GAVOK: Okay, okay. So an old face and a new evil walk into a bar and...
MMK: You know what? I've heard this one.
>
>
>It was a bright, shining, hot, and humid day on Edenia. Liu Kang and Kitana were enjoying
>the peaceful moments, especially since the news came in that an outside force destroyed
>Shinnok's base in Edenia and insured that Shinnok could not return.
VID: Unless he rolls doubles or pays $50.
MARK: I didn't know insurance companies cover against evil sorcerors.
MMK: Sure, they do. Just ask about their "Extradimensional Protection" insurance plans.
GAVOK: The premiums are hellish, though.
MMK: Literally.
>"It's too hot out here," said Liu Kang.
>
[GAVOK starts humming "It's Hot in Here" under MMK's breath.]
MARK: ...How is he doing that?
>"But it's our first true day of peace in 10,005 years," said Kitana.
MMK <Kitana>: And I can name them all! Year number three-hundred and seventy-eight... ARMBAR!
>"Let's enjoy it while we can."
GAVOK <Kitana>: Because, you know, you're not going to have a working neck in about a week.
>
>"I guess so," said Liu Kang as he and Kitana kissed.
[TBS makes muffled gobbling noises.]
>"The heat and humidity is sending a storm in this direction," said Kai, leader of the
>Edenian base. "You two had better come inside."
MARK <Cartman>: Kai, you're the worst character ever!
TBS <Kai>: Heh. Yeah, I know.
>Five minutes later,
TIFF: They were all dead. That was some storm!
>after Liu and Kitana came inside, thunder and lightning roared through
>the area.
GAVOK <Liu>: Shit dear, I'm sorry, the clap of thunder startled me.
TBS <Kitana>: You said the same thing last week when the phone rang
VID <thunder>: ROAR!
MMK: And the award for Most Obvious Joke goes to... Vidders!
>"This storm is the nastiest that I've seen since Shang Tsung's ship,"
MARK: YOU try saying "Shang Tsung's ship" five times fast!
>said Liu Kang. "I've
>never seen anything like it!"
TBS <Kitana>: It's so big and... powerful...
>"Monsters dead ahead!" yelled Kai
MARK <Liu Kang>: They're dead already? Well, that was easy.
> as the radar started bleeping out of control.
MMK <Michael Winslow>: We've lost the bleeps, the sweeps and the creeps.
>"It can't be," said Kitana. "The Netherealm has fallen."
TIFFA <Liu Kang>: See, I *told* you we can't destroy Hell!
>"I'm afraid so, Kitana," said Kai. "Look at these visuals!"
MMK <Kitana>: Wow, Mokap is hung like a horse!
GAVOK <Kai>: Whoops, wrong visuals.
>Kitana took a look at the radar screen, and gasped in horror
TBS <Kitana>: We've been jammed!
[TBS <Kitana> brings out a bottle of strawberry jam from under his seat.]
>as she saw the large-scale
>invasion coming.
>
>"Prepare all heavy artillery," said Kitana. "I don't know what Shinnok wants, but he ain't
>getting it!"
TBS <Kitana, singing>: I know what boys like! I know what gods want!
>"THEY'RE TOO STRONG!" yelled Kai.
VID <Kai>: I SHOUT TO INDICATE INTENSITY!
GAVOK <Steve Blackman>: One way... or ANOTHER!
>"Our shields are already at only 40 percent power!
MARK: All right, how did we get to the Starship Enterprise, and what did you guys do with Worf?
TIFF <Kitana>: Well... you could have told us about this a little *sooner*, then, couldn't you have?
>The first shots rocked the base worse than many of Shinnok's magical earthquakes!"
TBS: Shinnok's been into the beans again, I take it.
GAVOK: Must... resist... All Your Base referance...
MMK: AYB is the path to the darkside. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to AYB. AYB leads to suffering.
>"The thunder and lightning could be shorting out the shields also," said Liu Kang.
GAVOK <Liu Kang>: And it's very, very frightning!
>"Oh my god," gasped Kitana as another shot destroyed the shields.
MARK: The part of Kitana will be played by Joseph Joestar.
>"Uh-oh!" said Liu Kang, and another explosion blew open the door. Four kids on
>rollerblades, somewhere around middle school age, rode into the base.
VID: I call no Zero Wing references.
TBS: Aww! But--
VID: No.
>"You aren't coming in here!" yelled Kai.
MARK <Kai>: Oh, you are in here. Never mind.
"Kitana, Liu Kang, RUN!"
VID: This is the worst retelling of Three Little Pigs I've ever come across.
>"That's what you think," said the leader of the kids. He was 4'10", looked like a Filipino,
MARK: [blinks] Siggy? What are *you* doing there?
>very dark skin, very strong but light.
GAVOK <Kai>: That's what I KNOW!
TBS <kid>: Oh, yeah?
GAVOK <Kai>: Yeah!
TBS <kid>: Oh, YEAH?
GAVOK <Kai>: YEAH!
TBS <kid>: You're stupid!
GAVOK <Kai>: *You*'re stupid!
TBS <kid>: Yeah? Well... you smell like poo!
>"You'll never defeat me," said Kai.
MARK: This coming from the guy who shouted "THEY'RE TOO STRONG!" just a few minutes earlier...
GAVOK: Kai's been taking lessons from Lawrence Blood.
>"Just a bunch of kids leading an invasion, HA! You
>punks won't come close!"
>
>"KI BLAST!" Kai was fried by a sudden quick shot that came out of the kid's finger. Kai
>quickly fainted from the shot.
TIFF <Ashura Ketchum>: Kai Lotus, return!
>"And you were supposed to be the next Liu Kang..." said the kid disappointed.
TBS <kid>: Yet your attempts at funny bird noises are pathetically sub-par!
>"Oh my god," said Kitana. "Liu, listen. The power of this invasion is incredible.
MARK: Okay, it might just be me, but I don't see how four kids frying an unknown character can be described as an incredible invasion force... especially when Liu Kang and Kitana faced Goro and Kintaro and all those other -aro's.
>If they
>attack us once with a normal attack, we are dead.
[ALL pull out their character sheets.]
TIFF <mummbling>: Okay, if this is a normal attack, do I get to keep my stat bonuses from my chainsaw?
VID <Liu Kang>: Funny, I don't *recall* becoming Shin Akuma.
>You must take these pictures to the
>Laboratory of Heroes and
MARK <Kitana>: Get them developed, it'll take like an hour, and then...
>find someone strong enough to bring these bandits down."
TBS <Kitana>: Just remember not to go to the Lavatory of Heroes. Especially if Hulk is in a stall.
>"But what about you?" asked Liu Kang.
MMK <Liu Kang>: WHAT ABOUT *RAVEN*?
>"I have lived for over 10,000 years," said Kitana. "My life is finished.
TBS <Liu Kang>: But... but you haven't even started sagging yet!
> The transporter will only work for one. It will be you."
VID <Liu Kang>: Fine by me!
>Suddenly, the printer spit out five pictures, four mug shots of the kids and the monster.
>Kitana then handed them to Liu Kang.
TIFF <Kitana>: See if you can get them autographed, too.
>"Take these to the Laboratory of Heroes Liu.
MARK <Kitana>: ...and look for a guy named Dexter.
>Hurry, you don't have much time!"
GAVOK <VSSE>: Get into the castle and rescue Sonya!
>As Liu Kang entered the transporter, the sealed door was blown open.
TIFF: And the Espers flew into the sky and attacked the Empire, blah blah *blah* blah blah.
>"Liu go!" Kitana pressed the sealed transporter activator button.
MARK: But, if it was *sealed*--
VID: I wouldn't think about it too hard, if I were you.
>"KITANA!" yelled Liu Kang as he was teleported away from Edenia.
MMK <Stanley Kowalski>: STELL-LAAAAAAAH!
VID <Kaneda>: TET-SUOOOOOOOOOOO!
MARK <Tetsuo>: KAAAAAA-NEEEEEEE-DAAAAAAAAA!
>"So I have finally got you girly," said the Filipino kid, shadowed by his three friends.
TBS: Because they were all taller than him.
>"You'll never get me alive!"
>
>The kid then lifted his arm, and Kitana was lifted upwards and towards him. Finally, a
>monster grabbed Kitana by the neck.
VID <Sabertooth>: Scream for me.
>"NECROSARO???!!! HOW?" gasped Kitana.
ALL: *SEPHIORTH*?
[Zedd note replacing the Gavok note: misspelling changed to reflect the actual misspelling used]
[Knight Note: Well, yes, I should hope so.]
>"The evil rebellion is on!" Necrosaro glared Kitana to sleep.
TIFF <dully>: Oh, no.
>"Getney, take Kitana to our castle.
TBS <Necrosaro>: Then when Liu Kang gets back, we'll be all "Sorry! But your princess is in another castle!"
>My investment in the psychic kid and all of you has
>been well worth it so far: It has paid off already!" Necrosaro then turned Kitana over to a
>black kid who was a little bigger than the Filipino kid as they all left the Edenian base.
TIFF: They're so diverse, it's evil!
VID: Face the terror that *is* Affirmative Action!