MARK <Trevor Goodchild>: I have been accused of caring nothing for the truth, but on the contrary, I value the truth so highly that I make sure it is hidden away someplace safe.
>
>
>
>James, Chris, and Liu Kang arrived at Eric's base in the World of Mana.
MARK: *Liu Kang*?!? How did he get here?
TBS: He was hiding under the bed when shit happened to the base. Weren't you paying attention?
MMK: Were we supposed to?
>"Eric, any site of Dann Zenretsu and company?" asked James.
TBS <Eric>: Wait, let me check... Well, I found fourty-two hits in Google.
>"They've regrouped at Necrosaro's base," said Eric. "The loss of Balzack sets them back
>pretty good."
>
>"That's good, so we have a few days to act before we actually have to move, good after that
>grueling battle with Balzack," said James.
TIFF: Yeah, we can all see how *grueled* you were.
>"James and Chris, you two can sit down and talk. I'll take Liu Kang and try to heal our
>Mortal Kombat friend.
[TBS points at the line frantically.]
TIFF: *NO*, Snot.
>
>"James, why did you ever become a hero?" asked Chris. "It's such a tough life."
MARK <NPC>: *Sigh* Times are tough.
>"The road was never easy," said James,
MMK <James, muttering>: Lousy roadwork.
>"and sometimes, being a hero doesn't always do the
>right thing.
MARK: Writing grammatically, for instance.
>I have always tried to, but I have failed at times."
VID: Gee, ya think?
>"But why did you go on this life?" asked Chris.
MMK <James>: Because "That Life" wasn't hiring.
GAVOK <Eric as Steve>: Personally, I think it's got something to do with girls.
MMK <James>: You stay out of this.
TIFF: Knowing James, not likely.
>"I was beaten as a child: My parents always loved to take their frustrations out on me.
>Also, everyone else in the world loved to also. I remember having the whole school against
>me at one time, Chris."
MMK <James>: I lobbied to make everyday "Spaghetti and Meatballs" day at the cafeteria. Why wouldn't people want that?
MARK <James>: It turned out my dad promised to have me marry one of his friend's daughters and everyone in school wanted to date her. Good thing I knew martial arts.
VID <James>: See, I cobbled together a fake prediction on an upcoming exam and sold them to my classmates. Problem was every exam paper I sold turned out to be the same as the papers that were actually set. Exactly. Word for word. To the very comma. It completely blew me out of the water and caused a furore that ended with me being driven out of Cambridge in the back of a Black Maria.
[A beat.]
TIFF: "Furore"?
VID: It's British for "furor".
TIFF: Ah.
>"Geez," said Chris. "Is that true?"
GAVOK <James>: Actually, no. That was just to evoke sympathy. I actually had a pretty uneventful, boring childhood and craved excitement.
>"Yes, and it eventually got to the point where I broke up with my parents.
TIFF: Not. A. Word. Snot
TBS: Actually, I wasn't going to.
>I had to keep
>myself afloat, so I went into helping people: Those less fortunate than myself, those who
>had the same troubles as me. That's how I met Dann."
>
>"He was once, in a bad boat?" asked James.
GAVOK <Chris>: How'd I know that? *You* trained him.
>"And still is. I know his parents beat him into submission and force him to do their ways
>and so do other people. That's why I trained him: Hoping he'd stand up to it; however, his
>parents were too strong. I could not turn him from the side of evil."
>
>"Is there any way you can now?" asked Chris.
>
>"Only through battle," said James, "But we cannot strike Dann. He's not the one we want to
>hurt. If we can, we want to lead him and his friends down the right direction."
GAVOK <Harry Potter>: Point me.
>"But how?" asked Chris.
>
>"Dann's parents struck a deal with Necrosaro. I have to bring down Necrosaro regardless of
>the cost and make sure the Demon and Demoness Zenretsu are not revived."
>
>"This is sounding like a nasty situation," said Chris. "Can't Dann do anything about it?"
>
>"Not at his age and timing," said James. "He and his friends are being treated like kings,
>and that's a big ego-maker at twelve and thirteen years old."
GAVOK <Chris>: Speaking from experience?
MMK <James>: You know how it is.
>"So you're going to save him?" asked Chris.
>
>"Even if it costs me my life," said James.
ALL: Please please please...
[They send up prayers to God, Ahura Mazda, the One True Kaphwan, or Whatever else they believe in.]
>"It's my responsibility."
MMK <James>: Everyone says I'm very responsible. Whenever something goes wrong, I'm responsible for it.
[TBS does a rimshot.]
MMK <James>: Thank you! You've been a great audience! Complimentary tomatoes are to your left, knives are to your right!
>"James, you're crazy!" yelled Chris. "Can't you just defeat Necrosaro and call an end to
>this situation?"
>
>"If I sit back and know something evil happened, then I am just as guilty," said James.
>"It's why evil is not controlled in this world."
MMK <Kim>: Evil cannot be tolerated!
>"Kind of why crime rings always get away with things, right?" asked Chris.
MARK: False. Crime does pay, mostly bribes.
>"EXACTLY!" said James. "I need the Sword of Truth so I can defeat Necrosaro and possibly
>face the Demon and Demoness Zenretsu.
ALL: FORESHADOWING!
>"James, I really have to say you're something else
TBS: Oh, so this whole scene was pillowtalk?
[TIFF and VID stop in mid-punch.]
TIFF: I hate it when he makes sense.
>to stand up for what you believe in no
>matter what," said Chris. "It takes a lot of guts to do something like that."
GAVOK <Howard Fineman>: I'm taking notes on your technique, Chris.
>"Thanks, but it might not save my life if I have to fight the Demon and Demoness," said
>James.
>
>
>
>"James, I think it's time you started going for the Sword of Truth," said Eric Mana.
>"Necro's forces are at an all-time low because they're attending the funeral of Balzack."
MARK: It's nice to know even wussy megalomaniacal endbosses still perform rites for the dead.
TIFF: This is the weirdest megalomaniac I ever saw.
MMK: Just proves that he's *insane*!
VID: Wait, wait, wait... they *sent* Balzack's body to Necrosaro for burial?
TBS: Hey, maybe Necrosaro came to them offering twelve robes, twelve cloaks, twelve blankets, twelve capes and shirts, ten bars of gold, two tripods, four cauldrons and a Thracian cup. No one could resist an offer like that. Right?
[A beat.]
GAVOK: I'd wait until there's at least a PS2 in there.
>"You're right, Mana," said James. "Chris, are you ready?"
VID <Belgarath>: Are you ready?
>"Yes I am, James. I will stand by you as long as I can," replied Chris.
MMK <singing>: And darling, darling... Stand! By me!
>"Then let's get this sword and put an end to all this evil!" said James. "Do you have the
>exact pinpoint location of the sword?" asked James.
>
>"Yes, I do," said Eric Mana. "The transporter is set to go."
>
>"Then, it's time that Chris and I go," said James. "Eric, hold base until we return."
>
>"Remember James, the Sword of Truth is a double-edged sword. If you tell a lie yourself,
>then the sword will come back to hurt you."
MMK <sagely>: The mouth of truth cuts the liar's hand.
>"I understand the risk," said James. "Without the sword, we're all doomed."
>
>James and Chris jumped into the transporter.
[This one is just begging for a loon skit. -Sig]
{For some strange reason, the 60's Batman theme is starting to echo in my head. -Mark}
>"Destination: Coasty Isles,
GAVOK: Home of one Dan Forden.
TIFF: That's *Coasty* Isles.
>2nd floor, Sword Chamber.
>
>James, are you ready?
>
>Chris are you ready?"
MMK <Duck King>: ARE YOU READY?!
>"Yes we are," replied James.
>
>"Take-off!"
>
>James and Chris transported at light speed to the Coasty Isles.
GAVOK <Lone Starr>: It's Spaceball One!
MMK <Barf the Mawg>: She's gone to plaid!