MMK, GAVOK: SCENE!
[MMK and GAVOK mime as if they're on a sailing ship.]
GAVOK <Chris>: My stomach hurts.
MMK <James>: Oh, would you be quiet? We're almost there, I th--hey. Do you see what I see?
GAVOK <Chris>: I can't believe it! You were right! After all this time, we've finally discovered Truth!
MMK <James>: TRUTH AHOY!
GAVOK <Chris>: TRUTH AHOY!
[MMK and GAVOK mime getting off the ship and digging up treasure.]
MMK <James>: Here it is! Open, it, open it! Hey, Chris, what's the first one say?
[GAVOK mimes unfolding a piece of paper.]
GAVOK <Chris>: "Squaresoft is overrated."
MMK <James>: Knew that. What's the next one say?
GAVOK <Chris>: "Cigarettes are bad for you."
MMK <James>: Knew that too, just didn't care. What's the last one say?
GAVOK <Chris>: Um... "James and Chris are wankers."
[A pause.]
MMK <James>: Oh, I get it. It must be talking about James Potter.
GAVOK <Chris, nodding> And Chris from the New Faces Team. Yeah, they really are wankers.
MMK <James>: Let's go, Chris. There's no treasure here.
GAVOK <Chris>: Aye aye!
MMK: END SCENE!
[MMK and GAVOK sit back down.]
>
>
>
>James and Chris arrived at the sword's chamber. The beautiful white light-saberish Sword of
>Truth was on the pedestal with the Zenethian symbol on it. James then glared at the
>ultimate weapon.
TBS <James>: Hmph. I don't like you... think you're so high and mighty just because you're an "Ultimate" weapon, do you? Well, I've got my eye on you!
>
>"The only weapon more powerful than my Flame Sword, yet so dangerous to the one that lies,"
TIFF: In other words, if Pinnochio wants this thing, he's SOL.
>said James. "I hope I haven't done enough wrong in my life so I can touch the sword."
TBS <Ultimate Weapon>: Hmm, let's see... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! "STREET FIGHTER VS. MORTAL KOMBAT" WAS *YOU*? INSTANT DEATH!
VID <Ultimate Weapon>: Straight to Slytherin with you! I don't even know why you bothered to ask me!
>
>"Well, if we want to win, then you have to try," said Chris.
TIFF <James>: But... but it's level 8-4! I've NEVER beaten 8-4! [sniffles]
>
>"I also have to tell the truth all the time," said James. "Sometimes, it isn't easy."
MMK <Chris, as Godfather>: Truthin' ain't easy!
>
>"I know that one," said Chris.
>
>
>
>James then lifted up the glass box that enclosed the sword. James then picked up the
>handle, and the sword dimmed out.
MARK: It died of depression upon seeing its new owner.
>James then proceeded to press a button, and the sword lit
>up, white shining blade and all.
GAVOK: Batteries not included.
>"Sword of Truth, please entrust James to be able to wield your truthly power to defeat the
>ultimate evil in this world!"
>
MARK <Sword, as Chris Tucker>: ...what the HELL did you just say?
>
>
>"Well, well, well, look who's here!" Keeleon's voice ripped through the room."
MARK: Wow. The big bad wolf's voice never did *that*.
>
>"Balzack's servant Keeleon,
TBS <Butt-head>: Huh huh huh. He said "ball-sa"--
[TIFF revs her chainsaw.]
TIFF: I'm trying to cut down on the whole "violence" thing. A little. Please help in any way you can.
TBS: ...'kay.
>what a surprise," said James. "I should've known Necrosaro
>wouldn't let this opportunity pass up."
>
>"My roar will make you and Chris cower until you can't move, then I'll destroy you all!"
>boasted Keeleon.
VID: Roar just makes you run away, doesn't it?
TIFF: That's enough Pokemon for you, Vid.
MARK: That's it. According to the Evil Overlord List, this one is sooo dead.
>"Your words won't become true," said James.
MMK: <Keeleon> YOU CANNOT ESCAPE!
GAVOK: <James> YOU WILL BE THE ONE ESCAPING!
>"We'll see who leaves this cave alive."
TBS <Keeleon>: Don't eat me! Don't eat me!
>Keeleon then powered a strong roar throughout the room. Chris tried to move, but the roar
>was so horrible that Chris cowered in fear. James tried to stand up, but got knocked down.
MMK <singing>: I GET KNOCKED DOWN! BUT I GET UP AGAIN! NEVER EVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN!
>"MWA HA HA HA HA HA! All too easy," said Keeleon.
VID <Keeleon>: PREDICTABLE!
TBS <Keeleon>: Is that your best?
MARK <Keeleon>: YOU SUCK!
GAVOK <Keelon>: I am your God!
TIFF <James>: Hey! We're the god-boys here! Get your own fic!
>
>"That's what you think," said James, as he sprang to his feet.
>
>"FIREBANE!" Keeleon shot hot white fire at James. "AGAIN, FIREBANE!" Keeleon's intense heat
>burned through James's clothing.
TBS: Ooh. Kinky.
TIFF: ...
>
>"I was put through worse when Ganon imprisoned me," said James. "Firebane doesn't faze me,
>my friend. FIREBANE back on you!"
TIFF <James>: I am asbestos and you are glue! Whatever you FIREBANE bounces off me and singes you! Hooraaaay!
>
>Keeleon screeled in terror when he got drilled by the white-hot flame.
>
>"FIREBANE!" James ripped into Keeleon again with another blast.
>
>"HADOUKEN!" James blasted into Keeleon with a heavy fire energy blast that knocked the lion
>monster against the wall.
MARK: <Beavis>: Heh heh heh... fire... FIRE FIRE!
TIFF: Fire, fire, everywhere!
TBS: And not a drop to drink!
TIFF: ...
MMK, GAVOK: SONG!
[Incredibly cheesy two-tone music music plays over the movie.]
RACE <over intercom>: Wait... who the hell is doing that?
MMK <singing>: NIGHTMAAAARE! NIGHTMAAAARE!
GAVOK <singing>: Nightmare James was a shoto..
MMK <singing>: Wait... he was a... *crappy* shoto...
GAVOK <singing>: ... uh... maybe he was just a *shoto*!
MMK <singing>: But he was still NIGHTMAAAARE! NIGHTMAAAARE!
GAVOK <singing>: BURNINATING the CANON!
MMK <singing>: BURNINATING THE PLOOOT!
GAVOK <singing>: BURNINATING the villains in his very own MADE-UP WOOOOORLD!
MMK <singing>: VERY OWN MADE-UP WOOOOORLD!
MMK, GAVOK <singing>: And the Nightmare comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
VID: Well, of COURSE nightmares come in the night. Why do you think they're called-
GAVOK: Just humor us, okay?
VID: But-
MMK: GODDAMNIT, JUST DO IT!
VID: Whoa. Okay.
MMK <^_^ing>: Hee hee. Still got it.
TIFF: Is he even still "Nightmare", anymore?
TBS: You know, admitting to actually following the James Saga and trying to make sense of it is a blackmailable offense.
TIFF: Really?
TBS: I'm almost positive.
TIFF: ...damn it. Never mind.
[Raceynote: (shakes head in amazement) ...Gunstar, you lucked out like a MOTHERFUCKER. ^_^]
>
>"Nice James,
MMK <Keeleon>: That's a good James. Who's mommy's wittle baby? Who's mommy's wittle baby?
GAVOK <James>: Arf!
>you have learned well, but can you handle this?" Keeleon screeched out in a
>terrible roar again. This time, Chris was sent flying back into the wall, and James was
>knocked down for another loop.
VID: ...de-loop?
>
>"You'll never defeat me," roared Keeleon.
MARK: Any time now...
TIFF <Chris>: Use the earplugs! THE EARPLUGS!
TBS <James>: Right! ... crap! We forgot to buy them at the last town!
>
>James stood up, then started gathering his ki, "TATSU-MAKI-SEN-PU-KYAKU!" James brought
>flames to his foot,
MMK <Dong>: My foot burns! Hee hee hee hee hee!
>and started spinning his kick towards Keeleon's face. After hitting the
>lion monster about five times, James unsheathed the Sword of Truth.
TBS <James>: Come, bathe in the healing light of my sword.
MMK <James>: Hate is very, very bad...
VID: Continue that and I will hurt you.
>"Now let's see what you can do!" James cut hard into Keeleon's arm, which was cut right
>off.
MMK <James>: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
GAVOK <Keeleon>: 'Tis but a scratch!
MMK <James>: A scratch? Your arm's off!
GAVOK <Keeleon>: No, it isn't.
MMK <James>: Well, what's that, then?
GAVOK <Keeleon>: I've had worse.
>James did that to Keeleon's other three arms as well.
MMK <James>: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.
GAVOK <Keeleon>: Yes, I have.
MMK <James>: Look!
GAVOK <Keeleon>: Just a flesh wound.
>"Let's see you recover from that," said James.
>
>Keeleon then proceeded to regenerate his arms, "That better for you?"
TBS <James>: Well, shit.
>
>James then took the Sword of Truth, and aimed it into Keeleon's face. "Now you will join
>Balzack!
TIFF: Pre-emptive "shut up".
TBS: You're no fun.
>KAMIKAZE STRIKE!" James suddenly dashed with all of his might into Keeleon,
>hitting him square in the face. Keeleon fell back hard, and all of a sudden, his body
>started to shake.
TBS <singing>: The walls were shakin', the earth was quakin'...
>"NOOOOOOO!" yelled Keeleon.
MMK <Keeleon>: My sexy wife... my cute son... NOOOOOOOO!
>James grabbed Chris and headed back to the transporter and transported out of the room.
>Keeleon then exploded, destroying everything in the room, including
VID: ...this 54-inch color TV!
OTHERS: Oooooh!
>all of the beautiful
>architecture.
GAVOK <Keeleon>: What a world, what a world...
>
>
>"I got the sword," said James. "We've got the last item."
>
>"You'll be a target for sure now," said Eric. "The sword in your hands will bring
>Necrosaro's minions to you for sure.
>
>"But what if we take the sword to him first?"
>
>"WHAT? Take the sword to Black Tower? You're crazy, James!" yelled Eric.
VID <James>: That's right. Crazy like a FOX!
>
>"It's better than having them come in a grand force and annihilating us here," said James.
>"Plus, they're not focusing after the deaths of Keeleon and Balzack."
MARK <Necrosaro>: *sniff* Why did they have to die...?
>
>"But, they might bring re-inforcements," said Eric.
>
>"We'll deal with that if the situation presents itself," said James. "Eric, I want you to
>take good care of Liu Kang."
MARK <James>: Yes. We don't want him dying TOO early.
VID <Liu Kang>: Why do you guys keep talking about my death?
GAVOK <Eric>: ...oh, no reason.
>
>"I sure will," said Eric. "Just re-consider going straight into enemy base."
>
>"I can't," said James. "I have to save Dann, even if it means my life."
MMK <Milo Bloom>: It's called "foreshadowing".
TBS <Penguin Opus>: Well, *sorry*, but I never read the "Author's Notes"!
>"You'll save Dann when he gets older," said Eric. "Just be patient."
MARK <Signus>: Three... more... years...
OTHERS: ...
>"If I'm patient, then he'll be made into the evils of this world. I have to stop it before
>it happens. I've seen it before."
GAVOK <Jehovah-1>: What cometh to this world? I, even *I* am on the Earth as a drunkard among you and NHGH is at my side.
>"Then, I guess you'll want some help," said Chris. "I'll go with you James."
>
>"Thanks Chris, but if I have to fight a battle on my own, then I have to," said James. "Do
>you understand that, Chris?"
>
>"Yes, I do," replied Chris. "I'll stand by you until the end."
[ALL snicker.]
TBS: At this rate, I predict anal soulbonding five chapters from now.
[TIFF twitches.]
TIFF: Must... not... relapse...
[TBS ^_^s.]
>
>
>
>"OK Eric, fire up the transporter. Coordinates: Tung So Karate"
>
>"You sure, James?" asked Eric. "Let's eat a little bit first."
>
>"Maybe you're right. It'd be wise to have some energy in me," said James.
VID <James>: Chris! Get me a PowerAde, would you?
>"We'll go just a little bit later."
>
TBS: And then the yaoi shall commence!
[Applause can be heard over the intercom.]