: SEPHIORTH!?!?!?!
[Zedd note replacing the Gavok note: misspelling changed to reflect the actual misspelling used]
>
>"The evil rebellion is on!" Necrosaro glared Kitana to sleep.
>
>"Getney, take Kitana to our castle. My investment in the psychic kid and all of you has
>been well worth it so far: It has paid off already!" Necrosaro then turned Kitana over to a
>black kid who was a little bigger than the Filipino kid as they all left the Edenian base.